


Do you want me, or do you want me dead?

by fmaloser



Series: Do you want me (Dead?) [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Humor, Blow Jobs, Cigarettes, Dark Past, Drug Use, Finally, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Like, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Nobody gives a shit about Hanji, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Pet Names, Pissed off Hanji, Possessive Behavior, Road Trips, Role Reversal, SO SAD, Scary Movies, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Room, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Tutoring, Violence, douchebag levi, jealous Levi, murder?, this is really less about school than it should be, what just happened, yandere little shits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:46:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 82,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmaloser/pseuds/fmaloser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's decided that the school douchebag, Levi, needs a tutor to help get his grades back up. It's also decided that high school senior, Eren, is perfect for the job.<br/>At first, the two hate each other. But after their pasts come back to bite them in the ass, they realize that maybe that's not the case.<br/>Edit: Read the mother fuckin tags cuz there is a lot more than high school going on here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Years Start Coming And They Don't Stop Coming

**Author's Note:**

> Okayy, I have a few things to say before we begin.  
> First, this is my first time writing a fanfic, and I have no idea if I can write anything worth reading. Hopefully it goes well?  
> Second, I decided to mix a few things up, mostly the age differences and order of events. I hope you don't mind.  
> Lastly, I wrote this mostly for myself to see where I can take it, so I hope you don't hate it.
> 
> <333 enjoy

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I start the day like I would any other. I wake up, shower, and then get dressed and do my hair. I make my bed and make sure the whole house is spotless before heading off to school. 

 

When I arrive, I'm greeted by Hanji. She likes to call herself my friend; I call her an annoyance. She's practically bouncing off the walls at the moment, but that's nothing new. "Is there something you want, four eyes?"

 

"Just wondering if you're going to actually go to french class today, or spend your time smoking outside like usual."

"Maybe I'll go smoke on the roof instead." I reply sarcastically before brushing past her, heading to my locker. She follows persistently behind me.

"If you don't start showing up, the teacher's going to have to do something. You know that, right?"

 

"Ah, but does it look like I care?"

 

"Sweety, you may be able to fool everyone else with the whole 'I don't give a shit' act, but it's not fooling me. I know you won't tell me what, but I know something happened. I won't try to pry, but you should think about getting some help or something."

My expression progressively darkened as she talked, but as usual, she wasn't deterred. I barked out a sarcastic laugh. "Help? Yeah fucking right. I don't need help." I turned away, already done with this converstaion, but she grabbed my wrist. I turned back and saw the pity in her eyes. I shook her off and gave her the finger before stepping into my class.

 

After sitting at my desk in the the back of the room, I lay my head down on the desk and willed my mind to stop thinking. Thoughts swirled around and around wrecklessly. Suddenly I was angry. Enraged. I gripped the edge of desk, scowling. _What the fuck does Hanji know? Nothing. She needs to stay the fuck out of my business._

 

By now, most of the kids had filed into the class and taken their seats. Class was about to start. Pissed off, I shoved my desk away from me and stormed out of the classroom, ignoring the looks that the other students gave me.

 

I made my way outside and away from the school, over to the bench that I usually sit at. Pulling out a cigarette, I sat down and lit it. After a few inhales, I'd mostly calmed down, and had relaxed into the bench. I enjoyed the scenery of the park around me. There were birds flying from tree to tree, the green grass and lush green leaves blowing in the wind. It was still pretty early in the morning, so I was alone. It was nice.

 

After a while, I made my way back to the school, and for some reason, I decided to attend french class. Hanji gives me a surprised look, immediately followed by an apologetic one. I look away and take a seat. The teacher stands up to start her lesson, and looks surprised when she sees that my desk isnt empty. I glare at her, and she averts her gaze. She spends the whole class droning on about simple phrases that no one could care less about. "Ça c'est la porte," she states, pointing to the door, "et ça c'est la fenêtre." she continues, pointing to the window. Honestly, if these kids didn't even know this shit by now, they didn't have any hope of speaking french fluently. I only took this class because Hanji wanted me to take it with her, saying that it would be an easy credit if I did the work. Which I didn't.

 

Finally, the class ends and the teacher says goodbye to the students. As everyone begins to file out, she calls my name. "Would you mind staying for a few minutes after class? We need to discuss your attendance." Hanji snickers before exiting the room, and I sit back down at my desk, propping my feet up.

 

The teacher gives me a disapproving look before beginning another one of her lectures about how I need to get my shit together. "Don't you care that you're going to fail? At this rate you'll never graduate." _Blah blah blah._

 

"You used to do so well. What happened?"

 

At this, I look up and shoot her a glare. She flinches as I tell her, "I realized that I couldn't care less."

I stand. "Are we done here?" 

 

She grudgingly nods, telling me that if I don't hand in my project by next week, I'll be getting a zero. I sigh, walking out of the classroom.

Just as I'm about to close the door behind me, I hear, "Levi, wait! I know what we'll do!" 

 

I roll my eyes before turning around to give her another sharp glare, cocking one eyebrow in question.

 

"I'm assigning you a tutor." She declares.

 

I turn on my heel and start walking away. There is no fucking way that I'm going to deal with some cocky nerd droning on about subjects that I've already learned.

 

"Levi, you're going to meet with a tutor, or I'm going to go talk to Principle Erwin about your behavior."

I stop and wait. She knows that somehow Erwin is always able to convince me to do what he wants, much to my chagrin. _If only she knew how he did it,_ I think, holding back a smirk. Not that I wanted to see that asshole anymore.

 

The teacher gives me a smug look. "You'll meet with your new tutor on Friday. Where would you like to meet?"

 

"My house is fine." I reply before stalking off. I'm not going to spend my time in someone else's filthy home, and I'm definitely not staying in this hellhole any longer than I have to.

 

Sufficiently pissed off, I brush off anyone who tries to talk to me and exit the building so that I can start walking home.

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

Today I'm meeting with the kid I'm supposed to tutor for the next while. I've already heard quite a lot of the teachers gossiping about him when they think no one's paying attention. Apparently, he's impossible. He sasses all his teacher's, rarely hands in work, and shows up to class only when it suits him. Obviously, I have my work cut out for me, but I'm not afraid. I've had to deal with a lot worse.

 

I walk up to the door, checking the slip of paper that I received from the school one last time, making sure I have the right address.

I knocked loudly on the door, and then waited. And waited.

 

Finally, someone opened the door, and I really wasn't expecting what I saw. First of all, he was incredibly short. He's sixteen, only two years younger than me, but his head was barely level with my shoulder. He was also surprisingly handsome. His dark, striking haircut fit his angular face perfectly, and somehow he made his squinty, glaring eyes look more attractive than anything I'd seen before.

 

"Hello? Are you gonna stand there staring all day, or are you gonna tell me who the hell you are?" His narrowing eyes and snarky tone pulled me out of my trance, and I quickly narrowed my eyes as well. He wasn't too kind, was he?

 

"I'm your new tutor, Eren Jaeger." 

 

We both stood there, glaring at each other for a moment, before he turned around and walked inside without a word. I sighed. This might be more of a challenge than I'd expected.

 

He led me through the living room and into the kitchen, gesturing to the table before turning around to grab something from the fridge. I couldn't help but notice how clean it was in here. Everything was tidy without a trace of clutter, and there wasn't a trace of dirt or dust. The surfaces practically sparkled.

 

I sat down in one of the chairs, setting my bag on the table. Levi came and sat down in the chair next to me, holding a bowl of grapes. He placed them in front of us, each grape looking perfectly clean and shiny. I raised an eyebrow.

 

"I'm hungry." He stated humorlessly before popping one in his mouth. "Want some?"

 

I continued to watch him for another moment before reaching and grabbing a few for myself. "Where would you like to start?" I asked. He shrugged and popped a few more grapes into his  mouth. I sighed. "How about french, since it looks like you're the most behind in that subject."

 

He shrugged again. I gave him a pointed look, and he glared back at me before reaching to his own school bag, pulling out a binder. He opened it up, and again, everything was perfectly organized. Flipping to the french section, he looked back up at me.

 

"I already know how to speak french, I don't need to your help." He snarked.

 

"Really? Then why are you failing?" 

 

He smirked. "Because I have better ways to spend my time." He replied cryptically, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

I really didn't have the patience to deal with this today. I just sighed and pointed to the most overdue worksheet in the binder. "Let's get started."

 

***

 

Over all, we didn't get as much done as I'd hoped. Levi was annoyingly sluggish when it came to working, and he fought me with every little thing we did.

I was definitely not in a good mood by the time I got home. I walked in, slamming the door behind me. From the couch, I could see my sister, Mikasa, jump. She turned her head so she could see who'd walked in, and relaxed a little when she saw it was me. "Bad day?"

 

"I've had better." I replied before sitting next to her on the couch. She was watching a show that detailed the process of making hot dogs. Gross.

 

"Is he as much of a dick as they say he is?"

 

I grimaced. "Worse."

 

She gives me a sympathetic look. "You don't have to keep tutoring him, you know. No one's going to think badly of you for not wanting to help that asshole."

 

I shake my head. "I agreed to tutor him, so I will. I don't give up that easily."

 

Mikasa smiles, and I give her a hug before going to bed, exhausted.


	2. Fed To The Rules And I Hit The Ground Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tobacco buddies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this little chapter lying around, so I thought I'd post it?

**Levi's POV**

Today I'm not in the greatest mood. I met with Eren three times last week, and so far I've done my best to discourage his efforts. Oddly, he has this weird look of determination in his eyes every time that I think he's finally going to snap. Every time I piss him off, he just takes a deep breath and moves on. It's almost admirable.

Anyways, it's monday morning, and I have neither the energy nor the patience to deal with everyone's bullshit. After snapping at Hanji, who attempted to strike up a conversation with me, I made my way up to the third floor, seeking a change of scenery. I searched a bit before finding what I was looking for: a door leading outside onto the roof. Surprisingly, it was unlocked.

I was met with another surprise as I stepped out into the warm sunlight. There, sitting with his back against a higher part of the roof, was fucking Eren Jaeger.. He looked up at me with his sparkling turquoise eyes and smiled. For some reason, that really pissed me off. I scowled back at him, but for some reason, I made no effort to go back inside. Eren patted a spot beside him, and I sat down.

I never would have pegged him as a smoker, but there he was, halfway through a cigarette. I pulled out my own and lit it up. We sat there in a comfortable silence, looking out over the city, until i noticed a set of keys sitting beside Eren's leg.

"Are those the janitor's keys?" I ask, suspicious.

"What?" Eren asks, caught off guard, before looking down at the keys. "Oh these. Yeah, my friend Hannes is the janitor."

"And he just gave you his keys?"

" He didn't really... give them to me, but it's not like he would rat me out if he knew I had them." Eren replies. "I just needed a place to sit and chill out for a bit, y'know?"

So that's why the door was unlocked. I nod, and return my gaze to the view in front of us. Again, the silence is interrupted.

"I really don't think you're as bad as you try to convince people you are. You're not a heartless asshole." Eren blurts out. I shoot him an unconvinced glare.

"What if I am just a heartless asshole?" I challenge.

"You're not." he replies simply.

"You don't even fucking know me." I retort, unamused.

"I know enough, though." Eren gets up, throwing his cigarette butt on the ground and stepping on it. "I'll see you tomorrow night, Levi."

I sit there for a while longer, just staring off in the distance. I cant understand the feelings coursing through me. I'm almost.. excited to see Eren tomorrow? I haven't felt excited to see anyone in a long time, and it's never ended well before.

I smoke three cigarettes before heading back inside.

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

One thing I've noticed is that Levi's parents are never around. There's no trace that anyone lives in his house but him. Surely he must have parents though. He's sixteen. He's not just living alone. Or is he? Maybe he's in a similar situation as me.  
I've been living with just Mikasa for a little over 8 years now, sometimes staying with my friend Armin, or Hannes, until me and Mikasa could get jobs. I'm actually pretty curious about Levi's situation, but how would I bring it up?

I walk into Levi's house, not bothering to knock. He would just make me wait outside for 5 minutes before finally getting up to open the door, anyways.

I walk through the house, finding levi on the deck just outside the kitchen, smoking. I rap on the glass sliding door, and he looks over, a bored expression on his face. I point to the table, giving him a stern look of my own. He sighs and stubs out his cigarette before making his way to his chair.

Once we get started, it's clear that Levi is going to be as difficult as ever. I can't help but notice a difference though. I'll be explaining, only to look up and see Levi staring at my lips, almost drooling. When he catches me looking, he averts his gaze back down to the paper.

"Stop wasting my time and get on with your explanation, jackass."

I shake my head and go back to what I was saying, dispelling any thoughts from my head. Only, I look up and see him leaning closer and closer to me. Does he... Like me? But why would he like me? He doesn't like anybody, from what I've seen.

"Hey fuckface, I don't really want to spend all night with you. Stop staring into space."

At that, I realized that I'd stopped mid-explanation. Of course he doesn't like me, I think with a shake of my head. He puts a bit more distance between us, and I find myself mourning his proximity. I scoot closer before I realize what I'm doing, and by the time I notice it, I start stuttering and tripping over my words.

Stopping to take a deep breath, I close the text book in front of us. Levi is staring at me, amused, and I say, "I think that's enough for today. I'll see you tomorrow, Levi."

I walk out of the tidy house. The whole drive home, I mutter to myself, "I don't like him. He doesn't like me. He definitely doesn't like me. Who would, after what I've done?"

As if someone had been following my train of thought, I come home to find a little note on my front door. " _I know what you did, and trust me, there will be consequences_."

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme Know if there's any mistakes, and I hope you liked it <3


	3. Didn't Make Sense Not To Live For Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psychotic tendencies with a side of icecream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy more of my half-assed French <3

Levi's POV

Eren smells good. I learned this yesterday, while he was tutoring me. Of course, I wasn't listening to what he was saying, but he seemed a bit.. off. He wasn't quite as focused as usual. At one point, he even stopped mid-sentence, and just stared at nothing. I was starting to think he had a thing for me.

Eren would be here in about half an hour, as we'd decided to meet every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 6:00. I was walking around the house, being extra thorough in my cleaning. I made sure every crevice was spotless. I was a bit frustrated with myself for putting so much effort into something for Eren's sake, and he probably wouldn't even notice anyway. I just didn't want him to judge me if he found something out of place.

I heard Eren call out my name, walking into my house without knocking (again) and I turned around to give him a glare. "Hey shithead, ever heard of knocking?"

Eren just laughed. "It's not like you'd answer the door, anyways."

I rolled my eyes as we made our way over to the table.

"Let's get some more of your french homework done today." Eren said with a smile. He seemed a bit jumpy. Nervous, even.

"I guess."

"Okay, do you know how to conjugate the verbs 'avoir' and 'etre'?"

I smirked. "Oui, je sais"

"Tu sais? Show me then." Eren challenges.

"Je suis, tu es, il est..." I stop and roll my eyes. "Good enough?"

"You only covered three of the conjugations." He sounds exasperated.

I grew angrier with Hanji everyday for making me take beginner french with her. This was getting ridiculous. "Eren, I'm fucking french. I speak French. I've known this shit since before I came out of the fucking womb."

"Oh? Then why are you taking beginner french classes?"

"Because Hanji convinced me it would be an easy credit.." I mumble.

"And yet you're failing. You know, I don't think I believe you. Tell me something in french."

"Tu sens comme la pluie, et tu es bruyant comme la pluie aussi."

Eren concentrates for a moment, mulling over the words. He turns back to the papers on the table, obscuring his face, and I'm not sure if he understood what I said or not. He really does smell like the rain, though. Fresh, and not overbearing. I find myself leaning into him, trying to get more of the scent. I realize that Eren is becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and I smile internally. Pissing him off may not work, but maybe this will.

I bring my hand up to his face and  gently brush his bangs out of his eyes, pushing my fingers through his brown shaggy locks. Eren looks up, looking slightly bewildered and very flustered. I see the question in his eyes, and answer, "I don't know how the fuck you can read with you're hair covering your eyes, dumbass."

At my comment, his face returns to his usual scowl that he wears around me, and points to the page. "If you can speak french fluently, then I shouldn't have to explain this to you. Fill out the worksheet."

"No."

Just like that, Eren snaps. ' _I guess he's been having a bad day'_.

He stands up abruptly and shouts, "Levi, so help me god, I am this close to punching you in the fucking face. Make this easy on me just once, and answer the fucking questions."

I smirk. I think I like this Eren. "I don't want to."

I watch the fury in his eyes intensifie and he clenches his fists and lets out a long breath through his teeth. After a few moments, he sits back down.

"Fine." He flips to a new sheet; this one has a poem written on it that we were supposed to analyze. Eren doesn't even glance at it. "Do this sheet instead."

I slide the sheet closer to me, reading the title out loud, leaning in close to whisper it in his ear. "Je t'aime"

Eren flicks his eyes to my face, obviously understanding this simple phrase. I love you. I just glare back at him. Confused, he lowers his eyes to the page, and when he realizes that I was just reading the title of the poem, he flushes bright red. I smile at my achievement. I've found his weakness.

I stand up to grab him a cold drink to help him fight the burning in his cheeks, taking care to choose the cleanest glass, adding just the right amount of ice. I place the water in front of him, and he gulps it down thankfully.

We finish our session soon after, and Eren leaves. I'm left feeling alone for the first time in my life.

 

 

**Eren's POV:**

_'What the hell was that?_ ' I think as i make my way home. After receiving that note last night, I've been incredibly jumpy, starting at every movement and being suspicious of every shadow. Then I arrive at Levi's, and his stubbornness definitely wasn't helping my mood. I'm kind of ashamed that I snapped at him, but at the same time, he kind of deserves it. Not to mention, it seems as if he went out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable. _What a prick_.

It's dark out, the streetlights casting their slightly eery glow over the city. Buildings flash by, but I barely register them, deep in thought.My attention catches on the sight of the densely wooded area just on the outskirts of town in the distance, not too far from where I live. I stubbornly tried to banish the image from my mind. It couldn't be helped though.

I'm forced to stop at a red light, and my mind wanders to the incident, about a year ago. My mom had already died quite some time before, and my father left soon after. He blamed me for her death, and it was no secret. I blamed myself as well.

I'd wandered off into an alley, chasing a cat, and stumbled upon something I shouldn't have. There was a group of shady looking men, some holding guns, laughing and kicking someone on the ground. The man on the ground was a mess. I screamed, and my mom came running up behind me. Unfortunately, the men also heard my terrified scream, and began to advance on us. My mom pushed me behind her, whispering "Run Eren, go get help." Being the coward that I was, I ran.

Shortly after, I heard my mom scream, but I didn't turn back. I kept moving forward, tears in my eyes, shouting for someone to help.

Finally, I turned a corner and came across someone. It just so happened to be a family friend, Hannes. By the time we arrived back to the alley, my mom was left on the ground, beaten bloody.

It hit all of us hard. Mikasa became quiet and sullen, and my dad drank himself stupid, constantly shouting at me, telling me that it was all my fault. I could only quietly reply, "I know."

That was back when I was about nine. As I was saying, about a year ago, Mikasa disappeared. Her being my only family left, I freaked out. I called the police, but they seemed almost disinterested, telling me that they'd look into it.

I didn't sleep for two days, scouring every dark alley and sketchy looking building I could find. I can admit that I'd gone slightly mad, mumbling to myself constantly. I remember receiving many concerned looks as I passed oblivious citizens. Sometimes, I'd burst out laughing, telling myself that it was all a dream. But just as abruptly as the maniacal laughing began, it would stop. I was left screaming at nothing in particular, begging whatever forces may be to bring Mikasa back to me.

Finally, I found her in a cabin in the woods just outside of town. I'd spent hours wandering the area, desperate in my last resort. I came armed with only a knife, and as it turns out, the same jackasses that had killed our mom had also kidnapped Mikasa, planning to sell her into the sex trade. I stabbed two of the men to death, letting my anger take over, and surprisingly, Mikasa took care of the last one.

We made our way back home, and told no one about what had happened. I told the police that it was just a misunderstanding, and I'd found Mikasa. We never spoke of the incident again, but we lived in fear. What if someone found out where we were, and came after us for revenge?

I felt incredibly guilty. I'd killed two living, breathing people. It doesn't matter that they kidnapped Mikasa, no one deserves to be murdered. I felt like a hypocrite, hating them for killing my mother so coldly, and then doing the same to them.

I got into the habit of receding into my shell, distrustful of anyone and everyone. I blew off all my friends, telling them that I was 'going through some stuff.' The only one who stuck by me was my best friend Armin, who couldn't be fooled by my bullshit. He knew what I'd done, but didn't judge me, for which I was thankful.

We grew even more close than ever before, and sometimes I'd go days without talking to anyone but him. I even lost my job after I'd refused to show up a few times, preferring to huddle up in my bead.

Eventually, Mikasa and I relaxed, seeing no threat. (Until now, of course.) I was offered a bit of money from the school to tutor, since I got pretty decent grades. (I had nothing better to do.) Mikasa convinced me to agree, since we needed the money, and that was how I met Levi.

Shaking my head out of my reverie, I checked my phone. Mikasa had sent me a text saying she was staying the night at her friend Annie's house, so I was alone for the night. Not lonf after, I arrived at my house and stepped out of my car. I tensed immediately - something didn't feel right. Taking a deep breath, I told myself that I was just on edge. Still, I went back and placed my keys in the ignition, just in case I needed to make a quick getaway.

Cautiously, I opened the front door and stepped inside. Seeing no immediate threat, I made my way to the living room. Nothing.

Just as I was about to turn around to check the kitchen, someone grabbed my head from behind and shoved it into the wall. I let out a startled noise as I fell, turning around to look at my attacker. He was wearing all black, and he had mean face with a look of pure hatred in his eyes.

"Shit," I mumbled, and he kicked me, hard, in the stomach.

"I've waited a long time to get my revenge. You know that, kid?"

He pulled out a knife, and just like that, my mind went into overdrive. The fogginess in my head cleared, and my vision sharpened. My mind focused with a rush of adrenaline pumping itself into my veins. I  swiftly kicked his feet out from under him, and then jumped on top of him, punching him in the face. He brought his knife up and stabbed me in the thigh. I let out a cry, but didn't make a move to get off.

I lost control of myself, my cry dissipating into crazed giggles. I punched him repeatedly until he somehow managed to throw me off. He was strong, but pretty disoriented. I saw my chance and ran out the door and into my car, backing out of the driveway quickly.

I had no idea where to go, and no idea if my attacker was following me. I sped down random streets, checking my rearview mirror. There was no one behind me. Looking around, I realized I was close to Levi's house. I saw no other option - I didn't have any family, and my depression had effectively shut my friends out of my life- so I pulled into Levi's driveway and to the front door. I even knocked.

By now, my adrenaline rush was starting to fizzle away. Suddenly, I was exhausted. My leg was covered in blood, and I was shivering uncontrollably. I probably looked pretty pathetic.

Levi opened the door, a look of shock on his face. When he saw the blood on my leg, he pulled me inside and closed the door behind him. He dragged me towards the bathroom, and it was getting increasingly hard to put weight on my right leg.

"Take your pants off." Levi ordered.

"W-what?" I sputtered.

"I have to see the wound, dumbass."

"O-oh." I began to pull my pants down. Levi reached into the cupboard, pulling out a first aid kit and opening it up. He looked back over at my leg and let out a curse.

"We should probably take you to the hospital."

"No!" I stopped, embarrassed, and then continued a little quieter, "Please don't take me to the Hospital."

The thought of all the bustling people, everyone sick and dying, not to mention the fucking needles -Oh God- had me panicking. My breathing was erratic and rushed, and I was becoming really dizzy.

Levi pulled me into his arms, telling me that it was ok, he wouldn't take me there. "Come on Eren, deep breaths. It's gonna be ok."

Somehow, I eventually calmed down and my breathing evened out. Levi let go of me, and I gave him a grateful smile. He went about the process of gently and delicately cleaning and dressing my wound, and I just sat there admiring his elegant and graceful movements.

When he was done, he helped me stand, and brought me to the living room.

"One sec," He said before disappearing.

I stood there, shaking. I could barely hold my weight up. Out of nowhere, I was sobbing, and no matter what I tried, I couldn't hold it in. I couldn't stop. The weight of everything just crashed down on me, after years of fake smiles and dry eyes.

Levi walked back into the room and saw me standing there, pathetic and broken. He walked up to me and wrapped a big, warm quilt around my shoulders, draping it over my head like a hood. He lead me over to the couch and sat me down, and then turned on the t.v.

"Wanna watch a movie?" He asked. I was eternally grateful for the fact that he didn't ask any questions. He didn't try to pry at all.

I sniffed. "Yeah."

I felt a bit embarrassed for being such a baby, and guilty for making the younger one take care of me. I couldn't really help it though.

Levi turned on Netflix and handed me the PS3 controller. "Choose a movie, I'll go get us some snacks."

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I made my way to the kitchen, pulling out things from different cupboards. I'd never been an emotional person, and I wasn't quite sure how to deal with this. I decided to go off what I'd learned from the rare rom-com that I've seen, moving to the freezer and pulling out some ice cream that I'd bought on a whim. I scooped some into two bowls after putting a bag of popcorn into the microwave. I boiled some water and poured two cups of calming tea, and then grabbed a box of tissues. I put it all on a tray and made my way back to the living room.

Eren looked up and gave me an amused smile. I scowled at him since I didn't know what else to do.

Placing the tray on the coffee table, I took a seat beside him. Eren looked like Christmas had come early, shouting, "Ice cream!" and I swear I would've thought he was twelve if I didn't know better.

"Are you sure you're eighteen? I'm starting to doubt which one of us is the older one."

Eren ignored me and grabbed his bowl of ice cream, shoving a big spoonful into his mouth. I sighed and picked up my bowl, taking a little ice cream with the tip of my spoon a delicately licking it off. I took a few more bites before I looked over and noticed Eren watching my movements, entranced.

"Watch the movie, dickhead." I told him, secretly pleased. Eren had chosen a lighthearted comedy; Talladega Knights starring Will Ferrell. I smiled at the choice, it was one of my favourites.

We watched silently for a while, occasionally laughing at the lewd humor. About halfway through, I noticed Eren start to lean towards me, half asleep. I didn't move until he put his head on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me. I wasn't used to people touching me (unless they were using me for sex) so I shoved him off, and he looked up at me, unfazed, before doing it again.

I grinded my teeth angrily. "What the fuck are you doing, Eren?"

"I'm tired" he mumbled softly. I sighed and finished watching the movie before drifting off, Eren basically in my lap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <333333 cuties
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know if I made any mistakes :D


	4. Your Brain Gets Smart, But Your Head Gets Dumb.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the day that goes on forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo a lot goes on in one day, and I'm kinda sorry about that, but oh well. I had to split it into parts, so we'll see how it goes.

**Levi's POV**

 

I jerk awake, flailing a bit when I realized that I couldn't move. As my eyes adjusted to the brightness in the room, I took in my surroundings. Somehow, me and Eren had become a mess of tangled limbs on my small couch, and I was almost uncomfortably warm. Despite this, I smiled. It wasn't bad.

Checking the time, I saw that it was almost 1:00 in the afternoon. Well shit, it looks like we're not going to class today. I wasn't so much worried for myself as I was for Eren. He seemed like the type with almost perfect attendance. Then again, maybe not, considering I'd found him on the roof of the school not too long ago during class time.

If I knew one thing, it was that happiness and peace couldn't last forever, and I didn't plan on waiting around for when it fell apart. With this thought in mind, I unceremoniously shove Eren off of me and onto the floor before standing up.

I laugh at Eren's bewildered look before making my way into the kitchen and out onto the deck. For some reason, this warm feeling is nostalgic, and as I light my cigarette, I can't help but look back on the past.

***

All my life, I'd been under great pressure to succeed. In my parent's eyes, if I wasn't first, I was last. If I wasn't getting A's, I was getting F's. And so I did the only thing that I could. I got A's.

I learned early on that if I wanted any form of attention, I had to exceed expectations. If I came home with anything less than 95% on a test, my parents would frown and send me to my room. There was no yelling, no arguing, and no supper.

I desperately craved their attention, so I tried my hardest. I separated myself from all the other kids. I didn't talk to anyone; people were just distractions. Still, no matter how hard I tried, when I'd show my parents my marks, they would just shrug with indifference, completely uninterested. "You could do better." is all they'd say.

By the time I reached eighth grade, I was unbearably angry. I didn't know what I was angry about, or who to be angry at. I couldn't confront my parents for fear of disappointing them, so I took it out on everyone else. I talked back to my teachers constantly, and got into plenty of fights. Through all that, I managed to stay at the top of my class.

Unfortunately, my parents began hearing about my antics, and soon home life became unbearable. My parents decided to stop feeding me, hoping it would 'make me come to my senses.' I ate what I could while I wasn't at home, but still lost a bit of weight. Stubborn as I was, I didn't stop getting into fights. I didn't know how.

When my parents saw that it wasn't getting any better, my dad decided it would be a good idea to beat me into submission. I would go straight to my room after school, having no reason to be out, and afraid to be anywhere else in the house. They still refused to let me eat. I would sit quietly, waiting for the inevitable phone call.

Once it rang, and I heard my dad's calm, level voice answer, saying that he'd 'have a talk with me," I'd tense up, having nothing to do but sit and wait. And then he'd hang up, and I'd hear him stomp up the stairs and slam open my door.

"You know I have to do this," he'd say as he grabbed me by the neck and slammed me against the wall. Then he'd kick me into the floor until he was satisfied with his parenting, leaving me there to pick myself up.

He always made sure not to hit me in the face, so as to avoid suspicion. Even so, my teachers definitely noticed a difference. I stopped talking back, instead remaining silent and sluggish. I wore baggy clothes to hide how skinny I'd gotten. My teachers would try to stop me after class, asking if I was ok, and I'd just brush past them and out the door.

I lost the strength to fight, but my attackers kept coming, and the phone calls didn't stop. Every time I was caught being kicked into the ground by another student, the student would claim that I'd started it, and the teachers never felt the need to investigate further. Everyone knew how much of an asshole I was and no one would believe me even if I had tried to stand up for myself. (Which I didn't.)

At the beginning of grade nine, my parents made a decision. Apparently, they'd been saving up for a while, and they were going on 'vacation'. Just like that, they were gone, leaving a note on the counter telling me that they didn't know when they'd be back, but they'd send money every month. After all that time trying to please them, they just left without even saying goodbye. I guess I should've been happy; they sent me enough money to actually eat, and they weren't around to hurt me anymore. But I couldn't see past the fact that I'd lost any chance of what I'd spent my whole life trying to get.I came to the conclusion that my parents realized that I was more trouble than I was worth, and I really couldn't blame them.

With my parents gone, I stopped trying. My grades dropped drastically, and I was told that I would be lucky if I passed grade nine at all. I was frequently sent to Principle Erwin's office once they realized that no one was answering their snitching phone calls anymore.

After spending quite a bit of time with Erwin, I began noticing the way his gaze lingered in places longer than they should, and the way he bit his lip when he thought I wasn't looking. Naturally, I used this to my advantage, and flirted my way through his defenses. It really was easy to get off the hook when you had your pervert of a principle wrapped around your finger.

The first time I walked out of his office after he'd practically raped my mouth, I felt dirty. I felt like a piece of shit, but who wouldn't?

I kept giving in, though. I never tried to stop him as things gradually went further, and even began to crave his closeness. I'd never had someone to tell me that I was amazing, I'd never gotten to feel someone else's warmth. I was truly convinced that I loved him.

Soon we were meeting outside of school almost every day, but we never did anything that wasn't sexual. He never took me out to dinner, never told me he loved me, but I convinced myself that he did.

One day, I blurted out that I loved him.

Just like that, Erwin seemed to come to his senses. He told me that he couldn't do this anymore, I was underage and they could get caught. _After all that, and he was worried about getting caught now?_ He handed me my clothes and walked out of the bedroom to grab a glass of whiskey, telling me I could show myself out when I when I was ready. "Try not to take too long though, I've got things to do." he said rather coldly over his shoulder.

As you can probably imagine, whatever was left of my completely unstable psyche snapped, and I gave into my crippling depression without a fight. Twice now, the closest thing that I'd had to love was ripped away from me, and I gave up. I did just enough at school to stay out of Erwin's office, but no more. I took up smoking, seeking a way to calm down after one of my more troubling anxiety attacks.

If I wasn't at school, smoking or compulsively cleaning (another habit that I'd picked up somewhere along the way), I was in bed, trying to sleep away the ever-present exhaustion that I felt.

It wasn't until second semester that things started to look up. I think i got over Erwin, or at least enough to be functional, and I (unwillingly) made a friend, which led to more friends, and I couldn't help but wonder how it happened.

It started when I walked into biology, every seat taken except for the one beside a zealous looking girl with a messy ponytail and glasses. I walked over and sat down, making no effort to acknowledge her presence.

The girl looked over at me with an almost crazed look in her eyes and smiled. "I can't wait to dissect things!" she bubbled.

No 'Hi, my name is..' She wanted to fucking dissect things. Just my luck to get stuck with the psychopath.

I didn't say anything, just put my head down on the table. Of course, she didn't let it go there. She poked me in the arm, and when I didn't look up, she kept poking harder and harder until I did.

"My name's Hanji!"

"And I don't give a fuck. Now leave me alone."

"You're Levi." She stated, ignoring my pissy attitude. I must've looked confused, because she added, "I've heard a lot about you. Apparently you're a douchebag."

I smirked -which was the closest I'd come to smiling in months- and said "Yep, that's me. Now fuck off."

"Ooo, I like you. Blunt and straight to the point. We should be friends."

Jesus fucking christ, this girl couldn't take a hint.

"No."

"Yes."

"No"

"Yeessss."

"No."

"You'll come around."

"No I won't."

"Okayy" She said, drawing out the last syllable.

It was clear that she wasn't giving up. _Fuck my life._

After that day, Hanji made me her personal project. She would follow me out of the classroom and try to strike up conversation. She'd walk up to me as I was leaving the school and invite me to hang out, to which I routinely declined. She would pop up at my locker with little gifts or treats, which I would usually throw out.

But one day I found myself laughing at one of her jokes, and I couldn't tell when I'd started to enjoy her company. It just kind of hit me that I was happier than I'd been in a long time.

I finally agreed to sit with Hanji and her friends at their table during lunch, and it just kind of went from there.

Even so, I can't say that I'm perfectly happy. Far from it. Sometimes, I can't find the energy to get out of bed in the morning, or the rest of the day. I spend several days just staring at the ceiling above my bed.

I still get these fits of uncontrollable anger sometimes, and I still get into fights. I snap at Hanji, and then feel guilty about it.

I don't have the energy to really try in school, and even though Hanji and her friends are all really nice and polite, I can't help but feel like I don't belong. I keep myself closed off, not sharing any of my feelings. I don't think I even remember how to do so.

***

After finishing off my second smoke, I return to the living room. Eren had crawled back up onto the couch and is sound asleep. I walk up and run my fingers through his hair, enjoying the soft feeling. Eren stirs slightly, so I stop and pull my hand away.

I need a shower, I feel gross, so I leave Eren on the couch and head to the bathroom. 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

_What a fucking dick._ I really shouldn't be surprised that Levi chose to wake me up by shoving me onto the floor, but I'm really too tired to care, so I pick myself up and go back to sleep. Levi's couch is really comfy.

I'm woken up again by the sound of running water; I guess Levi went to take a shower. Standing up, I wince as I try to put weight on my right leg. I'd almost forgotten about last night. Jesus, that had been eventful.

Choosing not to think about it just yet, I hobble over to the kitchen to find something to eat. I'd never actually looked into any of Levi's cupboards, despite how much time I spent in his kitchen. Opening the first one I saw, I didn't find anything out of the ordinary. Just a neat assortment of mugs and glasses, all categorized according to size.

Grabbing a glass, I closed the cupboard and moved on to the next one. It held Levi's plates and bowls, so I reached in and grabbed a cereal bowl. I had to move a stack of plates slightly out of the way, and I noticed a slip of paper sticking out beneath the stack. Curious, I pulled it out.

It was a simple, straight forward note. " _Levi, we decided to take an extended trip. You're old enough to take care of yourself. We'll send money every month to cover living expenses_."

I frowned at the note. It was obviously from his parents. What put me off was the fact that it was completely impersonal; they didn't even bother to write ' _We love you._ ' I don't know why this pissed me off so much, but it did. Never mind the fact that his own parents didn't even bother telling him beforehand that they were going away for who-knows-how-long, but they didn't even have the decency to show their child that they cared about him. Maybe they really just didn't care.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped and turned around at Levi's suspicious voice. He looked down at the slip of paper in my hands, and his expression immediately darkened.

"Who told you that you could go snooping around in my shit, asshat?"

"Uh..I-I was just grabbing a bowl for some cereal, and I noticed the paper... And I probably shouldn't have read it and I'm sorry and-"

"Just- shut up. Stop."

"Levi-"

"No, it's no big deal. It's fucking fine, ok?"

Levi began shuffling around the room, straightening things on the counter so that they were perfectly aligned, before moving on to the cupboard that I'd left open. As he passed, he plucked the note out of hands and placed it back under the plates. He straightened the stack and closed the cupboard.

"Levi, are you alright? You can talk to me if you'd like."

"No. I am not going to have some sentimental bullshit party with my God damn tutor. Fuck off."

"But, Levi, if I were in your shoes, I'd be pretty upset about how they chose to tell you they were leaving. How long have they been gone?"

" _Oh my god_. Shut up! It's ok if you show up at my house and cry your fucking eyes out, but I'm not going to do the same. And did I try to pry into your shit? No."

Levi was moving much quicker now, he had a rag in his hand and he was wiping off every surface he could find, no matter how clean it looked.

"Maybe you should just-"

Levi stopped abruptly, his feet halting in front of a small scuff on the floor. He dropped to his knees and began desperately scrubbing at it with his rag. When it didn't come off right away, his movements became more frantic.

I put my hand on his shoulder, and he tensed.

"Don't" he said angrily. "Fucking-fuck just-" He let out a yell in frustration.

The scuff wasn't going away, and it didn't look like Levi could handle it. He banged his fist on the ground and yelled "What the fuck!?"

I watched as Levi dropped the rag and sat back against the counter, pulling his knees up to his chest and hiding his face.

I didn't know what to do. I generally closed myself off from people, except for Mikasa and Armin. I wasn't used to having to comfort someone who looked like they were about to have a nervous breakdown.

I got down on my knees beside him and pulled Levi into my arms. I didn't know what to say, but I had a feeling he preferred silence anyway.

I sat back against the counter. It was bit awkward; he was curled up in a ball between my legs, but I just held him tighter and pulled him so that he was leaning on my chest, resting my chin on his shoulder.

I don't know how long we sat there, but eventually Levi relaxed into my embrace, and I loosened my grip a little. We continued as we were, and it wasn't bad. Levi smelled clean, like shampoo.

"You can let the fuck go of me now." Levi complained, but made no move to get up. I just gave a non-commital hum.

After a few moments, Levi craned his neck so that he was facing me, and lightly kissed me on the chin before turning back around and shoving my arms off of him.

"Stop fucking touching me," he grumbled as he got to his feet, picking up the rag and rinsing it off in the sink. I just sat there, staring at him.

There was a weird feeling in my stomach and I couldn't comprehend why he'd done that. When I realized that I was still sitting on the ground with no doubt a dumb look on my face, I scrambled to my feet and asked Levi where he kept the cereal. Levi pointed to a pantry a few feet away and I quickly walked over to it.

After we'd both taken a seat at the table, our breakfasts laid out in front of us, Levi looked up and met my gaze. "So what are you gonna do now?" He was referring to the fact that I'd left from his house last night only to come back beaten and bloody. _Just as the mood was returning to a more upbeat state, he just had to send it plummeting back down again_.

"W-well, I guess I don't really know. Some people are.. after me, and I don't really think it's safe for me to stay at home anymore."

Just saying those few words brought the whole ordeal to the forefront of my mind, and I suddenly felt very overwhelmed. I couldn't go home, they would just come back. What if they showed up again while Mikasa was there alone? _Oh shit, Mikasa._

I pulled out my phone quickly, but didn't have time to send at text before I felt a hand on my own. I looked up to see Levi looking at me with a tender, worried expression. I was momentarily frozen in shock, it was such a change from his usual apathetic facials.

"Eren, you need to calm down, alright? You're shaking. You can stay here if you need to; I'm not gonna let you go back home."

"B-but Mikasa!" I yelled. It was all I could get out in my desperation and crippling worry.

_What if she was at home right now? What if the man from last night was just sitting in my house, waiting for one of us to come back?_

I dialed her number at lightning speed and impatiently listened to it ring, tapping my fingers against the table in a frantic rhythm. A glance at Levi's mildly confused facial expression reminded me that I'd never told him about Mikasa before, but that could be explained later.

Someone picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?" comes Mikasa's voice, and I sigh audibly at her carefree tone.

"Mikasa, they found us." I probably could've been a bit more graceful with my approach, but I was really too flustered.

Just like that, her carefree tone was replace with one of worry and slight panic. "Eren? Where are you? Did they get you? Are you hurt? Please tell me you're al-"

"I'm fine. We can't go home, though. Are you still at Annie's?"

"Yeah. Are you sure you're ok?"

" _Yes_." I reply, a bit exasperated. "Would you be able to stay there for a few weeks, until we can figure something out?"

"Um, one sec." I heard Mikasa speaking to someone else -Annie, I guess- but the conversation was muffled and I couldn't make out much. After a bit of back and forth, Mikasa's voice was once again clear through the line. "Yeah, it's all good. But what about you?"

I could hear the apprehension in her voice; she knew I didn't really talk to anyone that much anymore. My eyes flick up to meet Levi's; he's been shamelessly following the conversation. I couldn't blame him, Mikasa's voice was more than loud enough to make out from his position.

Levi gave me a stern look and nodded, indicating that I'd be staying here.

"I, uh, I'm actually going to stay with Levi."

Mikasa didn't bother to hide the surprise in her voice. "Levi? As in the biggest douchebag in the school, Levi? The one who gives you unnecessary trouble and sass? You can't be serious."

I looked up once again and took in Levi's amused features. It almost seemed like he enjoyed the comments, looking completely unbothered.

"Mikasa, he's not that bad."

She scoffed. "Not that bad? I know how you are after visiting him, Eren. He frustrates you to no end."

"Yeah, ok, maybe he's a bit of a dick sometimes," I murmered into the receiver, hoping Levi had miraculously stopped paying attention. (One look at him told me he hadn't, and he was definitely enjoying this.)

"Sometimes?" Mikasa scoffed again.

"Ok, all the time." I relented, still murmuring. "But it's kind of cute, you know?"

It took me a second realize what I'd just admitted, and I could feel my cheeks flare up with heat.

"What was that, Eren? Stop mumbling." Mikasa scolded.

I didn't answer because I was too busy dying of embarrassment. Levi was looking at me with this smug look that still managed to be threatening.

"I'm not cute." Levi complained, but there was a ghost of a smile on his face.

"Mikasa I've gotta go, ok? Please, just stay safe and don't go anywhere alone. Call me if anything happens. I love you." I told her, quelling my mortification for a moment.

"I love you too Eren." She told me, completely serious, before hanging up. I dropped the phone on the table and put my head down on my arms. I didn't want to look at Levi's self-satisfied face any longer.

"You're the one who's cute." Levi mumbled indignantly as he stood up, so quiet that I wasn't sure if I'd heard him correctly.

I lifted my head, mouth agape, and squinted at him. "Did you just..?"

"Fuck off, Jaeger."

He was rinsing his cereal bowl in the sink, his back turned to me, so I couldn't see his face.

I don't really know what came over me, maybe it was the build up of stress causing me to just give in and let my instincts take over, but I found myself getting to my feet and quickly closing the distance between us. I stood behind him, wrapping my arms around either side of him to place my hands over his, stilling them.

"Did you just call me cute?"

"What if I did?" Levi defiantly replied, his voice becoming a bit husky.

Instead of answering, I ran my hands slowly up his beautifully defined arms, over his shoulders, and tugged lightly at his hair. He let a quiet little moan escape, sending a jolt straight to my groin.

I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "You'll have to be punished."

At that, Levi lightly shook loose from my grip before turning around, forcefully pushing me back until I was leaning against the kitchen table.

"You should just accept the truth." he whispered just as seductively.

Levi placed his hand on the back of my head, gripping my hair and pulling my head down so that our lips met. I returned the kiss with equal force, pushing forward from where I was leaning against the table so that I could stand, freeing my hands. I reached around and placed a hand on the small of his back, causing him to arch it slightly.

Levi swiped his tongue along my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth just enough to let him in. I pulled him closer, as close as I could get.

Both of us struggled for dominance, and I refused to relent.

I broke off the kiss just enough to whisper breathily, "I'm the oldest, I get control. You're just my student." before sliding my hands down to cup his ass, pulling him in order to keep our bodies flush against one another.

Levi gasped slightly before regaining his composure. He ran his hands up my sides, both of us still fighting to dominate the other. Once his hands reached my chest, he slid them back down over my stomach. His feather light touch kept going, slowly, until he reached my arousal, and I rolled my hips forward to meet him, desperate for friction. He retracted his hand, bringing it up so he could slowly slide them under my waistband.

By now, I'd forgotten about gaining dominance, his teasing touch making my thoughts incoherent. I felt him smirk against my lips before dipping his hand lower. I let out a mixture between a gasp and a moan, the noise coming out breathless and strangled. As if that weren't embarrassing enough, I accidentally shifted my weight onto my right leg, and regretted it instantly.

I gave a sharp cry before tumbling straight to the floor. Defeated, I just lay there, sprawling out on my back, and stared up at the ceiling. I could hear Levi chuckling, but refused to look at him.

"Maybe you really are twelve years old." he giggled out -actually giggled- and I scowled, an angry retort perched on my tongue, but we were interupted by a loud, obnoxious knock on the door. I didn't move, instead letting Levi handle it while I wallowed in embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohohohohohoho  
> haha  
> ha  
> I'm sorry, this chapter was almost completely self satisfying, but then again, this whole fic is. I'm a mess.


	5. So Much To Do, So Much To See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2/2 of the day that won't fucking end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, somehow this turned into a dramatic tearfest, and I'm really sorry
> 
> Ohh btw, in case you were wondering, my tumblr url is fmaloser. You can talk to me there if ya want

**Levi's POV**

As soon as I heard the obnoxious pounding at the door, I knew it was Hanji. I went over to answer it only to find that she was already letting herself in.

"Hanji, what a surprise." I deadpanned.

"Nice to see you too, Levi sweety. Where's your tutor? I still haven't had the chance to meet him!"

I didn't even try to hide the annoyance in my voice. "How did you know he was here?"

"There's a car out front, I figured it was his. You don't usually have visitors. Uh, also... There's a bit of blood on your front porch?"

"Don't worry about it." I bit out, making it clear that we weren't going to discuss that particular topic any further. Being Hanji, she just smiled and nodded, completely at ease.

She flounced by me and into the kitchen, and I heard her giggle. "Oohh Levi, you didn't tell me he was so attractive!" she called over her shoulder.

I ran a hand over my face before joining them.

"...But I do have to ask, what is he doing?"

Eren was still sprawled out on the floor, but at some point he'd flipped over onto his stomach to hide his face in the crook of his arm. (and probably to hide his boner too) He was completely unresponsive, his remaining limbs spread out in star formation.

"He's meditating. It helps him channel his inner genius." I told Hanji matter-of-factly.

She gave me a dubious look.

"Fuck off, Levi." came Eren's muffled reply.

"Eat shit, Eren." I answered happily. I turned to Hanji. "So why are you here, shit glasses?"

"Oh! You missed class," she flicked her suspicious eyes between me and Eren. "so I thought I'd bring you some notes that you missed."

"Thanks" I replied sarcastically. She knew I wouldn't even look at them; she had another motive.

"Also.. I noticed that Eren was nowhere to be seen either, so I figured I'd check up on you. Obviously, my hunch was right." She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"We're not fucking, Hanji." Eren and I both groaned simultaneously.

Hanji looked down and seemed to notice for the first time the bandage on Eren's leg. (He was still in his boxers)

"Wild night?" She teased.

"Pretty much. Now, if you're done 'checking up on me' I'd appreciate if you'd kindly get your ass out of my house." I tilted my head and gave her a sarcastic smile.

"Oh no, this is too much fun! Besides," she pouted, "We haven't spent time together in so long."

"There's a reason for that" I glared.

Eren looked about ready to get up, so I went over to help him out. He gave me a grateful look as I dumped him in a chair.

"What a pretty face!" Hanji crooned, which for some reason made me angry. She made a move to get closer to him, but I grabbed her arm before she made it far.

"Leave him alone, Hanji." I said through my teeth.

"Hey, if you're not fucking him, that means he's fair game, right?"

She winked at Eren, who looked on with an amused expression. I knew she was just trying to get a reaction out of me, but I took the bait anyways.

"Hanji, go the fuck home."

She didn't answer, shaking free of my grasp and quickly taking position behing Eren, draping her arms across his chest. "What do you think, Eren?"

Eren seemed to be enjoying the fact that I could barely keep a reign on my emotions, which made me even angrier. He just relaxed back into Hanji's chest, raising his eyebrows at me in a silent challenge.

"HANJI. GO. HOME."

"Ok, darling, I guess I'll be on my way." She sang out, as if it was completely her choice.

As soon as she moved away from Eren I took my place behind her and pushed her towards the door.

"Don't come back."

"Love you too, Levi!" She leaned in close and whispered, "You're lucky he's so obviously gay, or I might actually try to steal him from you."

With a smirk and a wink, she was gone.

I slammed the door shut behind her, and then leaned back against it. Eren poked his head out of the kitchen.

"Jealous, are we?"

"Don't talk to me, I'm busy."

I pushed up from the door and went to grab the mop bucket and a bottle of bleach.

"Isn't this place clean enough?"

"No."

I proceeded to fill the bucket with water and chemicals, scrubbing down one surface at a time. Eren watched with a perplexed look on his ugly (beautiful) face. After I'd finished sanitizing every crevice of the kitchen, I looked up at Eren just in time to see his expression change, almost as if a light bulb had gone off in his head.

"I know what this is! You have OCD."

"I don't."

"You do."

"Fuck off and mind your own business."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed of something that I don't have."

Eren just shook his head, flopping onto the couch so he could watch me clean the living room.

"Hmm, I wonder if it's some kind of coping mechanism?" Eren said to himself aloud. T

his really wasn't a subject that I wanted to discuss. I threw my sponge down and turned on him, giving him the meanest glare that I've got. "You know what, Eren? I'm so close to coming over there and breaking your nose, so just drop it."

"Why don't you ever just let me have a normal conversation with you?! If you want to hit me, go ahead. Sorry for trying to get to know you."

I snorted. "You're my tutor, not anything more."

"Oh? Then what was that a little while ago?" he teased.

I lunged forward and straddled him on the couch. "Stop. Fucking. Patronzing. Me!"

Each word was punctuated with a punch that he somehow deflected. I put all my strength into the last punch, and managed to make contact with his jaw.

Eren just glared up at me, refusing to fight back. I could see that I'd hurt him, and felt tremendously guilty. It frustrated me that I felt so concerned for his well being -God knows that I don't give a shit about anyone else.

We stared eachother down for another moment. Finally, I sighed, leaned forward and nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck, mumbling an indignant "Sorry."

Eren wrapped his arms around my back and I felt any leftover trace of anger leave my body. We remained in this position for an immeasurable amount of time, enjoying each other's scents. (or atleast I was enjoying his.)

I begrudgingly removed myself from my place on top of him when I felt the faint beginnings of anxiety start to poke at my consciousness, threatening to ruin my mood completely. I hadn't finished cleaning the house, and I could feel myself becoming more and more disgusted with my surroundings, so I returned to my bucket and picked up the sponge, getting back to work.

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

We agreed that it would probably be best if I went and got some of my stuff, since I was going to be staying with Levi for a while. Levi didn't want me going alone, and I couldn't drive anyways with my leg being in almost constant pain.

I called Armin, asking him if he could give me a ride over to my house. He agreed happily, complaining that we'd barely spent time together lately.

I heard a knock about 20 minutes later, so I went over to let Armin in.

"Wow, it spells like bleach in here." he remarked.

"Yeah... Levi has a bit of a cleaning obsession. He's in the bathroom right now. I swear, by the time he's done in there, there won't be a single living organism left."

Just then, Levi walked out of the bathroom and over to us. "If you have a problem with how I do things, dickweed, you can go live somewhere else."

Somehow, I could tell he didn't mean that.

"You should come live with me, Eren!" Armin cried enthusiastically.

"It's alright, Armin, I know you have your hands full with your grandpa." I gave him a sympathetic look.

Recently, his grandpa had fallen pretty ill, and Armin spent most of his time taking care of him. I didn't want to make it any harder on Armin by having to take care of me too.

Armin nodded, his eyes tearing up slightly. It made my heart ache; after everything he'd done for me, I couldn't stand to see him upset.

I pulled him into a hug, wrapping my arms around his waist. Armin snuggled in close, taking comfort in the familiar feel of my body against his.

To say that me and Armin were close was an understatement. We were both gay, but our relationship was completely platonic. Still, to anyone that wasn't used to our affectionate tendencies, it wasn't uncommon for them to think we were dating. Most of my grade thought we were, despite both of us indifferently stating that we weren't. We didn't really care what people thought of us.

I was never as touchy-feely with anyone the way I was with Armin. I couldn't explain it; we had known each other for so long that there were literally no barriers between us, and we both needed a bit of comfort from time to time. We had each other when we had no one else.

Our relationship never developed into anything romantic, though. We'd kissed once, but that was as far as we'd gotten, both of us agreeing that it just felt weird.

Looking up at Levi, I realized that Armin and I's hug was much too couply, and was lasting way too long to be considered just a friendly hug between friends. This was reflected in the obvious anger and jealousy in Levi's expression, though he tried to hide it.

I gently pulled away from Armin, giving him a smile, and sauntered up to Levi, pulling him into his own hug before he could protest. I pushed his head against my chest and brought my arms to the small of his back.

"He's just a friend, in case you were wondering." I murmured into his ear.

Levi looked up at me with doubt and anger in his eyes. He tried to pull away, but my grip was strong.

"Let the fuck go of me, Jaeger." I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Shh sweety, even dickheads like you need some love once in a while." I teased, nuzzling my head into his hair.

Surprisingly, Levi buried his head into my chest without any further protest. I smiled. Levi acted tough and heartless, but it was all a façade. I was starting to think that he just didn't know how to express his emotions properly. That was alright, though.

I heard Armin laugh behind me, and I pulled away from Levi.

"I'll see you soon, honeybunch." I winked, and I could've sworn I saw a hint of red on Levi's cheeks. I got some kind of strange pleasure from calling Levi cutesy pet names, and decided to make it a habit. I didn't exactly know what was going on between us, but couldn't say that I didn't approve.

"We should get going." Armin said between giggles.

"Let's go then." I grabbed Armin by the arm and led him outside.

"So... You and Levi, huh?"

"Ugh, I don't even know what's going on myself, so don't start."

"Maybe it'll work out better than you and Jean." Armin cracked.

"Can we just completely drop the topic of my love life?"

"Fiine"

I was glad for the baggy sweats that Levi had lent me; they covered the bandage on my leg well. I could tell that Armin noticed my limp though, despite my best efforts to walk like a normal human being.

"So, you called me to drive you back to your house instead of using your own car, which conveniently, is right there," Armin gave me a pointed look. "and you're limping. Wanna tell me what's up?"

I sighed as I sank down into the cushy passenger seat of Armin's car. I didn't really have choice though; he would guess it soon enough if I didn't explain.

"They finally found Mikasa and I."

Armin's head snapped to the side, his eyes widening as he stared at me open-mouthed. "What happened?"

"When I got home last night, one of them came up behind me and shoved me against the wall. He had a knife." I started out angrily, but soon my voice weakened and became unsteady as I remembered the next part. "I- I lost control again, Armin. I couldn't stop myself, I got on top of him somehow and I would've..."

Armin looked incredibly worried. Since I had found Mikasa, sometimes I would fall back into the same mindset I'd had when I killed her kidnappers. It was usually when I got into fights, (I wasn't always easy to get along with, and despite how well I could control myself around Levi, for some reason I couldn't do that with anyone else. I had some major anger issues.) and after my opponent got in a good hit, it was like a switch flipped in my head. I went from seething mad to merrily blood thirsty. I'd find myself on top of them, unrelenting while I giggled and inflicted as much pain as I could.

Armin and Mikasa made a habit of not leaving me alone while I was at school so that one of them would be able to pull me out of my craze. Anyone else that got close would just get hurt. Fortunately, it's never reached the point where I've sent someone to the hospital, but that's because Mikasa and/or Armin have always been there to stop me. I

t was a miracle that they didn't think of me as a monster, because I sure did. I desperately tried to control my temper around people so that this wouldn't happen, but sometimes it couldn't be helped.

"Eren, it's ok. Whatever you did, I'm sure that it was just self defense. I'm not gonna let him or any of his buddies get near you again, alright?"

I realized that I'd began silently crying, more afraid of myself than my attacker. "But it wasn't just self defense, Armin! I enjoyed it. I would've killed him if he hadn't managed to throw me off of him." The last part came out strangled as I tried to hold back a sob. I really didn't want to hurt anyone.

This time it was Armin who pulled me into an embrace, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and brushing his fingers through my hair. I sobbed as silently as I could into his shoulder.

I composed myself as quickly as I could, pulling away from Armin and wiping my eyes. Armin straightened and put the car into reverse. As we pulled out of the driveway, I looked up at Levi's house just in time to see Levi turn away from the living room window, undoubtedly having seen Armin and I's little moment.

I felt bad; he most likely didn't believe me when I said that there was nothing going on between us. Most people didn't.

"Let's get this over with." I sighed, bottling my fear of what I might find waiting for me when I arrived.

 

 

 

 

**Levi'sPOV**

 

_I was so angry_. And I hated myself for it, because really, what claim did I have over Eren? We barely knew each other, and he was just my tutor. He only hung around me because he has to.

I was just some kid, two years younger than him, that was fun to play with. That's what he was doing, right? Playing with my emotions, trying to get under my skin and past my walls just because it was fun. Prove that the known heartless asshole really did have a heart, and then crush it.

I hated Eren, I hated that Armin kid, and I hated myself for letting someone fool me so easily. Still, I couldn't completely stop myself from doubting it. I couldn't bring myself to fully believe that Eren would just toy with me like that.

I had to admit, I really liked him, and I couldn't help but worry about him. The last time he visited his house, he came back bloody.

I went back to cleaning, which was my only solace from my constant swirl of emotions. Very few people knew how much I cleaned, because I wasn't the typical clean freak. Most people are afraid of germs and viruses, wearing gloves to keep from touching other people's filth. That's not what bothered me. In public, I was fine. I could deal with a little filth, even though it may bother me a bit.

I cleaned because I couldn't stand myself. I was dirty, like a rag that had been used way too many times. No matter how much I scrubbed away at my skin, it never went away. Everything I touched was contaminated, and I hated it. I didn't want people to see what a mess I was, so I washed, sanitized, and wiped away any trace that I might leave behind.

When I didn't follow this ritual, that's when the real panic began to set in. I was afraid that one scratch or stain might give away my inner turmoil. They'd know the truth: I wasn't worth the trouble I caused everyone else.

If I didn't clean on a regular basis, it felt like I was wallowing in my own filth; it was disgusting. I couldn't rest until my house reflected what I was not: well put together and spotless.

I scrubbed down the floors with a vengeance, trying to loose myself in the effort. For short periods of time, it worked. But my thoughts would always find Eren again; he'd seen what a mess I really was. He'd seen that scuff on the floor and he was probably disgusted. No doubt he knew that I was toxic.

In my experience, the only way to fight one toxic substance was with another, so I went to grab the bottle of bleach.

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

Armin and I checked the whole house; there was no one else here.

When we both met back at my room, I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, and collapsed into Armin's arms. He held me tight before pushing me towards my dresser.

"We came here for a reason, Eren."

I groaned, suddenly exhausted, and flopped onto my bed. "I'm tired. I didn't sleep well last night."

Levi and I had cramped ourselves onto his small couch; pair that with the pain in my leg every time I moved it, and you can see why sleeping wasn't exactly easy last night.

"Eren," Armin scolded, but i just turned my back to him and curled up in a ball, pulling the blanket up to show that he was welcome to join me.

I heard Armin sigh, but he complied, crawling into bed beside me and wrapping us both with the blanket. He fit his body around mine, finding a position that was comfortable. I leaned back into him, hating that I now felt guilty for being so close to Armin. Levi probably hated me. It probably looked like I'd just been playing with his emotions.

Armin always knew how to comfort me though, so I let him spoon me and pet my hair as I drifted off to sleep.

***

A few hours later, I awoke to some rustling near by. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up. I wasn't surprised to find Armin in front of my dresser with a suitcase, already halfway full.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked groggily.

"About an hour and a half. I decided that one of us might as well be productive, and you looked really tired. And cute."

"Levi says I'm cute, too." I said angrily. "I'm not."

"Oh, you are." Armin laughed.

I got up and pushed him out of the way so that I could finish the job. I was done quickly, so we headed back to Levi's house.

***

"Thanks for everything, Armin" I said as I climbed out the car. He smiled and shook his head, indicating that it wasn't a problem.

I went around and grabbed my suitcase from the trunk, and then he drove off.

When I opened the door, I noted that the house still smelled strongly of bleach. It was probably a health hazard, and I reminded myself to go around and open all the windows after I found Levi. I needed to clear things up with him.

"Levi?" I called out, but no one answered.

I dropped my suitcase by the door and went to search for him. I didn't have to look hard; I found him in the kitchen. I took in the scene in front of me; something was definitely wrong.

Levi was sitting in front of the little scuff on the floor, a bottle of bleach beside him. He was holding a soaked cloth to his arm, and the bleach smell was really strong.

I ran over to him and pried his hand away from his arm; the beginnings of a chemical burn forming on the his beautiful porcelain skin. Levi just looked up at me with a blank look, no emotion registering on his face.

"Levi, what are the hell are you-" I didn't finish because Levi took the cloth and quickly pressed it to another part of his arm.

I snatched the cloth from him and threw it into the sink before bending down once again and hoisting him up. His hand was even worse than his arm, and I quickly pulled him towards the sink. He was weak and unbalanced, but it didn't look like he'd been in contact with the bleach for too long.

I rinsed the bleach off of his welts, noticing that his hand was starting to blister slightly. Levi hissed as the water ran over his hand, but didn't do anything else.

After I was sure that I'd ridden the bleach from his skin, I picked him up. He was too out of it to move quickly, and I didn't have the patience to try and snap him out of it. He was surprisingly light.

It was quite the feat with my leg in the condition it was in, but I carried him to the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet. I was panting and in quite a bit of pain as I pulled out the first aid kit.

My mind registered the fact that we'd switched positions; now I was taking care of his wounds. I didn't dwell on the thought though, swatting it away so I could concentrate on gently dressing his burns.

 

When I was younger, I'd somehow gotten ahold of a bottle of bleach that my mom used for the laundry. She'd left it open after pouring some into a load of whites, and she'd turned her back on me to move on to some other task that needed doing.

I was curious as to what it was, and knocked over the bottle to see what was inside. A bit spilled on my hand, and after a few moments, I started screaming.

My mom rushed in and completely panicked, pulling me away from the spill to wash me off. She called Poison Control, convinced that I was going to die or something. Luckily, my burns weren't that bad, and all they had to do was bandage my hand and tell my mom to make sure that I stayed away from the bleach from now on. My mom nodded, her eyes red.

That wasn't too long before she died.

 

Seeing Levi's burns, I could tell they weren't critical. I put away the first aid kit after bandaging him up and left him there with that emotionless look on his face. I went back to the kitchen and cleaned up the splashes of bleach he'd gotten on the floor. I put the cap back on the bottle and looked around for a place to hide it. I knew if I threw it out, he'd definitely freak, so I settled on placing it behind a bush just beside his front door.

When I found Levi in the bathroom afterwards, it looked like he'd snapped out of his stupor. He glared up at me with the coldest glare I'd seen him make, which only managed to piss me off.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I spat at him.

"Me? What about you?! How about you stop playing with my emotions and go live with your boyfriend!"

"He's not my boyfriend! I'm sorry that we're a bit closer than most, but I wouldn't have kissed you if I had feelings for him."

"I'm supposed to believe that?"

"It's the truth. Now why don't you explain what you were trying to do to yourself?"

"I don't have to explain anything to you." Levi snarked.

I clenched my fists. "Do you understand how worried I was? If I hadn't shown up when I did, you could've done some permanent damage. It could've been a lot worse!"

"I'm fine." Levi said flatly.

"You're not fine! I was this close to calling Poison Control!"

"Stop pretending that you care about me."

I grabbed his hair and pulled his head up so that he was looking directly into my tear filled eyes. "I'm not pretending!"

Levi looked away, biting his bottom lip. "Yes you are."

"Why would I pretend? If I was pretending, I would've left you there on the kitchen floor."

Levi's eyes filled with tears, but he blinked them away.

"Now, Levi, I want you to tell me what you were trying to do."

"No. Fuck off."

I pulled his hair so that he'd look at me again. "Levi."

"I'm sorry, okay?! I know that you don't actually want to be around me, so you can stop acting. I know I'm a horrible person. I'm filthy. I'm filthy, and you don't have to sit here and pretend that you care, because I know that no one wants to be around someone as toxic as me." He said all that without a waver in his voice, pure venom spilling from his mouth. He believed what he said, which was the worst part.

I let go of him, stepping back in shock. I snapped out of it quickly, scowling and crouching down so that I was level with him. "Is that what this is about? You're trying to burn the filth off of you?"

Levi glared back at me.

"Do want to know why that'll never work, Levi? Because you're not dirty. You're perfect, at least to me."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what I've done."

"Listen, if you're referring to Principle Erwin," Levi gave me a surprised look. "I kind of... Saw you two walking into his car once. You obviously went through great lengths to hide whatever you two were doing, because the car was parked a ways away from the school grounds. I just happened to be walking that way to get to Armin's; it's a shortcut."

Levi looked angry and flabbergasted at the same time. He opened his mouth to speak; perhaps to deny what I was saying, but I cut him off.

"He had his hand on your ass, Levi. I didn't say anything to anyone though; it was your business. Afterwards, I started noticing how defeated and guilty you looked when you left his office. You hid it well though, with your sarcastic remarks and cruel smirks. But then, you stopped going to Erwin's office, and when I passed you in the halls, your eyes looked dead. If I had to guess, I'd say that Erwin hurt you in some way.

"I never knew your name, and I never thought to go up and talk to you about it. You're not exactly an approachable person. I dismissed you from my mind, too wrapped up in my own problems to care. I forgot about you, Levi, and I'm sorry."

Levi's mouth had fallen open in shock, telling me that I'd been right on the money with my assumptions.

"I... I think I really like you Levi, regardless of whether or not you think you're worthy. I don't see you as dirty. Please don't hurt yourself anymore, ok?"

Levi's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets. Maybe I shouldn't be surprising him so much in his delicate state. I was hoping that maybe he'd open up to me a bit, but he was Levi, after all.

He stood up and walked right out of the bathroom. I got up to follow him, but he slammed the door in my face.

I heard him say, "You're lying."

By the time I managed to open the door, he was halfway down the hallway. I started after him, but he turned abruptly into one of the rooms and slammed the door on that one too. I heard a lock click into place.

I sighed, lowering myself so that I was sitting with my back against the door. "Open the door, Levi, please."

_No answer._

"Levi, I'm telling you the truth."

_Nothing._

"I'll do whatever you want."

_Nope._

"What will it take to get you to trust me? Do you want me to tell you my life story? Because I will. And you'll have to sit there while I drone on and on about my shitty life."

_Still no answer_.

"I'm sorry that I know something that you probably don't want me to know. I'll tell you some of my dark secrets, if you want."

I heard the sound of something sliding against the door, and it pushed back against my back a tiny bit. Levi was sitting on the other side, leaning against the door as well. I took that as encouragement to go on, so I did.

I told him about how I killed my mother, how I knew everyone blamed me. I told him how my father hit me and told me it was my fault, and how he left me and Mikasa alone.

I told him how Mikasa was kidnapped, and my psychotic episode.

I paused before telling him about how I murdered two people, stabbing them over and over again with my knife. I told him, albeit very quietly, that I liked it.

I told him that sometimes I couldn't control myself no matter how hard I tried, and what happened when I went home last night.

And then we sat there in silence, with the door separating us. I closed my eyes, praying that he'd let me in, in both the literal and figurative ways. I opened them when I heard the click of the lock, and let out a breath of relief.

I jumped to my feet and pushed the door open, finding Levi standing on the other side.

"I'll accept your shitty past if you accept mine." I offered.

Levi's blank look didn't change, but he pulled on my sleeve, bringing me into a hug. Today was just full of those.

I hugged him back tightly, and then I felt him pull on my sleeve again; this time pulling me towards the bed that I guessed was his. We fell into the plush mattress, emotional exhaustion overtaking us.

We bundled the blanket around us, and Levi pressed his butt against me. I wrapped myself around him and placed my hand on his hip, rubbing small circles on his skin. I heard his breathing even out, and soon I succumbed to slumber as well, feeling a weight being lifted from my chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't even know. just... nope.


	6. So What's Wrong With Takin' The Back Streets?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A swift kick to the head should fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write something cute, and then I have to go and ruin it.

**Levi's POV**

Eren and I fell into a sort of rhythm, without any further altercations. We woke up and Eren drove us to school, I dealt with Hanji while I tried not to get jealous every time I saw Eren with Armin, (but seriously, the amount of times I saw them hugging or with their arms around each other, I don't see how someone could not think they were together.) and then we'd head home together.

Eren still tutored me three days a week, and the other days were spent watching movies or baking. No matter how much I protested and called Eren a sissy, he insisted that we bake together. He absolutely loved it. He started out with simple things, teaching me how to make chewy chocolate chip cookies and the like, but gradually he introduced harder confections. We often had to make drives over to his house to get baking supplies. He got frustrated every time I said I didn't have something that he said was a 'necessity', like soufflé dishes. (I found myself rolling my eyes quite a lot.)

I usually spent most of the time complaining; I'd never admit that it was kinda fun. Sometimes when I was being extra stubborn just for the fun of it, Eren would come up behind me and do the whole 'here, let me show you thing', grabbing my hands and leading me through the motions while whispering the simplest instructions in my ear. Most of the time, we both ended up bursting out in fits of laughter; it was way too cheesy.

At the end of the day, after we'd cooked dinner together and thoroughly cleaned the house, we'd collapse into my bed.

I'd offered him his own room after we'd slept together the first time, and Eren agreed to take the guest room down the hall. He brought his things over and that was it.

That night though, after we'd both said goodnight, Eren knocked on my door about an hour later. He opened it without waiting for an answer, whispering, "Levi? Are you asleep?"

"Yes. Fuck off."

"You say that a lot, you know."

"What do you want, Jaeger? You're being a brat."

Eren scowled at the word. "A brat, huh?"

Just like that, he rearranged his face into one of a scared kid. He crawled into bed beside me and wrapped his arms around me. "But Leeevi," he complained, "It's so scary in that room all by myself. I thought I heard something." His voice was childish, but held hints of of something else. Was he actually scared?

I just gave him an annoyed look. "I thought you were supposed to be the mature, responsible one."

Eren smiled sweetly. "Nope. You're enough of a kill joy for the both of us."

I swatted him away and turned my back to him, uttering a strict "Goodnight."

"Does that mean I can stay, daddy?" Eren asked in a whiny, yet provocative voice.

My eyes shot open. "What the hell, Eren?"

He laughed. "I love it when you actually call me Eren."

I groaned. "Go away."

"No, I think like it here." Eren purred, crawling under the sheets and snuggling beside me. I gave up on trying to deter him, letting him caress my hip as I gradually fell into the clutches of unconsciousness.

Before I completely drifted off though, I whispered, "Eren? Why are you really here?"

Eren took a long time, thinking, but in the end he just sighed and answered, "It's my fault that you were in that state of mind, and I'll do anything to keep it from happening again. I couldn't sleep, I feel so guilty. I just wanted to make sure you were ok." I didn't have the energy to answer, my mind was already being swallowed by my exhaustion.

After that, I didn't question it when he skipped going to his room all together and came straight to mine every night. Despite the fact that we slept in the same bed, our relationship didn't go much further than that. We remained in a tentative in-between state, not wanting to push too far after all that had happened. We kept going like this for a good two weeks, although Eren's constant flirting, even at school, made it clear to everyone that there was something going on between us.

***

I walked out of French class with Hanji. My marks were significantly higher now that Eren made me do the work. My teacher was always commenting on it, saying how she was brilliant to have come up with the idea of getting me a tutor. It always pissed me off, but then again, just hearing her voice put me in a bad mood.

I was silently brooding as Hanji went on about some kind of experiment she'd been doing, not really paying attention, when I felt a hand on the small of my back.

"Hey cutie." Eren whispered, nibbling my earlobe, before brushing past me like nothing happened.

I just stood there and stared after him.

"Everything alright, Levi?" Hanji asked, clearly trying to hold back a laugh.

I scowled and resumed walking. "Yeah, let's go."

***

Later, I was a little ways away from the school, sitting at my little bench. A cigarette was hanging from my mouth as I calmly enjoyed the peace around me. The only sounds were the shushes of leaves and the cheery songs of the birds. I sat back and relaxed, closing my eyes.

Much to my dismay, the serenity was interrupted when my cigarette was snatched from my mouth and I opened my eyes to find Eren's smiling face in front of me. He took a drag from the smoke before blowing it right back in my face.

"That was mine." I said through clenched teeth.

"Really?" Eren asked sarcastically. "Well now it's mine."

"That was my last one. I need it."

"Oh?" Eren inhaled again, leaning down to tap on my chin, indicating that I should open my mouth. I complied, confusion evident on my face. He pressed his lips to mine, exhaling the smoke into my mouth.

I greedily breathed it in; it was strangely thrilling. I was left slightly light headed when Eren pulled away; whether it was from the cigarette or from Eren, I didn't know. Eren must've seen the wistful look on my face because he grinned proudly; his white teeth practically sparkled.

I snapped out of it right away, coaxing my face back into a scowl. "How long are you going to keep doing this?" I snarled.

"Doing what?" Eren asked innocently.

"You know what." I barked impatiently.

"I just want to make sure everyone knows you're mine. I can't have anyone swooping down to pick you up while I'm not around."

"And if I don't want you?"

Eren gave me a look of mock anguish, like I'd just ripped his heart out and thrown it on the ground. If it weren't for the coy look in his eyes, I would've felt bad.

He stepped behind me from where I sat on the bench, lightly biting and sucking at my neck. I desperately tried to snuff the moan that was working it's way to my lips, but it escaped anyways.

"You don't want me?" Eren asked, still pretending to be devastated by my words and running his fingers through my hair. His warm breath on my sensitive ears made me squirm, and I got to my feet.

"We should probably get back to class." It took all my effort to keep my voice level.

"Alright." Eren smiled and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the school like nothing had happened.

***

"You smell like teenage hormones." Mike, one of Hanji's friends, remarked. We were sitting at our desks, side by side, in English class.

"I am a teenager." I replied flatly.

"Hanji keeps talking about you and Eren."

"What does she say?"

"She says you're the happiest she's ever seen you when he's around."

"She's lying."

"You haven't sworn once since I started talking to you. It's a sign."

"Fuck off." Just then, the teacher walked in, silencing us both.

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

I don't know when it started, but I found myself thinking of Levi much more often than I'd like. I'd catch myself seeking him out, making sure he was ok (Did he look any more depressed than usual? Was hurting himself a habit? Does he need a hug?), and then it evolved into something more, but I can't say I wasn't having fun.

I just couldn't help myself around Levi. When I was sure I wouldn't scare him away, I began teasing him. In a loving way, of course.

Every time I surprised him, I got this immense feeling of pride and joy. It was better than any drug. Any reaction I could coax out of him was worth the distasteful names he called me. Every time I passed him in the halls at school, I had this overwhelming urge to just pounce on him and subject him to some sort of sexual torture, no matter who was watching. I managed to keep a hold on my self control, though, settling for fleeting touches and teasing remarks.

I was very careful not to go too far. Even though he always acted as though he was pissed off, I'd been around him enough to sense the queues indicating what he was actually feeling. If he started to get too uncomfortable, or overly enraged, I'd back down, sometimes even apologizing. I didn't want to set him off.

I always made sure that I knew where he was. I told myself it was stupid, but I would find myself growing more and more uneasy if I hadn't seen him in a while, whether it was in the halls or in the cafeteria. I'd walk around the school casually, checking the washrooms and all his classrooms. One day, I had the genius idea of looking outside, and I could've kicked myself, because there he was, not far off, sitting on a bench with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. All that time searching, and he was here the whole fucking time.

Through all this, I just couldn't shake the feeling that one day he'd disappear, and I wouldn't be able to find him. Not alive, anyways.

I kept this feeling bottled and well hidden.

***

Today just wasn't meant to be a good one. When Levi and I met at the front doors after school so that I could drive us home, I instantly sensed his foul mood. I didn't say anything, deciding that silence was the best option.

Levi brooded the whole way home, and went straight to cleaning when we arrived. Since the incident, I'd gone out and picked up some more user friendly cleaning products that Levi could use as an alternative to the bleach that was still hidden away in the bush outside. Levi didn't argue with me about it, simply accepting the new products and getting to work.

Today, though, Levi rummaged through the cupboard under the sink that held all his cleaning supplies, becoming increasingly frantic. He obviously didn't find what he was looking for and stood up, turning on me. "Where's my bleach, dipshit?"

"I hid it." I replied cautiously.

"Well I need it, so go fucking get it."

"Levi, you know I can't do that."

"Why fucking not?"

"Because I don't want to see you hurt yourself again! It would be all my fault if something were to happen to you. I'm so sorry, Levi, but I just can't."

Levi wasn't having it. He slammed his fist against the kitchen counter and began yelling, voice laced with malice. "What makes you think you have any say in this, jackass? I'm not going to kill myself or whatever. I know how _inconvenient_ that would be for you. This is my fucking house and I need my fucking bleach because I haven't used it in over two god damn weeks! It's fucking disgusting in here!"

"Levi, listen to me. It's perfectly clean in here. You clean every day. It's fine. You're fine."

"Stop lecturing me like you know what you're talking about and just leave!" He stopped to take a deep breathe, and then in a much lower, but undeniably venomous voice, he continued, "Get me my bleach or get out. I really don't need you here. Go fuck around with Armin or something."

As if someone had dropped a match into a fire pit filled with gasoline soaked wood, I was instantly lit with fury. My patience had officially snapped. All I wanted was to help him, and not once had he accepted it without a fight. He was eternally ungrateful. "Stop spewing bullshit from your crap hole and tell me what's wrong!"

"You're the one that needs to stop."

"Is it really that hard to believe that I care about you, Levi? I'm doing this for a reason so stop fighting me about it!"

"Why can't you see that I don't want your pity! I'm fine!"

"You're anything but fine, asshole. You're fucked up, and I'm just trying to help!" I knew I'd gone too far as soon as I'd said it. Levi didn't need insults, he needed support.

"I'm fucked up? Really? At least I don't kill people and like it!"

I stared at him with wide eyes. He did not just go there. I tried to stop the word vomit from leaving my mouth, I really did. "Atleast I didn't whore myself to the fucking principle."

Levi completely lost it, lunging at me and tackling me to the ground. He managed to land a few punches, although I blocked most of them. One landed right on my nose, and suddenly I saw everything from a different perspective. I stopped blocking, just sat there snickering condescendingly as he swung his fists, no longer feeling the pain.

Levi's hits petered out, loosing force, when he realized that I was enjoying it.

"What's wrong Levi, baby? You can do better than that." I sneered.

He got off of me and backed away. "E-Eren..."

"Oh? Are you done? I guess it's my turn then."

Levi's back reached the counter, and he looked toward the sliding door, ready to make a getaway.

"Don't even try, sweetheart, you won't get far." I stood slowly, taking a predatory stance.

Levi glared at me. "Eren, Stop it. You need to snap out of it."

"Are you saying that you can't accept who I am? That's not very fair, love. I mean, look at what I have to put up with" I raked my eyes over him with my pointed gaze.

Levi made a move towards the door, but I was quicker, snapping forward and stopping him by wrapping an arm around his middle. I harshly pulled him close, hissing into his ear, "Sunshine, you're in a lot of trouble. I'm gonna make you scream."

Levi struggled, but my grip was strong. I bit down on his shoulder, lightly at first, but then hard enough to taste blood.

He cried out. "Eren, stop!" He sounded close to tears.

I smiled. That was good.

_'Or is it?'_ whispered an annoying voice inside my head.

I froze, something nagging at the back of my mind, but I couldn't place it. Was this really what I wanted?

Levi noticed my hesitation and took advantage of it, turning roughly out of my grasp. He put his hand to my throat and slid his leg behind mine, pushing me backwards so that I lost my balance and fell flat on my back. He kicked me in the stomach and then once in the face. I didn't resist, too busy fighting a battle in my head.

He moved away from me, bo longer sensing any animosity, confusion evident on his features.

I pushed myself up and sat crosslegged, staring at the ground with my brow furrowed. I bit at my thumb, trying to sort out my muddled thoughts. I wanted this. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to see everyone in the same pain that I've been in. Or worse.

I squeezed my eyes shut, a few tears falling from them. I could still sense Levi close by and didn't understand why he hadn't made a run for it.

"I really want to hurt you." I said quietly, my voice unsteady. I was shaking with the urge to tackle and ruin the boy in front of me, but I couldn't move.

He didn't answer me, so I opened my eyes and glared at him. "

Why can't I hurt you?!" I screamed, and then something in me snapped and I was sobbing, begging him to forgive me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry."

Levi looked conflicted. "I think you should leave, Eren."

I covered my ears and shook my head, staring up at him with desperate eyes. "No, please, I'm so sorry."

"Eren, I can't-" He didn't finish, just stood there and stared at me with flat eyes.

I removed my hands from my ears and bit down harder on my thumb, nodding. I was thankful that my leg was mostly healed so that I could drive.

I stood and walked out the door, Levi making no move to stop me.

***

Armin opened the door and took in my disheveled appearance, my tear streaked face and bloodshot eyes. I was still knawing on my thumb, I couldn't stop.

Armin had look of worry plastered on his face as he took my slightly bloody hand away from my face, pulling me inside. He led me up to his room and then turned around and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't return the gesture, just stood there, completely disgusted with myself. I'd been doing so well, and I'd just gone and ruined it all.

"What happened, Eren? You're face is all bruised up." Armin murmured soothingly.

"I-I shifted. I turned on Levi, Armin!"

"Shh, it's okay."

"It really isn't. You should've seen how violated he looked."

"What did you do?"

"I said some really condescending things. It was probably sexual harassment. And I bit him so hard that he bled before he kicked me to the floor and I snapped out of it."

"Oh Eren," he tutted. "Now, I'm not condoning your actions, because you really need to learn to get a handle on your temper, and I can help you, if you want. We'll find a way. But just listen. You shouldn't beat yourself up too much. You barely put a scratch on him, which is a big improvement. You stopped without encouragement from me or Mikasa, and that's a small victory in and of itself. Talk to him, and maybe he'll forgive you."

"I don't want him to forgive me! I'll just end up hurting him even more. And what would that mean for him? If his self esteem is really so low that he'd let me back into his life after I'd almost fucking raped him, I don't want to go back. I'm not good for him, regardless of if he thinks so or not."

"Eren, you can't say that. I know you, and I know you love him even if you haven't admitted it yet. Look at me and Mikasa, you've never hurt us. You won't hurt him. And if he takes you back, you're just gonna have to try even harder to show him that you're worth it."

I decided not to protest. I trusted Armin, and even though I was skeptical, I knew he wouldn't lie to me just to make me feel better. That was the most comforting thing about him; he always told me the truth. I finally returned the embrace, snuggling my head into his shoulder and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I love you so much Armin. I don't know what I would do without you."

"I love you too Eren. I really do." Armin pulled me toward the bed. I let go of him, tugging off my long sleeve shirt before climbing into bed. My head rested on his chest and I draped my leg over his. He wrapped his arms around me, and I couldn't help but feel safe, my worries fading slightly.

For the first time in a really long time, I found myself wondering if our relationship really was strictly platonic. Even more worrisome: if I did end up officially dating Levi, or anybody else, would this have to stop?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooOOOooOOo so much angst.


	7. You'll Never Know If You Don't Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makeshift runway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cackles maniacally*

**Eren's POV**

 

I woke up to a hard tap on my forehead and opened my eyes, whining when the bright light made me shut them again.

"Come on Eren, we've gotta get to school." Armin pulled away from me and stepped out of the bed. I mourned the warmth he gave off.

"Ugh, go without me."

Armin tsked, shaking his head. "You really should go. You have to confront Levi at some point, and it's best not to let things simmer."

I groaned but got out of bed, pulling my shirt back on and straightening my jeans. "I hate you." I muttered.

"Believe what you want." Armin said as he pulled his shirt over his head and replaced it with a fresh one, rolling it over his toned stomach.

"Mm, Armin, have I ever told you that you're really attractive? Why don't you have a boyfriend?" I asked him teasingly as I stretched, pushing my arms up over my head and extending my back.

"The requests keep coming but none of them match up to my high standards." Armin joked.

"You must be killing them. It's cruel, how you make them suffer through your heartless rejections."

Armin dropped the silly banter and adopted a more serious, bashfull tone. "You know.. Actually, Jean asked me if I wanted to see a movie yesterday."

I choked on my own spit. "Jean?!"

"Yup"

"Well? Did you say yes?"

"I told him I'd get back to him."

"Well, you know how I feel about him."

Armin laughed. "Is that supposed to help my decision? I know that you two have an irrational hatred for eachother-"

"He's a complete douche!"

"No, you're just really stubborn and hard to get along with. I'm surprised your relationship lasted as long as it did."

"It was the sex." I said in a matter of fact sort of way, shrugging my shoulders.

"If the reviews are that good, maybe I should try it out." Armin wiggled his eyebrows.

"Go ahead. Just don't come crawling back to me when he drives you absolutely insane with his massive ego." I flushed away the irrational possessiveness I felt over Armin; he wasn't mine to keep.

Armin laughed a long, hearty laugh. "We should probably get going."

"'Kay."

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I rolled over in bed, slightly confused when I didn't feel a certain warm body pressed against mine. The memories of last night came flooding back, and I covered my head with my pillow, not ready to face reality yet.

Last night had been the most terrifying experience in my life. I can more than handle myself in a fight, but because it was Eren, I wasn't as ruthless as I usually am. I tried to reason with him and I even tried to get away without any further violence. Of course, it didn't work.

He'd never been that rough with me before, and I didn't know he had that much brute strength in him. Still, I was surprised that I got off with just a bite mark on my shoulder. From what Eren told me, he was usually uncontrollably blood thirsty when he was in that state. He fucking killed two people without batting an eyelash, after having not slept nor eaten for days. I do remember him saying that he could manage to snap out of it with the help of Armin and Mikasa, and it made me wonder if he cared enough for me that I could be put in that group as well.

I didn't know if I could trust Eren after that experience; I knew that if I ever raised a threatening finger towards him again, I wouldn't be able to shake the fear of what he was capable of. But really, I shouldn't be hitting him at all, and I felt incredibly ashamed. He never retaliated when I hit him, and even after he lost control, he hadn't done any real damage. It made me wonder who the one with the uncontrollable anger issues really was.

***

When I reached my locker, I saw the corner of a piece of paper sticking out from the top of the door, and it fell to the floor when I opened the locker. I picked it up and unfolded the note.

It read simply, " _Roof_?"

I sighed, not sure if I was ready to face Eren just yet. Then again, it was better than suffering through French class (Everyone's accents were absolutely horrible) so I made my way up to the third floor. As I'd expected, the door to the roof was unlocked and I walked through. I found Eren sitting in the same spot as last time, eyes closed and silently exhaling a lungfull of smoke.

I'd skipped my first period class this morning, choosing to go back to sleep for a bit. It was already almost halfway through second period, and from the looks of it, Eren had been up here since before classes started, chain smoking. Cigarette butts littered the ground surrounding him.

I leaned down and plucked his current smoke from his fingers just as he'd done to me. Eren opened his eyes, slightly surprised.

"I think you've had enough for today." I said, giving a pointed look at the evidence around him.

"Jesus, you can be quiet when you want to. I didn't hear you come up at all. I was starting to think that you weren't even going to show up." I took a drag from his cigarette and sat down beside him, not answering. We sat in silence for a bit, Eren clearly searching for the right words.

"How's your shoulder?" He asked, more than a hint of regret in his voice.

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt at all."

"Are you sure?"

"No. I'm dying." I replied sarcastically.

Eren let out a shaky laugh, but stopped abruptly. "I'm so sorry"

"I know."

"I know you probably won't forgive me right away-I don't want you to- but would you let me at least try to make it up to you?"

"You really don't need to do anything."

"I do. I feel so incredibly guilty and I can't handle it, Levi, I can't. I'm so angry at myself for not being able to control myself. It's eating me alive. And crossed a line that I never should have crossed when I said those awful things. I don't even have an excuse. I just-" His voice was shaky, and he didn't continue, choking back an anguished sob.

I scooted closer, closing the small distance between us. "I forgive you, Eren, please don't beat yourself up over it. I beat you up enough as it is." It was my turn to be guilty, but Eren just waved a hand, dismissing my remark.

"I deserve it."

"You don't."

"Agree to disagree?" Eren prodded with a slight smile.

"God, you really are twelve." The foul mood had passed.

Eren leaned in to me and rested his head on mine. I relaxed into him, positioning my head on his shoulder. We remained there for the rest of our morning classes, relishing in the calm after the storm.

***

"Oh look! There's a sale on apples!" Eren started toward the stand excitedly.

"So?"

"Come on, Levi. All the best desserts have apples in them. So many possibilities..." Eren's eyes glazed over as he had some kind of fantasy about all the apply treats he could make.

"Only you would get a hard-on just thinking about baking."

"Shut up." Eren mumbled, snapping out of his day dream.

We were at the grocery store picking up supplies to feed Eren's baking addiction. It had been a week since our fight, and things were going well enough. We got into arguments a lot, but it was nothing we couldn't handle. We both naturally clashed with our proud and dominant personalities.

Eren picked through the apples and chose several large ones. "Mmm, I know what we'll make!"

He walked through the rest of the aisles with a bit more pep in his step as he searched, picking out ingredients here and there. Butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, instant oatmeal. I was clueless as to what he was planning.

Back at the house, Eren and I put away all the groceries, Eren humming happily as he did the task. I didn't know the thought of apples and cinnamon could make someone so giddy, but then again, Eren was easily excitable. (Because he was permanently twelve years old. This was a proven fact.)

I washed all the apples thoroughly, handing them to Eren so that he could slice them. He didn't have a recipe, just going off what he remembered, I guess. The apples went into a greased pie dish after being coated in sugar and cinnamon. We topped it with a mixture of butter, oatmeal, flour, and brown sugar before sticking it in the oven.

Eren called the creation Apple Crisp. "My mom taught me how to make it." He'd told me. "It's super easy to make, you really can't go wrong, so we made it a lot. She loved to bake with apples; they had just the right amount of sweet and tartness." He smiled a sad smile, reminiscing.

"With all the build up, this better taste fucking amazing." was all I said.

We settled on the couch to watch America's Next Top Model, despite my complaints. I didn't understand why he liked the show so much, but he was totally gay, so I guess it made sense.

He gave commentary as the show progressed, saying which girls he was rooting for and which ones he didn't like. At one point, he stood up to prove that even he could 'walk better than that train wreck'

He pushed the coffee table out of the way with his foot to make a nice runway, and then straightened, pushing his shoulders back and tilting his chin up slightly. He walked forward confidently, and even though I should've been teasing him, I was completely captivated in the slight shimmy of his hips and the sure way that he held himself. Eren turned, looking me in the eyes as if I was the only thing in the room, and posed. He cocked his hip, placing a hand on his right side, and brought his left hand up to push his hair back from his face.

He smirked, knowing he had me totally enraptured.

The oven beeped its insistent alarm, telling us that our masterpiece was ready, and the spell was broken. Eren delightedly pulled me up and ran into the kitchen, pulling on oven mitts and removing the pie dish from the oven. He did a little spin as he made his way to the freezer, pulling out the vanilla ice cream that he insisted we buy.

Eren made up two bowls and then handed one to me, a goofy grin plastered on his face. We returned to the couch and Eren snuggled up close to me. He inhaled the scent of the baked apples, and I watched his face fall slightly. Tears formed in his eyes, but he blinked them away and whispered with a resigned sigh, "I miss her."

I flicked him in the forehead. "You can't get all sad on me now. Eat your apple shit." I leaned in closer to him, though, offering my silent comfort.

I took a bite of my apple-whatever, and I was surprised to find that it tasted so good. It was such a simple recipe, but it was probably my favourite confection we'd put together so far. Sweet, but with just enough tartness from the apples to balance it out.

Eren had been watching my reaction, and it must've shown at least a fragment of what I was thinking because he had a sloppy grin on his face.

I scooped up a bite sized amount onto my spoon and shoved it into his mouth. "Stop smiling at me like you've just introduced me to the internet for the first time." I grumbled.

Eren chewed happily, and we returned our attention back to the show. Eren continued his comments, and I even added a few of my own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

More often than not, Levi liked to show his affection in subtle ways. Once we had gotten back to a normal (instead of emotionally unstable to the point of not being able to function) state of mind and we weren't crying or fighting every five minutes, I didn't get to see as much of Levi's vulnerable side, but I saw something else.

He paid really close attention to what I liked, and then surprised me with his knowledge. He knew how to make my coffee exactly how I like it, and he'd show up when I was in the small study at the end of the hall - my bleary eyes staring down at my homework- with a steaming cup in his hands when I needed it most.

Sometimes, when I felt myself sinking into the recesses of my mind, not particularly happy thoughts weighing me down, I would feel a blanket wrap around my shoulders, and I'd turn to see Levi, who was able to see that I needed comfort without me even lifting a finger. He'd tap my forehead and shake his head, and then pull me towards the couch.

He rarely outwardly expressed that he cared about me, but it showed in the way that he always took special care in the things he did for me. Whenever he made his bed, he always made sure to put the comfiest, fluffiest pillow on my side. At school, I'd turn to see him eyeing anyone who even looked at me the wrong way, ready to pounce if they so much as lifted a finger against me.

I tried my best to be there for him too, pulling him into hugs when he was in a dark mood. Once he even admitted to me that his parents had never hugged him, ever, and I was actually the first to do so. After that, I hugged him at every chance I got, even though he would always shove me off of him.

I started joining him in his daily cleaning routine. At first, he wouldn't let me do much, only allowing me to straighten things and whatever, but eventually, he began to trust me a bit more, and now he let me shoulder almost half of the work. Despite what he said, I knew all the constant cleaning took it's toll on him, so I was glad he was finally letting me help.

***

"Leeeevi!" I called out. As soon as we'd gotten home, Levi had gone and hidden somewhere, sensing my good mood. Apparently he couldn't stand it when I got like this. He said I was insufferably peppy.

"Come on Levi, where'd you go?" I walked through the house, checking each room. The bedroom, the study, the kitchen, living room, bathroom: all empty. I stood in front of the only place left: my room. (Not that I really used it.)

I knocked. There was no answer, so I opened the door. There was Levi, curled up in the blanket, fast asleep.

I let out a quiet chuckle and entered the room, crawling up on the bed. I was careful not to jostle him as I position myself above his sleeping body. He looked so peacful, I couldn't help myself. I leaned down and lightly kissed his forehead, and then his nose. I kept going, placing a little peck on each of his delicate features. He stirred slightly, so I leaned in close and nibbled on his ear.

"Hey, sleeping beauty" I whispered.

"Hmm?" Levi was just starting to wake up, not fully aware of what was going on. God, he was so cute.

I brushed my lips against his, careful. Levi didn't have his guard up yet, still half asleep, and he pressed his lips back against mine and moaned. The kiss deepened, this time Levi putting up no fight and letting me take control.

I placed one of my knees between his legs, grinding it down on his growing erection. I reveled in every gasp and moan he made.

I broke the kiss, trailing kisses down his chin, his neck, lightly biting and sucking at his unmarred skin. I breathed in his wonderful scent and continued descending.

I pulled his shirt up and placed my mouth on his stomach, leading the kisses down to the waistband of his sweats. Levi thrust his hips upward as I brought a hand down to paw at his bulge. Quickly, before he could stop me, I hooked my fingers into his waistband and tugged his pants down along with his boxers.

Levi froze, but I kept going, slowly, tentatively, giving him time to stop me if I went to far.

I admired his length for a moment, appreciating it's size, before bringing my head down and kissing the tip. Levi squirmed as I pumped the base a few times, and then trailed my tongue up from the base to the tip. He whimpered, and I felt myself harden at his uncensored, unguarded expressions.

I took his head into my mouth, sucking and lapping up the beads of precum dripping out of his slit. I bobbed my head rythmically at a slow pace, taking more of him into my mouth each time. He writhed beneath me, and I couldn't help but wish that I hadn't surprised him like this sooner.

My eyes watered as he poked at the back of my throat, but I continued, cheeks hollowing as I sucked. He brought his hands to my hair, tugging and whining, and I was so turned on it was almost unbearable.

"E-Eren" Levi gasped out. I could feel him getting closer and closer to the breaking point, and I picked up the pace.

"Eren -ah!- I'm g-gonna c-" He spasmed and released into my mouth, whimpering out my name. I swallowed as much a could, a bit dripping down my chin.

I licked any come off of his dick before sitting up and looking him in the eyes. I wiped the rest from my chin and licked it off my fingers. Levi was in a state of bliss, puples dilated as he watched me with his undivided attention, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I flopped down beside him and pulled the covers up to envelope us both.

Levi was panting slightly. "What kind of way is that to wake someone up?"

"The best way." I stated cheerfully.

Levi just shook his head, smiling, before leaning over me and pressing his lips to mine. He trailed a hand down my chest and to the bulge in my own pants.

He pulled back and raised his eyebrows, a dangerous smile playing on his face. His hand slipped into my jeans, pawing my painfully hard member through my boxers. He undid my button and fly, and I sighed in relief at lack of constriction.

"L-Levi, what are you doing?" I gasped out as he pulled my erection from my boxers.

"Shh, I can't be the only one to have a little fun" His hand began pumping, smearing the precum from my tip with his thumb. I bit my lip and pressed my head into the pillow.

Levi leaned down for another kiss, his hand quickening. I groaned into his mouth, and this time he took complete dominance. I tried to fight back with my tongue, but he twisted his wrist and pulled, and I completely lost the ability to think coherent thoughts.

His hand moved quickly, and soon I was coming all over it, my hips jerking upwards and panting loudly. Levi kept pumping, letting me ride out my orgasm, before we relaxed limply back into the bed, exhausted. I used the soiled sheets to wipe up the sticky liquid on Levi and I, and then tossed them away.

We both fixed our pants, and then I wrapped my leg around him, pulling him close. We fell asleep like that, with our limbs tangled and our heads leaning against one another, relishing our shared warmth.

***

The next morning was a saturday, and I figured it would be a good day to get stuff done. I rolled over and kissed both of Levi's eyelids, smiling as they fluttered open. "I've got some things that need doing, so I'm gonna head out for a bit, okay?"

Levi just hummed in response and rolled over, facing away from me, going back to sleep. I didn't know how he could still sleep after he'd basically gone to bed as soon as he got home yesterday, but that was Levi. He was basically a cat.

After getting up, showering, and eating breakfast, I was out the door. As I backed out of the driveway, I contemplated what I should buy for Levi. I really wanted to get him something to say thank you for all he's done, and I still hadn't done anything to make it up to him after our big fight, though I fully intended on it. I just had no idea what to do for him.

_Maybe an idea would surface if I looked around the mall_ , I thought, so I turned the car in the direction of the nearest one and I was on my way.

When I reached the big shopping mall, it was still pretty early in the morning, so it wasn't overly populated yet. I steered my car into the big parkade, driving all the way to the top. It was my favourite place to park because it was so high up and there was always a good view. Also, the top was usually the least crowded level.

In my rearview mirror, I saw another car following me up to the top but thought nothing of it. I couldn't be the only one that preferred the upper levels.

Locking the vehical, I headed towards the stairwell in the corner of the parkade. Just as I was about to open the heavy door, something hard hit my head from behind, and then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of turned Eren into a version of myself. Oops.  
> Also, sorry.
> 
> Hey let's play a game called Guess What The Next Chapter Title Will Be! (I'll give you a hint, they're all lyrics from a song, and if you don't know this song, I feel bad for your childhood)


	8. You'll Never Shine If You Don't Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [click here if you want a great summary](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc8ztSy9iDo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a bit short, but I thought it was a good stopping point.
> 
> Shoutout to ThePumpkinQueen712 and 1storywriter for guessing the chapter title!!

**Levi's POV**

 

When I finally got up, I was disoriented. I wasn't in my room, and I was alone. I furrowed my eyebrows, until I remembered what we'd done last night. I felt my cheeks heat up slightly.

I realized that Eren never told me where he was going, so I pulled out my phone and texted him. I didn't want to admit that I was slightly worried, but I'd feel better if I knew where he was.

 

The day was uneventful. I got up and showered, but just changed back into a pair of sweats afterwards, in no mood to go out. I prepared breakfast and then sat infront of the tv, flipping mindlessly through the channels.

When I got bored, I pulled out my laptop and surfed the internet for a bit, checking my tumblr and stuff. The hours dragged on, and I realized how empty my life was without Eren. I don't know how I put up with my life before him, it was dreadfully boring.

8:00pm rolled around, and Eren still wasn't back. He'd been gone for more than twelve hours. I was in the kitchen, scrubbing down the stove. I couldn't remember when I'd started cleaning, but it wasn't helping the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.

At 8:30, I dialed Armin's number, shifting uncomfortably as it rang.

"Hello?" came his voice.

"Hey, it's Levi. Is Eren around?"

"Uh, no. Why?" Armin seemed to sense that something was off.

"Have you seen him at all? He's been gone all day and won't answer his phone."

"Shit." Armin muttered. "You don't think-"

"What if they took him, Armin?" I blurted out, not bothering to hide my worry any longer.

"It's alright, Levi. I'm gonna call Mikasa, and we'll find him, ok? You just stay put." It was obvious he was hiding his true panic, trying to appear calm for my sake.

"Ok, I'll talk to you later Armin. Call me if you find him."

"I will. Don't go looking for him Levi, I'm serious. Mikasa and I will handle it."

"Mhm." I hung up.

My ass if I was going to sit around and do nothing. I grabbed my coat and tugged my shoes on, hurrying out the door.

***

I really wish I had a car, and a license. Getting around would be so much easier.

I remember Eren telling me that he found Mikasa in a cabin in the woods, so I figured the woods outside of town would be as good a place as any to start looking. I'd set off at a steady run, wanting to get there as quick as possible.

I arrived at the edge of the wooded area after about a half hour of running, and I took a moment to catch my breath. Straightening back up, I stepped into the brush, pushing away the desperation and fear that was tainting my thoughts.

I had no idea where to start, so I looked for a path, and then followed it. The path wound in between trees, full of twists and turns. Eventually it led to a narrow dirt road.

I searched all night, following the road and exploring different side paths. I chewed on my nails, trying to stay hopeful and not have a nervous breakdown. It all seemed so pointless. There was so much ground to cover and there was a big chance that he wasn't even here.

Just as the sun was beginning to poke up over the horizon, and I was ready to give up, I heard a scream. A completely terrified, blood curtling scream. It was close by.

I sprinted towards the sound, praying to God that Eren was ok. I followed the sounds of shrill cries and agonized yells, muttering to myself that he was going to be ok. But then I started to notice differences in each of the cries. Some where really low, while others were more high pitched, as though they were coming from different people.

I ran through a thick bunch of leaves and brush, and there in front of me was a desolate looking cabin. It was low to the ground, but wide, covering a big area. The windows were boarded and the door was wide open. The roof was sagging slightly, and the white paint that covered the wooden structure was chipping and peeling. Parked in front was a rusty old van with tinted windows.

I cautiously crept up to the door, careful to keep quiet. I poked my head in, but there was no one. The first floor was deserted.

Making my way through the rooms, I found a hatch leading to the basement, and heard a whimper coming from below. I slowly opened the hatch with care before lowering myself down. As I descended the creaky steps, nothing could've prepared me for what I saw.

Blood was splattered around the large room, coating the walls and pooling on the floor. The stench of iron hit me like a wall, leaving a metallic taste in my mouth. There were 5 bodies littering the floor, each looking torn apart and messy. One had claw marks running down it's face, starting from the eyes, which were red with blood, and finishing at his chin. Another was missing a chunk of flesh from the place where his shoulder and his neck met, almost as if someone had bitten it off. The one nearest to me had it's jaw pried open much too far to be natural, eyes wide open in fear and shock as he lay there, lifeless on the grimy floor.

Standing in the middle of the room was a bloody figure that didn't even acknowledge me. It was standing over a man, grinding his head into the ground with his foot as the man struggled. It brought it's leg up, a slammed it back down, scattering brains all around them with a crazed laugh. The man's head was flattened.

A broken chair lay behind the figure, surrounded by a length of rope that looked like it had been gnawed through in one spot.

"Did my hero come to save me?" The figure, Eren, drawled sarcastically, finally turning his attention to me.

I stood, frozen in my place, a sick, nautious feeling in my gut. He didn't just kill these people, he had tortured them and mangled their bodies. Their limbs were sticking out at weird angles, many of them had snapped fingers and some of them were even missing a few.

Eren's mouth was covered in blood, his teeth tinted pink. There was a crazed look in his golden eyes, which were usually a beautiful turquoise. "

Some hero you are. I had to do all the the work!" He had a cocky, jovial air to him, as if this was all just fun and games.  But after a second of squinting at me, it started to soften and fade.

I was watching the inner battle that shone through his eyes apprehensively, trying to tell if he was reverting back to normal or not. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention to the body behind him, which chose this moment to get up and use the leg of the scattered chair to club Eren in the back of the head.

He must have been playing dead, waiting for an opening.

I dashed forward as Eren fell to the ground. Praying that Eren was ok, I didn't have time to check on him because of the brute standing over his limp form. He raised his weapon once more, this time gearing up to hit me, but I was too fast, ducking his attack and getting close enough to knee him in the groin.

He yelped but didn't back down, raising the splintering piece of wood to whack me in the face. I grabbed his wrist as he swung, twisting it hard. He dropped his weapon and I bent his wrist farther back, pulling him down and forward to unbalance him. I brought my knee up once again and hit him in the nose, causing a sickening crunch from the force.

The man reared back in pain, but I didn't let him go. With a few punches to the face and a kick to the gut, he finally fell. I kicked him in the head once more before turning my attention to Eren.

I was surprised to find that he was sloppily getting to his feet. His balance was off, his arms swinging loosely at his sides as he swayed almost drunkenly. He looked at me through the fray of his bangs, an evil look in his eyes. They held no recognition whatsoever, purely predatory.

I noticed a few things that I didn't notice before now that I was closer up. His fists were cut, bruised and bloody, some of his fingers definitely broken. His shoulder hung at a weird angle; dislocated. But there he was, all smiles and sick, disturbing giggles.

This time he didn't tease, remaining intimidatingly silent as leisurely slinked towards me. It was much more disturbing than last time. And then he rapidly changed pace, charging forward.

I tried to dodge but his arm flung out, grabbing my wrist. Before he could hit me, I turned my body and drove my elbow into his face. In return, Eren swiftly brought his hand down from my wrist to my hand, picking out one finger and then snapping it back. I ground my teeth together at the feeling of my finger breaking.

Eren's hold loosened as he moved to take gold of my next finger, but I spun behind him, kicking the back of his knee. He fell forward onto his hands and knees, and I kicked his face, hard, splashing blood from his nose. I kicked him so that he was lying flat on his back and then straddled him, pressing down on his forearms with my knees and squeezing his legs with mine. With one more punch to the jaw, Eren was out cold, so I removed myself from my crushing position.

I slipped one arm under his shoulder and the other under his knees and hoisted him up, bridal style.

Once I was back above ground, I set Eren down on a musty couch and called Armin, telling him to meet us just outside the woods. I hung up before he could scold me about disobeying his wishes, but I doubted that he actually expected me to stay home anyways.

I managed to arrange Eren so that I could carry him comfortably on my back, and then I had to face the challenge of navigating my way back. This time, I stuck to the dirt roads, and within twenty minutes, I was out. Armin's car was parked on the highway a little ways down, and when he saw us emerge, he quickly drove up to meet us.

"Hospital," I barked out as I dropped Eren in the back seat before climbing into the front. Armin nodded and sped off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you listen to the song in the chapter summary? Because I listened to it while writing this, and I kinda feel like it's Eren's theme song.  
> (actually I've been listening to it constantly all week because it won't fucking get out of my head and it might have affected my writing.)  
> Here's the link again if ya want :D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc8ztSy9iDo
> 
> Lemme know what you thought of the chapter <333


	9. Hey Now, You're An All Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody wants to save the world,  
> everybody wants to save the world but no one,  
> no one wants to die.  
> (wanna try?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting all week. The new semester started and it's been a bit hard. Have you ever tried to learn Spanish in French when your first language is English? Not fun.
> 
> Uhm, last chapter was a wee bit violent, lol. I used to do taekwondo and stuff, and it was like the only sport that I've ever enjoyed, but I had to quit because of injuries/financial reasons. It was nice to let out some of my violent nature into my writing.
> 
> Anyyyywayyys, I hope you enjoy this little chapter.

**Levi's POV**

 

_Did I really have to beat the shit out of him?_

I mean, sure, he had a purely murderous look in his eyes, like he wasn't even Eren anymore, but now he was lying in a hospital with major head injuries, broken bones, and massive blood loss. And part of it was my doing.

Eren's been here for just over 24 hours now, but he hasn't woken up. Currently, I was sitting in the hall just outside his room and banging my head against the wall repeatedly, berating myself for being so stupid.

When we arrived at the hospital yesterday morning, Eren was whisked off right away, the doctors prying him away from my bloodied hands despite my protests. Tears fell from my eyes as I shouted profanities. I couldn't shake the feeling that if he disappeared from my sight now, I might not get to see him again.

I had no real power, so I was forced to shut up and sit like a good boy. I took my place outside of his room to wait for an update on his condition. A few nurses tried to get me to move, saying I was 'in the way' but I just gave them an icey look and the finger.

Armin sat beside me, but we didn't talk. He ran his hands through his hair worriedly while I stared at a scuff on the wall infront of me, and that's how we stayed until Mikasa showed up.

She stomped down the hall, stopping when she found us. She'd been out fruitlessly searching for Eren on her own until we remembered to call her to tell her that we'd found him, about half an hour after we arrived at the hospital.

Taking in our anguished looks, she must have deduced that we didn't know any more about Eren's well being than she did, so she slid down the wall opposite us.

Ridden with guilt by the time I called Mikasa, I'd admitted that I was the one that beat Eren unconscious, and she'd sounded absolutely livid as she yelled at me, calling me every name in the book. And then she hung up on me.

Now here she was, her cold stare sending icey daggers my way. Anyone else would've booked it by now, but I wasn't bothered. People tended to hate me no matter what I did, so this was nothing new.

A doctor walked out of the room, letting us know that Eren was in bad shape, with a total of 8 broken fingers, one dislocated shoulder, a broken nose (courtesy of me), a few cracked ribs (also me), and a concussion. He also had multiple knife slashes and a bullet hole in his ear. No doubt, his crazy reflexes helped him literally dodge a bullet.

At the moment, they were unsure if he was going to make it. The doctor gave us a sympathetic nod before taking his leave.

And so began the long day, which turned to night, and then morning, in which the three of us sat and waited. Many people passed, sometimes saying things that fell on deaf ears, but we remained. Not eating, not sleeping. Just waiting.

I stared at my scuff.

Armin played nervously with his hair.

Mikasa fantasized about choking me to death. (Or atleast that's what I gathered from her cold stare.)

At one point, one of the nurses showed up with some ice and splinted my broken finger, but I didn't really pay her any attention, and I didn't thank her as she left.

Eventually Armin stood and walked up to Mikasa, convincing her that they needed to get up and eat, use the restroom, and just move. She agreed after a bit of persuasion. Armin cast me a look, probably trying to decide if he should try to get me to come too, but I just brought my eyebrows down and continued staring at the wall.

They left.

So here I was, with my head killing me and my conscience eating me alive. I felt my eyes beginning to droop, but I tried to stave off sleep. I didn't want to miss anything.

***

"Levi, wake up."

Someone was shaking my shoulder, but I just groaned and tried to ignore them.

The horrible feeling that my dream had left me lingered, filling me with uneasiness.

I'd dreamt of the Eren that wasn't really Eren. His hollow eyes staring at me menacingly as he advanced, evil radiating from each predatory movement. Before I could react, Eren had lunged forward and had me from behind, and without even a giggle, he mercilessly slit my throat. He watched as I drowned in my own blood, a slight smirk playing on his face.

"Levi, come on, wake up. I brought some food for you."

Sighing, I knew I wasn't going to sleep anymore anyways, so I pushed myself up. I might've been embarrassed about falling asleep on the floor at one time, but right now I couldn't bring myself to care.

Armin was crouched in front of me holding a burger and a large soda. My stomach growled rather loudly at the sight, and Armin smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. I took the burger and drink with a grateful nod. He took his place beside me once again, and I noticed Mikasa was back in her usual position as well.

No matter how hungry I was, I hated messy eating. It's a proven fact that if you eat too quickly, you over stuff yourself without even noticing it, which results in gaining excess weight. Also, it's plain disgusting. I ate at a slow pace, prefering to savour my food while slowly chewing small bites at a time.

I found myself blinking back tears as I thought of how Eren always made fun of the way I took the smallest sips possible when drinking, and always ate with dessert spoons and salad forks. (They were smaller and I liked them better.) He called me a baby and even came home one day with a little spoon used for feeding babies, which I then used to eat the pudding we'd made that day. I actually kind of liked the tiny spoon.

Just as I was finishing the last morsel of my greasy yet satisfying burger, the doctor emerged from Eren's room. "You can go in and see him now that he's stable, if you'd like."

We all scrambled to our feet and rushed to the door, Mikasa and I shoving each other for the chance to enter first. Stumbling into the room, we all stopped and sobered up at the sight of Eren hooked up to numerous machines. He looked so pale and fragile, as if he could shatter at any moment. A bandage was wrapped around his head, his eyes still shut in comatose slumber.

Mikasa practically snarled at me as I drifted closer, before pushing past me and kneeling by his side. She lay her cheek on his arm, careful not to jostle his injured hand. Armin took his place on Eren's other side, gently caressing the exposed skin on his arm.

I stood back, knowing that I wasn't welcome. I couldn't blame them; I was part of the reason he's here.

As if God himself had reached down and touched Eren's tender soul, a ray of light shone down from the window right onto Eren's face, like a divine spotlight. (Sorry for being cheesy, I was in a bad state of mind.)

Eren scrunched his eyes closed tighter at the bright light, before letting them flutter open to take in his surroundings. Nothing registered on his face right away, he just closed his eyes once again and groaned lightly.

I moved to the curtains to pull them closed, shutting out the light. The room darkened slightly, but our collective mood was electrified. Mikasa, Armin and I were all relieved. He had opened his eyes.He was going to be okay.

With the light gone from his eyes, they opened once again, and Eren smiled softly. He tried to move, but a burst of pain made him cry out and he stilled.

"Oh Eren," Armin sobbed.

"We're so glad you're alive." Mikasa finished for him when it was apparent that Armin couldn't speak.

I felt out of place as I watched their mushy reunion. I didn't belong. They were his family that had been there for him forever, and I was some asshole that had beaten him senseless.

I decided to let them have some time by themselves, so with a mumbled, "I've gotta use the washroom." I backed out of the room.

I really did need to take a piss; I'd ignored my bodily needs for much too long.

 

After relieving myself, I thoroughly washed my hands with plenty of soap. I was trying to ignore the slightly anxious feeling I got from knowing I hadn't showered in quite a while, but I could feel the slight shake in my hands.

I splashed cold water over my face before pushing back from the sink and out the door. I didn't turn back towards Eren's room though, instead walking stiffly in the opposite direction, not stopping until I made it out the door and into the fresh air.

Gulping down a large breath, I patted my back pockets. _Fuck._ Of course I hadn't thought of grabbing my cigarettes before going out to play hero.

I kicked the wall and recoiled from the impact. Slashing my eyes across the scattering people standing outside, I told myself to calm down. There were a few people smoking, maybe one of them could spare a cigarette.

I walked over to the most welcoming of the bunch, which is to say she didn't look like a complete freak. She had blonde hair pulled back in a messy bun, her hook nose the focal point of her flat expression.

"Hey, can I bum a smoke?"

She cut her eyes to mine, narrowing them slightly. We sized each other up silently, before she reached into her bag and pulled out a little box.

"Thanks." I told her as she handed me my fix along with a lighter, and I lit the cigarette as it hung from my mouth, cupping the flame with my hand to block out the wind. We both leaned back against the building, staring off into the distance, before I took my last drag and threw the butt to the ground.

I gave her a nod before turning back towards the doors.

***

" _I was so worried Eren. I thought you were going to die_!" gushed Armins voice.

I stopped in front of the door, not wanting interupt anything. A peak through the small opening in the door revealed that Mikasa had stepped out as well, leaving the two alone.

" _It's alright, Armin, I'm fine_." Eren's raspy voice sounded anything but.

" _I was just so, so scared, and-_ "

I watched in bitter silence as Armin leaned down and kissed Eren. First on the forehead, and then on each cheek. Little smacking sounds reached my ears from where I stood, eavesdropping shamelessly.

Finally, Armin's mouth settled on Eren's, pulling him into a feverish kiss.

At first, Eren lay there, frozen in shock, but gradually he melted and moved his lips in tandem with Armin.

I stepped back from the door and ran a hand through my hair. _I'm fine. I don't care._

I turned and walked away, telling myself that I needed to go home and shower because I was filthy. _Fucking filthy_. I dug around in my pockets for change as I exited the building, making my way to the bus stop.

 _'It was only a matter of time.'_ whispered the voice in the back of my head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

I was swept up in the passion of Armin's kiss.

I'd tried to resist at first, but resigned after long, losing myself in the heat of the moment. Fleetingly, I realized that maybe I wanted this too, no matter what the connotations were behind it.

I basked in mindless bliss as Armin caressed my cheek with his hand, opening his mouth slightly to let me enter. Our tongues engaged each other in a little dance, Armin forfeiting control immediately, unlike Levi, who fought me every step of the way.

At the thought of Levi, I broke off the kiss, gently pushing Armin away. He was blushing deeply, and mumbled a quiet "Sorry." before lowering himself in the chair beside my bed. He looked like he was in shock, amazed and ashamed of his own actions.

I didn't know how to sort out my muddled thoughts and emotions. _Did I like Armin like that? But what about Levi?_

It was all so overwhelming, I couldn't deal with it, so pushed the thoughts away. And then I realized what had been nagging at me for a while now. "Hey, where's Levi?"

Armin looked a bit crestfallen at the mention of his name, not to mention guilty. "He, uh, stepped out to go to the bathroom, but he's been gone quite while..."

"Oh." I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice, but Armin saw through it.

"He sat outside your room without moving from the moment you got here though. He was really worried. I'm actually amazed he lasted as long as he did without pissing his pants."

I nodded and closed my eyes, drifting off to avoid my mixed emotions.

***

I lost track of how long I was in the hospital, bedridden. The days all bleakly blurred together. I drifted in and out of consciousness, not really caring to be awake.

The only thing noteworthy was Levi's blatant absence. Each time I woke up, even after I'd long given up on him, I would sweep my eyes around the room, hoping that this would be the time that he would be there waiting. He would take me into his arms and explain why he hadn't been here, and then he would tell he loved me and that he was worried about me and everything would be ok.

Of course, that was all a hopeless delusion.

As time wore on, I grew angrier with the boy. He couldn't pull his attention away from his obsessive cleaning to come and visit me for an hour? I was very irritable most of the time, snapping at Mikasa when she doted on me and ignoring Armin's comforting words. He tried to hide his hurt expression every time I blatantly ignored one of his questions, but I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to care.

***

"Hey Armin, what ever happened to Jean?" I asked one day, desperate to distact myself. By now, it was more than obvious that Armin had real feelings for me, and our conversation a while back had just come back to me. Armin had never mentioned Jean again after we had joked about how he was in bed.

Armin looked up from his book with a startled expression. I could tell that he hadn't actually been reading because he hadn't turned a page in quite some time. Something was weighing on his mind, causing his brow to crease in contemplation.

"Oh, uh... It didn't really work out. I kind of- I realized that it wasn't him that I wanted to be with." he replied meekly.

I caught his meaning with ease, and it hit me where it hurts. I felt like an inconsiderate jerk for not considering his emotions -going along with the kiss and even returning it full force- because I couldn't fucking sort out what it is that I want.

Not that it really matters anymore, I guess, because Levi was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bangs head against the wall* I hate it.


	10. Get Your Game On, Go Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This isn't what I want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter makes me uncomfortable and sad. I'm sorry.
> 
> Also, I went to sleep at 4:30 a.m. this morning just to wake up at 7:30 with this weird feeling that I needed to do something? So: enjoy a new chapter. I need to sleep.

**Levi's POV**

 

Mikasa texted me today to tell me that Eren was being released from the hospital, but I disregarded it right along with all the other texts she sent me. Most of them were angry, asking me where the hell I was. I wasn't fooled by any of it, though. They could save me the dramatic bullshit and lies, because I got the picture. They were a happy little trio, and I was just an invasion of their space. I understood that, and I firmly believe that I made the right decision by stepping out of their lives.

I'd gone out and bought a new bottle of bleach, and my house felt livable once again. I didn't feel like I was suffocating in my own filth anymore. And anytime I did, I would just go back to cleaning. The upkeep of this habit took away a lot of my free time, but if I skipped a few classes here and there, I could manage.

***

Today I went in and told my teacher that I wouldn't need a tutor anymore. Eren would be coming back school to tomorrow, and I didn't want him showing up and trying to pretend to care about me again.

She protested at first, but couldn't really argue. My grades were fine, and I promised to keep showing up and handing in homework, which was pretty much a lie.

***

My skin was getting really dry, considering I'd began scrubbing myself clean with bleach every few days. I never used too much, just enough to feel a slight burning sensation. That way, I knew it was working.

I made a mental note to go out and buy a good moisturizer, sighing as I ran a hand over my red, irritated arm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

Not once.

Not once did he show up at the hospital. Not once did he call me when I got out. And not once did he even look at me when I came back to school on tuesday, two weeks after my kidnapping.

By lunchtime, Wednesday, I was seething. Everytime I passed Levi in the halls and saw him nonchalantly walk by with a bored expression, not even acknowledging me, I saw red. I had to restrain myself from jumping him and demanding what was going on.

I had a pretty good idea of where he was hiding when I didn't see him in the lunch room, so I determinedly walked out of the school, and there he was at his little bench. He didn't look up as I approached, though I'm sure he heard my loud footsteps.

I stood in front of him as he inhaled and exhaled smoke, both of us locking eyes but not saying anything. Levi's stoic expression pissed me off because for once I couldn't read what he was actually thinking.

"So. Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"No." he replied dismissively.

"Do it anyway." I said through gritted teeth.

Levi leaned back and closed his eyes, going back to ignoring my presence completely.

"Tell me why you never showed up at the hospital. Tell me why I came home to find all my belongings on my front porch instead of at your house. Just tell me what I did!" Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but I stood my ground.

"Go cry to someone who cares, like that Armin kid." I didn't miss the amount amount of hatred that emanated from that one name, his face twisting like it left a bad taste in his mouth, but it fell back into his unreadable mask in less than a second.

"Is that what this is about? Armin? I thought I already told you th-"

"That there's nothing going on between you two? Yeah, ok. Let's believe that. And what about the fact that you were ready to murder me, Eren? I saw it in your eyes! Or the way that you fucking tortured all those people like it was a sick little game. It wasn't enough to just kill them - _oh no_ \- because nothing's ever good enough for Eren. I'm _so sorry_ that you can't have everything you want, you fucking brat. Now scurry back to your little posse and leave me alone."

I stood there, opening and closing my mouth like a fish. "Is that- Is that how you really feel?"

Levi just gave me a look that said 'are you fucking serious?'.

I nodded, backing away, and that was when I finally gave up. I wasn't one to forfeit so easily, but I couldn't fix this. Levi finally saw me as a monster, and who was I to try to change his mind when I already knew it to be true?

It was over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

_"Atleast I didn't whore myself to the principle!"_

It echoed through my brain, over and over.

Usually I was pretty good at blocking out memories of Eren, but for some reason, that angry phrase just wouldn't leave me alone. If I thought about it, it made sense for Eren to think of me as a whore. It explained why he would so shamelessly work his way into my life, because he knew that I would put out eventually. I didn't know if this made me hate him or myself more.

He knew he could manipulate me to do whatever he wanted, if he just asked sweetly.

And I would have.

***

I frowned at my complexion in the mirror. The bags under my eyes were getting worse.

I couldn't sleep for more than a few hours before I started to feel the familiar itch. There was always something that needed to be washed, sanitized, wiped clean or thrown away, so I couldn't waste my time sleeping.

***

I spot something interesting as I'm checking the mail today. Deep in the bushes, I can see a spot of blue and white.

Upon further inspection, I uncover a bottle of bleach.

I smile to myself as I bring it inside. I was starting run low.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV:**

 

I didn't know what to do with myself. Levi had been the main focus in my life for so long, I'd forgotten what I did before he came along.

Not much, actually.

I drifted through my classes, not caring enough to pay attention.

I went straight to bed after school and slept the rest of the day away, and then found myself staring at the ceiling at 3am, unable to enjoy unconsciousness any longer.

I smoked about 3 or four cigarettes a day. They helped calm me down when I was feeling restless and panicky. Mikasa complained a lot, telling me I reeked of smoke and body odor.

I told her to fuck off. (Can't even get the way he speaks out of my head.)

***

"Armin. I'm fine."

Armin sighed. "You're not fine, Eren. Will you please at least consider hanging out with me for a bit? It might help to get out of the house."

He stared at me with eyes full of sadness, and it hit me in my weak spot. "Sure Armin, I guess I can go over to your house after school for a little while, but you better have snacks." I offered him a small, slightly forced smile, and he nodded, taking my hand and pulling me into our next class.

***

"So... What do you want to do?" Armin was desperately trying to hold a conversation with me, but my mind was elsewhere. I wasn't the greatest company to keep at the moment.

I shrugged from where I sat on the bed, staring at nothing.

"Is there anything I can do to make you happy, Eren? _Please_. I'll do anything to help you feel good. To feel better."

 _Feel good?_ Those to words sparked my attention.

Armin was leaning in close, touching my arm lightly.

It's been a whole month since I was kidnapped, and Levi was still ignoring me. I felt unbearably lonely, and my thoughts had all turned cynical. I hated everything. It all seemed so pointless. People were pointless, insatiably greedy and annoying beings and I'd given up on trying to please them.

But if Armin wanted to make me feel good...

I pushed my lips against his, forcefully pulling him into a kiss. He was a bit surprised at first, but he didn't fight back, just let me take control of him as our mouths fit together and our tongues mingled breathlessly.

It wasn't what I wanted.

I wanted him to be stubborn, to challenge me, but he let me do whatever I wanted. Frustrated, I pushed my hands up his shirt and dug my nails into his sides, desperate for some kind of reaction. He yelped in pain but didn't move away. I dragged my nails across his skin, eliciting a pained whimper, but still no retaliation. I pushed him back into the bed, grinding my knee roughly against his crotch. Armin arched his back and moaned.

We broke the kiss for a moment, gasping for breath, before resuming hungrily. I bit his bottom lip, not quite gently, and pulled his hair. He just let me hurt him, even though I could tell he didn't like it.

_Fuck._

I came to my senses and pushed him away from me, realizing this wasn't what I wanted.

"I'm sorry." I forced out as I escaped the claustrophobic room, pissed off at Armin for being such a pushover, and pissed off at myself for trying to take advantage of him.

_What the fuck am I even doing?_

I didn't miss his dejected expression on my way out, leaving him there to wonder what he did wrong.

***

I shoved the box of chocolates that I'd bought this morning before school into Armin's hands and he looked up at me with big, blue, confused eyes. "I'm sorry." I told him again, more earnestly this time. I pleaded with my eyes, trying to get him to see what I was feeling. For some reason, I couldn't find the words. Being the magician that he is, he just nodded, understanding what I meant.

We couldn't have _that_ kind of relationship because, put simply, I was damaged goods. I could never make him happy and care for him the way he does me. I was much too self absorbed. He deserves better.

We fell back into our comfortable friendship, although there were a few bumps. Most of which were due to my stubbornness and snarky attitude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

This feeling was familiar.

The emptiness of knowing that you didn't really have anyone. I was on my own, and that's the way I liked it.

Uncomplicated.

Safe.

***

"Levi, you look like you're deteriorating right before my eyes."

I quickened my pace, trying to escape the woman that wouldn't give up. "I thought I told you to leave me alone, Hanji."

"You're skin is so pale it's almost white! The bags under your eyes make you look like you're already dead, which you will be if you don't start eating. You expect me to just go on like I don't see what's happening?"

"Yes." I turned into the guys room, the one place where she couldn't follow me. Of course, I should have remembered that Hanji wasn't easily deterred. She followed me in.

I whipped around and gave her a death glare. "I need to take a shit, so get the fuck out of here."

She opened her mouth to reply, but some meat head walked into the bathroom and stopped, staring at us with an idiotic look on his face.

Hanji turned on her heel and stormed out. Maybe this time she'd listen to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

2 months since the accident, or whatever you want to call it.

Armin had finally moved on and started to date Jean. He looked happy. He stopped bugging me to get a life.

Me? I'd learned that self acceptance was a beautiful thing.

My new hobby was spending countless hours sprawled on my floor, staring up at the ceiling. It's a big change from when I used to lay on my bed, I know.

From this position, I contemplated who I was. Not who I wanted to be, or who I was expected to be. I dove deep into my memories, letting them play through, and discovering who I'd really been this whole time.

I've noticed that everyone I've ever known was just reflection of someone else, the way that the blue color of a lake is just a reflection of the sky. If you get close enough, you can see the mixed up, murky mass of shit underneath.

We reflect who we admire, who we're jealous of, in hopes of becoming something that other people will admire the way we envy others. We adopt mannerisms, slang and styles; everything we do is an act to impress someone else.

The only person I'd known that broke away from this trend was Levi. He wasn't anyone but his cold, angry self. He didn't pick up on proper social queues, he couldn't care less.

I wasn't as insuseptible.

But you see, in the darkness of my little shelter, with only my plain white ceiling staring back at me, I no longer had anything to reflect. My only option was to put up with myself, and you'd be surprised at what you can learn about yourself, all alone at 3am.

I accepted that I was fucked up. I wasn't two people, one sane and one crazy. One innocent and one a criminal. It was just two sides of the same Eren.

I accepted that I enjoyed seeing the ones who caused pain to others suffer; I reveled in the feeling of them falling apart in agony by my hands. I no longer fought it, and in my most recent fights, I could even channel in and out of my slightly psychotic alter ego. It really did come in handy, and I've learned how to reign myself back in before I hurt anyone too badly.

I accepted that I'm a selfish man. With this, I realized that I wasn't ready to forget about Levi yet, his feelings be damned. He's the only person that I've told my whole story to, and I loved him. I love him, I need him, I want him, and I'll have him.

The biggest thing about my self discovery is that I recovered my forgotten determination. It had been buried in my own self loathing, but it was always there, ready to be put to use. My mind narrowed on one target, and I wouldn't give up so easily this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Squirms in chair*
> 
> Lemme know if I made any mistakes, or just your general opinion of the fic. Ily <3


	11. Hey Now, You're A Rock Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Our collective sigh of relief*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I couldn't stand the melancholic turn that my fic had taken, and... this happened? I don't even know anymore. This fic is purely to satisfy my own needs, so I'm sorry if it's not to your liking lmao.

**Eren's POV**

 

Even before the vow that had been sworn in the dead silence of my lonely bedroom to get Levi back, I'd always kept an eye on him. I checked to see which classes he attended, and which ones he ditched. If he wasn't present, I would stealthily check his usual smoking areas. Sometimes he slept in, and arrived late, if at all.

When I didn't see him for a whole day, I would drive by his house to make sure he was alright. I took note of the fact that every time I passed his house, he could be seen cleaning through one of the windows. And I noticed the way his health had deteriorated. He was neglecting his own needs in favor of getting rid of every trace of himself that he left behind.

Had I done this to him?

Now that I had a clear objective in mind, the forefront of my consciousness thought of nothing but plans and strategies for getting back what I wanted most. I cataloged every detail of his behavior, every destination that he sought out in his craving for peace and quiet, and all of his preferred smoking times. It was becoming a slight obsession, which didn't go unnoticed by Mikasa and Armin.

"Eren, you need to stop this, it's getting creepy. You're stalking him." She'd told me. Armin nodded in agreement.

"I am not stalking him! I'm making sure he's ok. He doesn't have anyone to look after him. I'm not going to leave him all alone just because he doesn't want me around. Someone needs to care for him."

All I got were a few dubious looks and disapointed shakes of their heads.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

It started with the lingering feeling of someone constantly watching me. I never felt truly alone, which irked me to no end. My spine prickled at the feeling of eyes on my back, but whenever I turned to see if anyone was there, I'd find myself alone.

I made a habit of looking over my shoulder at random intervals, trying to catch the culprit that I was starting to believe was a creation of my own imagination.

But then began the invasion of my precious personal space.

I would find him sitting at _my_ bench, smoking his own cigarette. He'd look over and cock an eyebrow, a silent challenge. Stubborn as I was, I couldn't just give up my spot, so I sat beside him.

We didn't speak, didn't even look at each other. I kept my eyes forward, maintaining my stoic expression as I tried to keep the anger boiling beneath the surface in check. It took all of my focus and energy to appear relaxed and nonchalant instead of tense with clenched fists. Fantasies of standing up and kicking the shit out of the prick beside me were my anchor, keeping me sane.

As soon as I was done, I took my leave and didn't look back.

_Every single fucking time_ I went out for a smoke, he was there. It didn't matter what time I went out, or which of my favourite spots that I chose to dwell in, he was always one step ahead of me. It was like he knew where I was going to be before I did.

It was obvious that he was plotting something, but I couldn't figure out what. He never said anything.

Whenever he would finish his cigarette before I did, he'd sit and stare at nothing for a few moments before climbing to his feet and walking off, as if our meeting hadn't been premeditated at all. It made me so angry, but I couldn't back down and let him take away my only safe spots.

The game was on.

***

Halfway through May, and our stalemate hadn't made any progression. That was, until I arrived at my bench to find that it was eerily empty.

The wind blew my bangs into my face, and I pushed them away as I sat down. The leaves rustled as always, the birds sang, and freshly bloomed flowers swayed in the breeze. I took this all in, trying to ignore the blaring absence I felt, setting everything else slightly off-kilter. I tried to enjoy the peaceful silence that could only be felt when you were alone, but today it was wrong. It wasn't the kind of silence that I wanted.

I wanted the silence felt between two people when you both knew that no words were needed. In fact, they were unwanted.

I felt my mood sinking, because for the first time in a long time, it was just me. I was truly lonely, and even though I told myself that this was what I'd desired, that I'd finally gotten my wish, I couldn't banish the sick feeling I got when I realized that Eren had really given up on me. Just like Hanji had, finally. And, of course, my parents.

Shakily, I reached for my pack of smokes in my back pocket. I flipped it open, only to find that it was empty. I'd forgotten that I was supposed to go out and get more.

I felt like screaming.

I took in a deep breath, telling myself to calm down. I could go buy some right now.

The shaking wouldn't stop though, and my lungs couldn't seem to get in enough air, no matter how many quick breaths I took.

_'Stop it.'_   I told myself firmly and opened my eyes, blinking back a bout of nauseating dizziness as I prepared to pull myself up from my seat.

I almost had a heart attack when I found Eren staring down at me with a concerned expression, but we both quickly schooled our faces into ones of indifference. Eren reached into his back pocket. The next thing I knew, he was waving a cigarette in my face. At first, I thought he was taunting me and I put on a scowl. Then I realized that he was actually offering it to me.

I plucked it from his fingers without a thank you, mentally cursing my unsteady fingers that fumbled to hold on to my lifeline. (Ironic, considering that I was bringing myself closer to death with every inhale.)

Eren plopped down beside me without a word, and for the first time I noticed a slip of paper held loosely in his free hand. I squinted, trying to read the small print on the form, but Eren noticed and turned it away from my prying eyes as he looked it over with a mischievous grin on his face.

I set my jaw and stared forward. I tried to dismiss it from my thoughts but my curiosity was eating me alive. It looked important, and official, and Eren was staring at the small print looking increasingly angered by what he was reading. Plus, he was shamelessly, tactlessly hiding it from me.

Eventually my curiosity won out, and I swallowed my pride, speaking to him for the first time in weeks.

"What's that?" I inquired.

"Nothing." Eren replied with a slightly amused lilt to his silky voice.

"Show me what it is, dickhead."

"And why should I, Levi?" Eren slashed his eyes sideways and locked them on mine.

I'd ignored him and shut him out of my life for such a long time (no wonder he didn't want to share anything with me), and now I was letting an insignificant piece of paper ruin all my hard work.

_Pathetic_.

I turned and looked forward once again, shaking my head.

"All of that effort, and this is the best you can do, Levi?" Eren remarked disappointedly and I thought he was referring to my failed attempt at shutting him out, but then he added, "I'm going to be graduating in a few weeks, and like hell I'm going to let all of my precious time spent tutoring _you_ go to waste. I mean, look at these grades, Levi!"

He shoved the document he was holding in my face. It was a recent print out of my transcript; I was failing all of my classes except one. (Gym, but I was just barely passing.)

"How did you get that?" I asked, still confused about the whole situation.

"Oh, I just came from a meeting with your french teacher. We had a lengthy discussion concerning your piss poor efforts in class, and I convinced her to print this out for me so I could see how you're doing in your other classes. We both agreed that I should resume your tutoring, and we need to get shit done if we're going to bring your grades up by the end of the semester."

I stared at him open mouthed.

He slung his backpack off of his shoulder and into his lap, unzipping it to reveal a mass of papers inside. "I stopped by all of your classes and explained that we were going to begin recovering your grades, and your teachers gladly handed over all of your missed assignments."

I was dumbfounded. "And... What makes you think that I want your help?"

"Oh, honey, I know you don't want it. You need it."

I frowned at the use of one of his dumb pet names. "I don't need anything from you, I'm not some charity case."

Eren proceeded as if he hadn't even heard my protests. "You see, I firmly believe that I am the only one qualified for this monumental task. I'm practically a genius, _not to mention good looking_ , and I'm also the only one willing to put up with your bullshit."

_What the hell was he going on about_? "Stop being a cocky little shit and tell me what this is really about."

Eren leaned forward so that our foreheads were almost touching, staring directly into my eyes. "I can't just give up on you, Levi. I won't."

He leaned back and smiled a self satisfied smile, dissolving his serious attitude instantly. "Someone's gotta set your shit straight, since you obviously can't do it by yourself."

I stood abruptly and stalked away. I was not ready to deal with this crap.

***

I was roused from the depths of my thoughts at the knock on my door. I dropped my sponge into the bucket of water and bleach at my feet, wondering who it could be.

I didn't get many visitors.

I reached the entryway just as Eren was timidly pushing the door open. When he saw me, he exclaimed, "Ah, Levi! I was afraid that you would just ignore my knocking, so I let myself in. Let's get started on your tutoring, shall we?"

He had a weirdly upbeat attitude, acting as if everything was normal between us.

"What the hell? Eren, get out of my house." I honestly didn't think he was serious yesterday. I thought he would realize that it was a dumb idea.

"Sorry buddy, not an option."

His tone made it clear that no amount of rebellion would deter him, so I tried a different tactic. "It's a Monday. I thought we had agreed on Tuesday to Thursday."

"Well, considering our lack of time, we're going to have to increase the frequency of our meetings. As in, every day until you're passing."

I dragged my hand down my face, trying to quell the rage threatening to spill out. "Can't you see that I don't want you here, Eren? I'm sick of your fucking games, so whatever you're trying to play, give it up."

"It's never been a game. Why would you think that?" Eren's cheery mask finally cracked, revealing genuine confusion.

"Hmm, maybe because even after you insisted that you and Armin weren't a thing-"

"We aren't!"

"I walked in on your little make out session in the hospital, and trust me, it was way too passionate to be one sided, or 'just a friendly peck.' Stop fucking lying to me."

"I-" Eren's cheeks flushed bright red, and he ducked his head in shame. He didn't have an answer.

"That's what I thought. Now get the fuck out of my house; you're trespassing."

"Would you let me explain!? I fucked up, ok? I get that. Fuck... I just..." He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit. "Do you really want me to explain my jumbled thought process throughout this whole mess?"

I just game him an unimpressed look.

He took a deep breath and then let it out in a rush. "Ok, well... I guess maybe deep down I did kind of want Armin that way?"

_How is this helping anything?_

"He's always been there for me, and he gets me, y'know? He knows how to comfort me, and he's always so calm and collected."

"Great, you two are in love. I really don't need to know this."

"No, let me finish! I woke up to find Armin crying by my side, and before I new it, his lips were on mine and I realized that I've been curious about the feel of his lips against mine for a while. And I got swept up in the kiss. I didn't know what I wanted after that, and I didn't for a long time.

"But you didn't show up at the hospital, and it hurt so much, Levi. I trusted you -I loved you- and you didn't even call to see if I was ok. I know now that you had a valid reason, but I didn't know what that reason was and I spent all my time criticizing every little thing that I've done since I met you. I couldn't figure it out. And Armin had to sit by and watch as I cried over you, even though he was right there. He was ready to give me all the love I could ask for, and I threw it back in his face. Really, I don't deserve either of you.

"After I finally gave up on you, I tried to be with Armin, but it wasn't what I wanted. God, I'm such a terrible person. I really did play with you guys.

"I'm a selfish fucking idiot, Levi. I can't help it. I've accepted this, and I can't just give you up. I've made some huge fucking mistakes. I didn't know what I had until I lost it. I'm a dumbass. But I'm going to fix this, if it's the last thing I do. If you don't want to be with me, that's fine. I can settle with just being near you, as long as you stop ignoring me. I just want you back. I want your smiles and your crude jokes and your great America's Next Top Model commentary. Please, just let me prove to you that I'm worth the trouble."

_'Prove to me that you're worth the trouble?'_ I could relate. I decided that maybe I'd give him a chance.

"For fucks sakes, you talk too much." (How to ruin a heartfelt speech, by Levi the dickwad.)

I turned on my heel and walked into the kitchen, leaving Eren to stand there with a dumbfounded look on his shitty face.

After a few moments, I tossed a glance over my shoulder. "Well? Are you going to help me with my homework or not? I don't pay you to stand around looking constipated."

Eren opened his mouth and closed it, shaking his head as he entered the kitchen and sat down beside me at the table that held so many memories between us. "You don't pay me anything." he uttered, for lack of a better comeback.

"You get to stare at this beautiful face all day; I think that's payment enough."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

I tentatively took Levi's sarcastic banter as a sign of forgiveness, though I knew I wasn't completely off the hook.

A dull pulsing in the back of my head came to my attention now that I was able to relax slightly. The chemical fumes in this place were much too concentrated to be healthy, so I stepped away from the kitchen table and over to the window, prying it open. I proceeded to open the rest of the windows on the main floor, ignoring the holes that Levi's eyes burned into my back.

Returning to my starting point, I opened up the sliding door and gestured for Levi to follow me out into the sweet fresh air outside. "You missed an oral french test a few days ago, so I figured we could study for that out here."

Levi rolled his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you-"

"Yes, I know. You speak french fluently. I also know that you've scarcely been attending class, so you have no idea what's on the test. And you're probably a bit rusty, considering you never actually put your fluency to use. We wouldn't want you to be caught by surprise."

Levi sighed and slumped into one of the two lawn chairs that dotted the otherwise barren space.

"Okay, I guess we'll start then." I took in an exaggerated breath, getting into character. "Bonjour, Levi! Comment ça va?"

Levi looked completely unamused by my cheery tone, though he couldn't deny that my pronunciation was spot on.

"¿Qué?"

"Levi, come on. That's not even french. Stop fucking around."

"¿Qué? No comprendé." he continued in a monotonous voice.

I crouched down in front of the younger boy, holding him beneath the chin and trapping him in my stern gaze. "Tu n'es pas drôle."

"I don't know, fuckface, I think I'm hilarious." Levi countered.

I smacked the crown of his head. "En français, Levi."

"Are you serious? No."

I clenched his chin harder, applying slight pressure.

"Ah!- Eren stop."

My fingers tightened, unrelenting.

"Ok! Arrêter!"

I released my grip and smiled. "Pouvons-nous commencer maintenant?"

"Oui." Levi replied sulkily, sinking back into his lawn chair.

I turned to take a step towards the other chair, but a leg jutted out just as my foot was lifting and sent my sorry ass tumbling to the dusty surface of Levi's deck. I landed painfully on my hands and knees.

I collapsed and rolled over so I could lie on my back and stare at the abstract shapes that the evening clouds formed in the sky. "Detention."

Levi chuckled. "Sorry, dickwad, you can't give me detention."

"Detention!"

"Eren, you can't give me detention in my own house-"

"I don't care. This is unacceptable. You can't treat your superior like this. I won't have it." I said all this as sternly as I could, but my attention was fixed on a massive cloud that looked like a giant, disproportionate humanoid figure. It was almost ominous, the way it loomed over us.

"Ha! Fuck you, Jaeger, I'll do what I want."

"Moins douze!" I shouted.

"Moins douze? Are you trying to deduct points? There's nothing to deduct from."

"One day, Levi, those twelve points will make all the difference. You'll be down on your knees, begging, but you won't get what you want so desperately because YOU WON'T HAVE ENOUGH POINTS."

"What does that even-" he began, but just shook his head lightly. 'It's official. You're one hundred percent crazy. Congrats."

I didn't dignify that with an answer, instead choosing to pick myself up off the ground and dust myself off. The darkening clouds above looked like they were just about ready to burst and let out their torrent of rain, so I guessed it would be best to head back inside. Hopefully, the place would be aired out by now. "Let's get inside."

"Fine." Levi answered.

Seating Levi at the table and outlining which assignments I wanted him to complete, I turned and began preparing supper. By now, I knew Levi's kitchen like the back of my hand, even though I haven't been here for months. I placed a pan on the stove element to heat up, and then began chopping a variety of vegetables that Levi had in his fridge. Tossing them into the frying pan, I stopped to admire the enticing aroma of vegetables frying in butter.

That was when I noticed that Levi was no longer sitting behind me.

"Levi!"

Giving the vegetables one last stir to ensure that they wouldn't burn in my absence, I went to search for Levi.

I didn't have to look very hard; I found him in the living room, standing precariously on top of the coffee table in his sock feet as he reached above him. A dusting cloth was in his hand, being used to wipe down the blades of his ceiling fan. From the ease and familiarity in his movements, I could tell he did this often.

"Is that really more pressing than the fact that you're going to fail if you don't sit your ass down and finish your homework?"

"Yep."

"Levi. Down. Now." I was running out of patience. "

I'm not a fucking dog." Levi snapped as he hopped down.

I rolled my eyes and dragged him back to the table.

Engrossed in my cooking once again, I didn't notice Levi slip from the room until I heard the vacuum in the other room. This time, Levi was sucking the dirt from the crevices between the cushions of his couch.

I unplugged the obnoxiously loud machine and sent him back to the kitchen.

Five minutes later, I whipped around at the sound of a chair scraping back as Levi rose from his seat.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I asked accusingly.

"Relax, I need to piss."

Sighing, I just waved him off. At this rate, we weren't going to get anywhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I thanked whatever forces may be for the fact that Eren had finally decided to leave.

I leaned against the wall with my arms crossed as he packed his backpack, slipped on his jacket and then reached for one of his shoes.

"Oh, wait, I forgot something. One sec," Eren spoke in a rushed, clipped manner as he hurried back into the kitchen, backpack in tow. Moments later, he emerged, his bag looking slightly fatter.

"What did you forget?"

"Oh, nothing. Don't worry about it." He had his shoes on and was slipping out the door before I could interrogate him any further.

Dismissing my suspicions, I decided to deal with more important matters. I still hadn't finished my cleaning routine, and it was making my skin crawl.

I opened the cupboard underneath the kitchen sink, feeling around for the plump bottle that contained my main choice of disinfectant: bleach. With a heightening sense of anxiousness, I realized that it wasn't there. Eren had taken it.

"Dick!" I yelled out to no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren keeps a tally of the points that he doles out to his acquaintances, and believes that one day, they will mean something. (They probably won't, though. No one tells him this.)


	12. Get The Show On, Get Paid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Punch your reflection in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit short, sorry.

**Eren's POV**

 

Sometimes, Levi would act completely natural around me, as if nothing had ever caused a rift between us.

Other times, he would be very unresponsive and cold, shutting me out.

He would switch between these two unpredictably, making it difficult to gauge the situation and determine how to act.

***

Tuesday, I knocked on the door, fully intending to let myself in after waiting a moment. Surprisingly, Levi swung the door wide open within seconds, and I startled at the abruptness of his actions.

"Where's my bleach, cock sucker?"

 _So that's what this is about._ "I don't know what you're talking about."

Levi raised a hand, like he wanted to slap the information out of me, but let it drop back limply to his side before he could go through with it. He closed the door in my face, which I promptly reopened to find that he'd meandered off to start one of his many cleaning rituals. He didn't answer me when I said his name, even when I stood right in front of him. I pried the rag from his clutches and dragged him to the kitchen table, but the blank, empty look remained on his face for the rest of the evening.

***

Wednesday, I went through the process of knocking and waiting, but this time he didn't answer so I let myself into the sterile house.

"Levi?" I called out, but it was unnecessary because I found him at his usual seat at the dining table, head resting on his arms. He didn't stir as I approached and when I shook his shoulder, it was clear that he was exhausted, having passed out at the fucking table and not even awakening as I disturbed him.

I knew that we had to get work done, but I also knew that Levi barely slept lately, so this should be considered a blessing.

With a sigh I lifted the boy from his seat and carried him to his bed, bridal style. Even though he was practically dead weight in my arms, he was way too easy to carry. He didn't stir until I set him down on the cold, systematically-made bed.

His eyes lazily watched as I settled the covers over his twig of a body.

I turned to leave but was stopped by a fragile hand that wrapped around my wrist.

"Come snuggle, I'm cold." came his adorably groggy voice.

I didn't have to be told twice.

***

Thursday was by far the worst.

I let myself into the same impersonal, perfectly orderly house, but it held an unsettling aura of unrest.

My shoulders hunched as a shiver crawled up my spine.

I discovered Levi on the bathroom floor, his knees pulled tightly to his chest and his face hidden. The mirror over the sink had been shattered, and pieces were scattered around the area. Blood dripped from Levi's knuckles as he shivered dejectedly at my feet. It was completely silent throughout the house, except for the sound of Levi's ragged breaths as he struggled to fill his lungs.

Crouching in front of him like I had done many times before, I gently pried Levi's hands from their vice-like grip around his knees. He just folded in on himself even more, shaking free of my hold.

"Levi, can you tell me what happened?"

_No answer._

Quickly, I swept up the shards of glass, disposed of them and washed the blood off the sink and the floor. Returning to Levi with a first aid kit in tow, I tenderly cradled his injured hand and tried to wipe off some of the blood with a damp cloth. He swiped his hand away before I could do anything, splattering a bit of blood on the wall behind the dark headed teen.

Snapping his head around to look behind him, Levi let out a quiet whimper at the sight of the tiny specks of crimson dotting the cream colored wall.

"It's ok, I'll clean it up. Please, Levi, just tell me what's wrong." I pleaded.

His head slowly turned back so that he could stare me dead in the eyes with his dull, lifeless ones.

I could only watch confusedly, stuck in my spot, as he brought his bloodied hand up to my cheek and smeared it with the warm, red liquid. He did the same to the other cheek.

"Uh...?"

"Now you're dirty too." he murmured, barely audible. "We're both dirty."

"Levi,"

"Please Eren, help me. I can't get it clean. I don't know what to do. Please." His words flowed out with much more urgency now.

I didn't have a chance to answer because his whole being began to shake with tremors as he receded into himself, whispering defeatedly, "No matter how much I clean, I can't get it off. I'm covered in it. I should just..."

A million questions ran through my head at that moment. _What couldn't he get off? Why did he punch the mirror? He should just... What? Kill himself?_

He was enveloped in my arms before I was aware of it. Levi struggled weakly, shouting, "Let go! I don't fucking want you here!" but I held him tighter.

Tears dripped from my wet eyes and onto his shoulder as I patiently waited for him to relax. I really didn't have any right to hold him close and comfort him when I was the one who broke him in the first place -or at least, I made everything a lot worse- but I couldn't stand to see him in such a hopeless state.

I wanted to apologize over and over again. I wanted to tell him he was perfect, and repeat it until he believed me. I wanted to tell him that I love him, but I just held him in silence until he slipped into unconsciousness.

I washed his hand and used a pair of tweezers (sanitized, of course.) to cautiously pick the tiny shards of glass from the flesh of his knuckles. Then, I wrapped his hand in a bandage before carrying him to his room.

On my way out, I caught a glimpse of myself in Levi's mirror and was surprised to see the gory smears that still marred my face.

" _Now you're dirty too._ "

But wasn't I already?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I was really starting to get frustrated with this whole ' _the grass is always greener on the other side_ ' shit that I had going on.

Whenever Eren decided to follow me around while I took my sweet time giving myself lung cancer, I wished he would just fucking get a life already and stop infesting mine with his sassy remarks and annoying pet names.

But when he didn't show up, that was even worse. Rejection and self loathing would surge through me, as if it had replaced every drop of blood in my body, before I even had a chance to acknowledge my disappointment.

I'd never admit that my sulky attitude diminished completely when he finally did make an appearance, though.

Despite my doubts whenever he was late, he always came through, even if it was just to check on me and sit quietly for a minute or two. I wasn't sure if I should be concerned or suspicious when he showed up later than usual with obviously bruised knuckles and sometimes even small splatters of blood speckling his shirt.

I never asked though, because that would mean swallowing my pride and admitting that I gave a fuck.

That was out of the question.

***

Eren had shown up at my house at the same time each day this week. Exactly 5:30 p.m.

I couldn't make up my mind about how I felt about him. I hated him; he stole my bleach and made fun of me constantly. This was all a joke to him.

I tried to banish all thoughts in favour of some manual labour, but Eren would just tug me towards the table and shove schoolwork in my face. Still, I couldn't let him in again; I had to protect myself, so I carefully abandoned all emotion in his presence.

I'd finally learned my lesson.

Understanding that I wouldn't be able to get anything done with Eren around, on Wednesday I resigned to sit at my spot at the table to wait for Eren to show up and make my life hell. The next thing I knew, I was being gently tucked into my bed while Eren gazed down at me with soft eyes full of endearment.

It was at times like that, when his own mask of fake, upbeat cheerfulness disappeared, letting his real emotions shine through, that really got to me. The sincerity of the way that he doted on me warmed my heart, no matter how much I told myself that I wanted him dead.

My resolve weakened and I reached out to him before my pride could catch up to me.

Thursday was spent in a sinkhole of self-loathing, beating myself up for being so weak. The night before, I'd slept in the arms of the boy that had hurt me worse than anyone else. And I loved it.

I absorbed his warmth like a greedy sponge, and he held me tight and securely to his chest. It was the first time I'd slept the whole night in forever.

I was falling into his trap again.

I drowned my troubles in the new bottle of bleach that now occupied my cupboard. I started by wiping down the surfaces of the entire house because it had been way too long, but my anxiety wasn't going away.

I retreated to the bathroom to get rid of the filth that covered me as well. I stared at myself in the mirror as I scrubbed away, growing more and more frustrated as time passed.

Deep down, I knew that it wasn't ever going away. I ruined everything, like a fucking disease, and no one could stand being around me. They all eventually got sick and tired of it. Eren was the only one left, but not for long.

I knew that really, I should just end it. What was I even doing? I wasn't helping anyone. I won't ever be happy. I was just a fucking coward who was too afraid to take my own life.

I punched my reflection in the face, cracking the mirror. Another hit, and it was gone.

I stumbled back as a nervous laugh bubbled out of my throat, sinking back against the wall. Blood was flowing freely from my hand, but I didn't pay it much attention.

I heard the front door creak open, and rapidly sent myself into action with urgency. I had to hide the bleach, or else he would take it again.

I settled on hiding it behind a pile of towels in the small bathroom cupboard. When I was done, I noticed the mess I had made and dropped back on the floor. I hid my face in my arms to get away from the horrible sight of blood and millions of shards of glass that surrounded my sink, my head spinning.

A delirious thought crossed my mind as Eren flitted in and out of my personal space.

_Maybe if I could ruin him, make him as filthy as I am, he wouldn't leave me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter. Let me know what you think?
> 
> EDIT: thank you all so much for the comments, they're the reason I'm still writing lol.  
> My friend keeps asking why I'm smiling at my phone.


	13. And All That Glitters Is Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mikasa." Eren said seriously, with just a hint of hysteria in his voice.
> 
> "What?"
> 
> "I fucked up, Mikasa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I've been trying to upload this chapter since thursday, but I couldn't fucking get any computer time. Better late than never, though.

**Levi's POV**

 

It's Friday and like the loser I am, I'm making the long, dull trek back to my house from school. Alone as always.

A shrill cry catches my attention as I'm about to pass by a dark alley so I slow my pace and take silent steps, creeping closer for a better look. Crouching behind a crappy car that was sitting unattended, I took in the scene before me. Four men stood not far away from my post, dressed in street clothes and trying to look intimidating. It was obvious that three of them were buddies, surrounding another lanky being that didn't even tremble as the brutes in front him put him on the defensive. Huddled behind the lone boy's feet was a petite, terrified woman who looked a little beat up.

Wait- Messy brown hair, lanky build and bright green-blue eyes- it was Eren! Really, I should've known right away. Who else would be stubborn and headstrong enough to take on three grown men at once?

I was too busy admiring the great view I had -I could make out the color of Eren's eyes perfectly from this angle- to consider stepping in and offering some help. It quickly became apparent that I wouldn't need to, though, because Eren was handling himself just fine. One man lunged for Eren, trying to grab him and pin him against the wall, but Eren ducked and dodged, ending up behind the man. Eren kicked his legs out from under him, sending the menacing adult to the ground.

I watched in awe as Eren ducked and weaved around his attackers. None of them could touch him. The most fascinating thing, though, was that this wasn't his usual fighting style. Usually Eren was clumsy and uncoordinated and when he... 'changed', he was cocky and full of himself. He made a show of his cunning and ferocity. Right now, Eren was neither. He had all the lithe grace and ability from when he lost control, but he was obviously... In control. His eyes flickered from gold to green to gold again as he danced around the foolish men, sending them stumbling into each other. It was beautiful.

With a swift kick here and there, all of the men were sprawled on the ground, no energy left to get back up.

Eren spit on the face of the one nearest to him. "I should kill you three right now for what you tried to pull. Didn't anyone teach you that No. Means. No!" he accentuated his last words by stomping down on the stomachs of each of the helpless criminals.

"Maybe I will kill you..." he purred with a smile, placing his foot on the throat of his first attacker.

I ran out from behind the car. "Eren! What's going on? What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Eren stopped smirking down at man cowering beneath him. "Levi?"

"What... What are you?"

"What are you talking about? I'm me. I haven't shifted, if that's what you're asking."

"No. Something's different."

Eren sighed and pulled out his phone as he walked towards me. He dialed a number and said "I'll explain it when we get to your house, alright? As you can see, we're kind of in a situation right now."

I didn't know what to say. He was calm and sane, but his attitude was different. He was even more confident than usual.

"Yes, hello? Yeah, uh, I'd like to report an attempted rape? I've got the guys right here, but the victim is pretty beaten up. Yeah." He proceeded to recite the general area we were in and then hung up, even though I could hear someone on the other end yelling for him to wait and give him more details.

"Lets get going, yeah?" He crouched down by the lady that was still sobbing on the ground, whispering things in her ear that sounded like words of comfort, asking her if she was ok. She nodded, and he told her that an ambulance would be here in a few to pick her up.

He walked back towards me, but instead of stepping around the three men that lay pathetically in his way, he jumped on each of them, as if he was playing hopscotch.

"They shouldn't be getting up anytime soon, so no need to worry!" Eren called over his shoulder as he grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of the alley. I tore my wrist from his grasp and put a bit more space between us, and we walked in silence back to my place.

***

"So which Eren was that?" I asked with a sneer. "Are you a super hero now, too?"

Eren gave me an annoyed look. "I was just walking by and heard someone screaming for help, so I helped. I wasn't a 'different Eren'. It was just me."

"Not buying it, superman. Something was different. You're eyes were flickering from turquoise to gold and back again, and that is definitely not normal."

Eren flopped face first onto my couch and let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well... I may have been practicing."

I wasn't oblivious of the fact that I was being much more talkative (and much nicer) than usual, and normally I would chastise myself and close myself off again, but I couldn't help but be fascinated by Eren. He was some sort of super freak.

"Practicing what?" I inquired.

"Controlling myself. I can actually channel my weird abilities, or whatever, without going psycho killer. It took a bit of practice, but I can almost seamlessly go back and forth between my two selves." He made eye contact, a proud, determined look on his face. "I won't hurt you ever again."

I scoffed. "Eren, I don't know if you've noticed, but you're the one who always ends up on the ground. The worst you've done is broken my finger. _I_ , on the other hand, put _you_ in the hospital."

Eren flopped off the couch and onto the floor -with about as much grace as a fish on dry land- before jumping to his feet and pointing his finger towards the ceiling. "Objection!"

"Eren, what the hell-"

"Objection!" he repeated.

"Idiot, what are you-"

"Exhibit A!" Eren interrupted with a flourish, pushing his hair back so that I could get a full view of his misshapen ear, the one that had been grazed by a bullet. He made a dramatic gesture to it, as if he was trying to sell me something in an infomercial. Then, he quickly pulled up the leg of his jeans to showcase the red, jagged scar that marred his calf and named it 'exhibit B'.

"I would've gone to the hospital anyway, Levi. Just look at what those guys did to me." he explained, bringing his eyes up to meet mine. "You were only defending yourself and you may not think so, but you did the right thing. Thanks for saving me, by the way. I have a feeling I wouldn't have made it much further, even if I did manage to get out of that basement." He wiggled his fingers to show that for the most part,  they had also healed nicely.

"Something's definitely wrong with you. Shouldn't you be, like, traumatized or something? You were kidnapped, almost killed, and you can just stand here and joke about it?" Honestly, my initial curiosity had been fed, and this conversation was starting to seem pointless. I didn't care if I pissed him off, I just wanted it to be over.

"What else am I supposed to do, Levi? Hide in my room and cry about it? I got rid of all the motherfuckers who had anything to do with my mom's death, and if there are more of them, I'm confident I can handle them. I'm fucking amazing."

My eyes almost bugged out of their sockets. "You're happy about this?"

Eren looked away, avoiding the question. He was suddenly very interested in the view out the window.

"Wow. Just my luck to get stuck with a psychotic serial killer slash stalker as my tutor. Fuck me." I mumbled to myself.

Eren's expression remained neutral, but I could see the fire in his eyes, the hidden rage triggered by my choice of words. "Is that an invitation?" he drawled.

"Ha. You wish."

"I do." Eren agreed before pulling me towards the kitchen to start our session. Today, he was all business. Not even my best jokes and jabs could throw him.

We actually got work done.

***

Eren pulled on his shoes and jacket, slung his backpack over his shoulder and straightened up. His hair was slightly messy from all the times he'd run his fingers through it in an attempt to keep calm after each of my insults and stubborn refusals.

It was cute. ( _No it wasn't, shut up._ )

He turned toward the door to leave, and I called out, "Don't come back!"

Eren stopped with his hand on the door handle and slowly pivoted to face me again. His eyes softened, as if my farewell hadn't even affected him, and he looked like he was trying to restrain himself from embracing me. Instead, he cocked his head slightly to the side and spoke softly with a sad smile. "I'll always come back, because despite what you may think, I love you, Levi." With that, he turned on his heel and walked out.

I kicked the door shut behind behind him and was satisfied with the loud, resonant sound that erupted from it. I observed his slow gait as he distanced himself from my house through the rectangular window in the door. As if he knew that I was watching, he spun swiftly so that he was walking backwards and blew me a kiss before turning back around.

_I will not be affected by his charm again. Nope. No fucking way._

***

I dreamt of the ocean.

Warm, tropical waves swirling and splashing endlessly, the closest to infinite that we can get. The turquoise tide comes in and pulls me into it's trap, and I should be drowning, but it's all strangely comforting.

The gentle water caresses me from all sides. I let myself sink deeper and deeper, aware of the futility of trying to stay afloat. The only sound is a soft, loving chuckle that fills my ears. I drink it in and bask in the sound.

I could stay like this. I could forget about everything else and just relax in this sanctuary with it's magnificent soundtrack. I don't have to think. I don't have to breathe.

I let myself be engulfed and give myself up to the one word that swirls around in my head. _Eren_.

( _I don't love him. I don't._ )

***

I am ripped from the only pleasant dream that I've had in a while to the sound of my front door opening and closing rather loudly. Glancing at the clock, I realize that it's already 1:30 in the afternoon.

I feel better rested than I ever remember being. I don't have time to bask in this feeling though, because someone is loudly stomping through my house. Before I've even made it out of bed, my bedroom door is shoved open to reveal an unbalanced, giggly Eren.

"Were you still sleeping, Levi?" He slurs with a lopsided smile.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Eren laughs a whole hearted laugh. "I'm not allowed to be in a good mood?"

"Are you... Are you drunk?"

He scrunches his nose, and it's unbearably endearing. "Maybe a little..."

"Why the fuck are you in my house, drunk?"

"Well, I was just gonna drink all alone, but I figured that you could use a good time. So here I am!" he said with jazz hands. Eren dropped his backpack onto the floor and plopped down beside it, unzipping it to reveal a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. "Mn, I even spent money on the good stuff. This shit's good, real smooth."

He looked up at me with pleading eyes, begging silently for me to join him. He may have been trying to appear upbeat and carefree, but his eyes told a different story. Behind his silly attitude was a profound sadness, probably the reason that prompted this drinking binge in the first place. He looked like he needed a distraction.

"Fine." I crawled out of bed and sat down on the floor across from him. He set the two shot glasses between us and filled them.

We each downed the shot.

"Let's play some good old fashioned truth or dare!" Eren said excitedly.

"God, no."

"Yes! Yessss. After each turn, you take a shot. Okay?"

"No."

"Okay! Truth or dare, Levi?" He asked as he poured two new shots.

"Ugh, truth."

Eren gave me a look. "Pussy," he mumbled under his breath, just loud enough to hear.

I flicked him right between the eyes.

"Ow! Okay! Levi, do you..." he paused for dramatic effect, "... _Love_ me?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"No." I downed my shot.

"Harsh. You know, it's called truth or dare. You're not supposed to lie."

"What, you can't stand knowing that someone doesn't worship the ground you walk on like all your other little friends? Time to face the truth."

"Whatever." Eren mumbled.

"Truth or dare, Eren?"

He grinned. "Dare"

I thought for a moment. "I dare you to call Mikasa and tell her you have gonorrhea."

The boy didn't even miss a beat. "No problem."

Eren whipped out his phone and dialed a number, putting it on speaker so we could both listen. As it rung, he took in a few calming breaths, trying to sober up enough to get into character.

She answered on the second ring. "Eren? Where are you? Is everything alright?" She sniffled. "I know today is usually really hard for you, and-"

"Mikasa." Eren said seriously, with just a hint of hysteria in his voice.

"What?"

"I fucked up, Mikasa." I had to admit, he was doing a pretty convincing job, so far.

"...What did you do, Eren?" From the worried tone of voice, it sounded like she was expecting the worst.

"Well, uh, you see... I kept getting this burning sensation in my dick, and my piss was a weird colour, and my balls were swollen and they kind of hurt-"

" _What_ are you going on about?"

"So I went to get tested, and it turns out...." Eren paused.

"What, Eren?!"

"I have gonorrhea." Eren finally admitted shamefully.

Mikasa started screaming at him while we tried to muffle our laughter. "How did this happen? Have you been whoring around, Eren? Is that how you spend your free time these days?"

"It just kind of happened..."

"It just _happened?!_ Bullshit!"

Eren covered the receiver with his hand so that she wouldn't hear him snicker. "I just... slipped and fell into some guy's ass. My bad. But I figured, my dick's already in there, might as well fuck him."

I covered my mouth to try a stifle the laughter that tried to explode from my throat.

"You're not serious, are you!?" She seethed.

"Come on, Mikasa. What would you do if you got your cock stuck in some guys ass? Might as well make the best of a _shitty_ situation, am I right?" Eren slurred.

"Eren! Stop making bad puns and explain yourself! Who was it? Who did you fuck? You'd better tell me Eren, or so help me god-"

"It was Jean!" Eren blurted out.

Mikasa screamed out a mixture of surprise and anger. "Get your ass home right now."

She hung up.

Eren and I erupted in a loud chorus of laughter, clutching our stomachs as we rolled on the floor. Tears fell from my eyes as I tried to catch my breath.

"What about- What about Armin?" I choked out.

Eren froze. "Shit!"

We both stared at each other for a moment before bursting out in another round of chortles.

I watched as Eren pulled up Armin's contact, and texted rather messily, " **I djdnt fuckjeaan** ". And then, " **I dont hve gonorea eithr** "

"All taken care of." He giggled, threw his phone aside and then downed his shot and poured two more. "Truth or dare, short stack."

"Watch it, shit lips. Dare."

"Okay. I.... Dare... You...To go streaking."

I raised an eyebrow. "You sure you don't just want to see me naked?"

The alcohol had definitely loosened me up a bit,but I was nowhere near drunk, unlike Eren.

"That's part of it." he replied shamelessly, pushing the two shots toward me. "Drink these, it'll help."

I did. "How far?" I asked when I was done.

"To the school and back." Eren challenged as he refilled the shot glasses and pushed one last one towards me. I downed the vodka. "Fine."

 

I stood out on the street and cast Eren a look. "Are you gonna come with me, or are you too drunk to run?"

"I'm fine. I'll come."

He would probably trip and kill himself, but I wasn't going to force him to stay here and miss all the action. Hell, I was starting to feel it, too. I would probably end up sprawled out on the street, naked. _Great._

I may hate myself (Who doesn't?), but I wasn't self conscious about my body. I'm fucking hot and I know it. I languidly tugged my shirt off, and then my pants, looking over to see Eren openly ogling me.

"Watch out, Eren, you're drooling." He gave me a goofy grin.

With a deep breath, I whipped my boxers off and took off in a sprint. Eren stumbled slightly, but caught up quickly. He was in better shape than me, even if he was drunk.

The first person we passed was a mother pushing a stroller, and she screamed and covered her baby's eyes. Eren tripped and fell in the middle of his laughing fit, but I kept running.

Next, we passed an old woman who called out "You go honey!" Eren high-fived her for that one.

A few cars honked, a few angry men yelled angry insults, and some even whistled. Eren waved and high-fived cheerfully as if this was some big event.

Finally, I was running past the school, and lucky for me (not), the girl's soccer team was having a practice out in the field. No one noticed at first, but then someone screamed, "Look!" and suddenly I had a whole team of eyes on me.

Hanji recognized me first and yelled, "You go, babe!". It started a chain reaction, and soon everyone was cat calling and cheering with laughter while their coach tried desperately to regain their attention.

It was all so exhilarating, the way they cheered as Eren lifted his arms, coaxing them to be louder.

I did a front hand spring, another, and then a flip before stumbling and falling face first into the grass. The girls went crazy.

_Fuck Eren and his fucking vodka._

Soon (after I'd gotten unsteadily to my feet and took off again, which ended up taking a few tries), we'd passed the school and Eren and I looped back down another street, back towards my house. After we'd finally caught our breath, we exchanged a few more truths and dares, more laughs and more shots.

"Truth or dare?" I asked Eren, my speech heavily slurred by now.

"Truth."

"Okay." I searched for something to ask, and once again, my curiosity got the best of me. "Why are you really here?"

"What do you mean? I wanted to get drunk with my one true love. I'm still waiting for this ship to sail, you know." He leaned in close and attempted to whisper, "We're my OTP."

"You're such a fucking dork. But really, what's today? Why did Mikasa say that it's usually hard for you?"

Within seconds, Eren was crying, sobbing, and he crawled over and buried his face in my shoulder.

My shirt was damp with his tears and snot, but I didn't push him away. I pulled him in close, wrapping my arms around him tightly as he sat between my legs. Even in my inebriated state, I recognized that Eren had held me like this a number of times, no matter how many times I told him to fuck off. Deep down, I appreciated it, and I wanted to return the favour. "Shhh, Eren, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me."

Eren pulled his face out of the crook of my neck to look at me. "N-no, I'll tell you." He inhaled through his nose and exhaled out his mouth. "Today's the anniversary of my mom's death. I know I should have gotten over it already, and I shouldn't still cry like this, but every year it just hits me, you know? She's still gone, and it's still my fault. _Fuck._ "

I ran my fingers through his hair and traced a hand over the little bumps of his spine as he choked out a few more sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think? I love you guys, seriously. <3


	14. Only Shooting Stars Break The Mold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren Jaeger's (Fucking genius) Plan to get Levi back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii I'm sorry this is just a mini chapter that I was supposed to add to the last chapter, but I forgot. I promise I'll update an actual chapter ASAP

**Eren's POV**

 

I awoke curled up in Levi's arms on his bedroom floor. As soon as I opened my eyes, the light assaulted my senses and a pounding headache set in.

"Shit." I mumbled and closed my eyes again. I felt Levi stir beside me.

A sudden, violent wave of nausea washed over my body and I jumped up from the floor, pushing Levi off of me, and dashed to the bathroom, making it just in time to spill my guts into the toilet. The remnants of last night's 'party' came back up the same way it went down and it felt horrible.

When the retching stopped, I heard Levi yell from his room, "You'd better be done! Just the disgusting sound of you puking makes me want to throw up too."

Unfortunately, my stomach had other plans. 10 minutes later, I was reduced to dry heaving into Levi's once pristine toilet bowl, with nothing left to throw up. I slumped back from my position above the toilet and jumped when I found Levi standing behind me.

"Here." He shoved a glass of water into my shaky hands.

"Thanks." I croaked out hoarsely, grimacing at the scratchiness in my throat. Levi didn't move when I stood, so I had to push him out of the way to reach the sink.

I smiled when I realized that my toothbrush was still in it's spot, even after all these months. _How had he missed that?_   It was almost as if he had been waiting for me to come back all this time, whether he wanted to admit it to himself or not.

I rinsed it off thoroughly while Levi scowled at me, and then brushed my teeth and tongue to get rid of the awful flavour left in my mouth. Levi joined me shortly after, probably to get rid of his morning breath.

***

"So, do you remember everything?" Levi asked carefully. It was a loaded question.

I scrunched my nose. "Unfortunately. Look- I'm sorry for -uh- sobbing all over you and stuff. It won't happen again."

Levi just shook his head, indicating that he didn't mind. "It's nice to know that I'm not the only emotional wreck around here." He shot me a small smile.

 _He actually smiled at me. A genuine smile_.

It had been so long since I'd elicited one of those beauties from him, and it lifted my mood marginally.

"What's with that shit-eating grin? You look like an idiot."

Even his insults couldn't rip away my elation. Even though it was small, this was still a victory.

I tried to block it from my mind, but seeing him smile made me want him that much more. Unfortunately, I would feel horrible making a move on him before I knew for sure that he had forgiven me. I wanted what we had to be real and honest, my own libido be damned.

"Levi, I hope you know that I'm never going to leave you again. I swear on my life, I'll try my hardest to never make you feel like you're anything less than perfect ever again." I started earnestly.

"How many times do I have to repeat myself, brat? I _really_ don't give a shit. Save your noble speeches for someone who cares." His face relayed no emotion, no secret messages buried beneath his stoicism, but I knew better.

"I think you do care. Actually, I know you do."

Levi just sighed, not admitting to anything. "I think you should go home now."

"Please, Levi, I'm not asking you to tell me you love me, or that you even like me. Just admit that you care."

"I don't."

 _It looks like I'll have to manipulate the confession out him_.

His admittance would be the next step in my plan to get him back to me. And then, I would be able to keep him all to myself. I was riding on the fact that finally expressing his feelings out loud would make him face them head on. You can lie to yourself all you want and hide your thoughts away so deep that even you're not sure where they've gone, but once they've been said out loud, they become real, tangible things that are hard to ignore.

"Fine. I guess I won't fucking come back. I'm wasting your time, I get it. Sorry." I lied, injecting bitterness into my tone. I brushed past him and quickly tugged on my shoes.

Just as I'd expected, a strong hand squeezed mine, forcing me to drop my shoe. Levi whirled me around to face him and shoved me back against the door.

"Don't play games with me, Eren. You know I won't fall for that bullshit acting of yours."

"Ah, but I got a reaction out of you." I retorted with a cheeky smile.

Levi's expression hardened as he twisted my wrist painfully. "I thought I told you to stop toying with me." He was furious.

 _Okay, I may have fucked up_.

I sobered my face up and gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you to realize that you care about me. I won't try that again."

He paused for a moment with a contemplating look adorning his features. His brows came down in slight confusion mixed with... Hostility? Distrust?

"So what if I did care?"

I knew that I had him. "Well, I could probably get away with this..."

I easily twisted my wrist out of his grasp and flipped our positions, relishing in Levi's soft gasp just as I pressed our lips together and his back hit the door behind him. I drank in the long-awaited taste of his mouth as our lips mingled, and Levi gave me entrance without a fight, much to my delight.

 _I love being right_.

He tasted like peppermint, fresh and clean. I had one hand cupping his cheek with my fingers splayed through his hair; the other slid down to rest in the curve at the base of his back, pulling him closer.

Levi reciprocated with ease, like he wasn't even fazed by the sudden attack. He brought his hands up and linked them behind my neck so that he could pull me down and kiss me harder. He was standing on his toes, and I took a moment to appreciate how cute it was before letting my eyes flutter closed once again.

But then Levi bit my lip, not quite gently, and pushed me away from him. He brought his arm up and swiped his sleeve across his mouth, glaring at me the whole time. His pupils were dilated, saturated in lust and carnal desire, and it looked like he was torn between kicking me out or pouncing on top of me to pick up where we left off.

I'd accomplished enough for now, so I gave Levi a small smile. "I guess I'll go now."

Reaching around him for the door handle, I pulled open the heavy door. Just as I was stepping out, I looked over my shoulder and sang, "See you later Levi, I love you!" before skipping away from the house and onto the street. I didn't have to look back to know that Levi would be staring at me with a mix of contempt and bewilderment, but I took a quick peek anyways.

I laughed to myself the whole walk home, Levi's indescribably hilarious facial expression ingrained in the back of my mind.

 

 

**Eren Jaeger's ( _Fucking genius_ ) Plan to get Levi back**

_Currently disclosable information:_

**Phase 1:** Observe and learn as much as I can about Levi's whereabouts. ( _Check_ )

 **Phase 2:** Act like mind reader and freak Levi out by showing up everywhere he goes. ( _Check_ )

 **Phase 3** : Find a way to force Levi to start talking to me again. / _tutoring_ / ( _Check_ )

 **Phase 4:** Make Levi come to terms with the fact that he can't help but love me. ( _Check_ )

 **Phase 5:** **Find an excuse to snuggle with Levi. (Because damn, there is nothing in this world that compares.)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of Eren's plan?


	15. It's a Cool Place and They Say it Gets Colder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I haven't spent all this time trying to get you back just so that I could get in your pants. I did it because I want you, not your dick." (Although his dick would be nice...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took sooo long to get up. I started to do it last week, but I got kicked off the computer before I was done the final edit. sorrysorry

**Levi's POV**

 

Eren returned a few hours later, with Hanji in tow.

" _Why_?" I asked pointedly, after they had rang the doorbell repeatedly, boisterously flung the door open while laughing hysterically at some joke I hadn't heard, before finally noticing that I was standing there glaring right in front of them.

"Levi!" Hanji cried and leaped forward to encompass me in her strong arms.

I squirmed and kicked her in the shin. "Please explain to me what the hell you're trying to do before I wring your necks."

"Well, I was at Walmart, looking at the new movies for sale-" Eren began.

"And then I found him! Turns out Eren here doesn't like horror movies." Hanji butted in.

Eren visibly shivered at the mention. I wasn't sure if I should be surprised or not. Eren's life was practically a horror movie itself- and he was the psychotic serial killer. Whether this means he should be desensitized to frightening, gory scenes or not, I couldn't decide.

"So we talked, and after I realized that you and Hanji hadn't talked for a while," _-which was how I wanted it._ \- "we agreed to have a movie night with our lovely little midget." Eren finished.

_Oh, fuck no._ "Get out."

"Oh, Levi! That's no way to greet your long lost best friend."

"We're not friends." I spoke bitterly.

Hanji laughed her loud, full bellied chuckle, pretending to wipe a tear from her eye. "You're funny! But look, we bought the newest movie in that series that you love." She pulled out a shiny movie case from the plastic bag hanging from her wrist. The glossy cover showed a dark, gory scene and the title was etched across the width of the picture in a messy font.

I smiled despite myself. It'd been a while since I'd sat back and watched a good horror film.

In the plastic Walmart bag, there was also a box of microwave popcorn, a bottle of cola and a bag of licorice. Hanji made a beeline for the microwave to get the popcorn started while Eren grabbed my wrist and tugged me towards the living room. He sat me on the couch and then set up the movie.

I indulged myself and let my eyes wander to his incredible ass as he bent over to set up the DVD player. It was tightly clothed in black jeans, just the right size and shape. I just wanted to reach out and... _Stop it._

Hanji entered the room a few minutes later with two bowls of popcorn. She handed one bowl to me and then went to get comfortable in the big, plush chair that was positioned on the right side of my TV. Eren came and plopped himself down on the opposite side of the couch, keeping lots of space between us. He pressed play and then sunk into the cushions with a soft sigh.

I redirected my attention to the TV in front of me, letting myself get into the movie. Before long, I was enraptured in the complex storyline, no longer aware of my surroundings. That is, until the first jump scare came up, and I felt Eren jerk in fright.

I reluctantly tore my eyes away from the screen. Eren was clutching the quilt that he'd snuggled up with in his hands, holding it up to cover half his face. He was shaking, just slightly, and his eyes were wide.

I chuckled softly and tried to pay attention to the film, but I found it excedingly hard because every time Eren got scared, he'd inadvertently scoot a little closer to me. I tried to ignore it, but that turned out to be useless.

On the screen, a frightened little girl was making her way timidly through an abandoned house. Little scratching noises and knocking sounds came from all directions, but she just soldiered on like the stupid kid she was. She pushed past a creaky door, and intense, suspenseful music played while she crept up to the closet. Slowly, and then all at once, she tugged open the closet door, only to find it empty.

With a huff of relief, the naive little girl turned on her heel to explore the rest of the house, only to be found face to face with a pale, deformed man with bloody hands and a crazed look in his eyes. Eren buried his head in my shoulder as the girl screamed, digging his fingers into my arm.

"Ow, fucktard, get off of me."

"No." Eren defiantly replied into my neck.

I tried to pry his hands from my arm but he just moved them so that he had his arms wrapped around my shoulders instead. "Eren!" I complained, and pulled his head from it's place in the crook of my neck. The green-eyed boy flopped over, purposely, so that he was now sitting across my lap with his back facing the arm rest nearest to me. He gripped the fabric covering my chest with clenched fists, hiding his face in my other shoulder. His legs curled so that I was pretty much trapped beneath my psycho-killer tutor who couldn't handle a simple scary movie.

I gave up trying to resist and wrapped my arms around Eren to support his back and hold him close. I felt Eren smile triumphantly into my shoulder, but I let it be, choosing not to let it piss me off.

Eren didn't move for the rest of the movie, perfectly content to be held in my arms. When it was over, I shook him lightly to see if he was awake.

A soft "Huh?" fell from his lips as he reared his head to look up at me with sleepy eyes.

"You're such a baby."

A small grin played on his lips as Eren sat up slightly so that his face was level with mine. A quick glance at Hanji confirmed my suspicions; she was out cold, snoring loudly in her awkward and uncomfortable looking position on the big chair.

Flicking my eyes back to the boy in my lap, I was just in time to see him lean forward and claim my lips with his. Part of me wanted to shove him to the ground and laugh at the flustered scowl he would gift me with, but the more dominant half wanted to enjoy these soft lips that I craved constantly. In the end, I let myself succumb to Eren's experienced tongue, breathing in his enticing musk.

Eren's hands slid up my chest to wrap around my neck, and he shifted his position, bringing one leg to the other side of my body so that he was straddling me.

My eager hands explored the tight muscles along his back, pulling him in close. I took control of the kiss, sliding my tongue into Eren's mouth and I was delighted to find it that it was slightly sweet; he had eaten over half the bag of licorice within the first ten minutes of the movie, and I could still taste it on his tongue.

Surprisingly, Eren didn't fight me for control at all and I took it as a peace offering, to which I thanklessly accepted.

Eren ground his hips down, making me gasp and break the kiss, but his lips pressed back on mine right away. We fell into a hot, needy rhythm, with Eren rocking on my lap and my own hips thrusting desperately up to meet him.

We weren't being anywhere near quiet. It had been so long since I got to fully feel his warmth, and I didn't hold back. Every lusty moan and gasp that fell from his lips egged me on, and vice versa. Unfortunately, even though Hanji isn't a light sleeper, I knew that at this rate, she'd wake up at any moment.

Without a second thought, I slipped my hands down to Eren's perfect ass and lifted us both from the couch. He was heavier than I'd thought, but I was slowly getting my strength back -thanks to the meals that Eren had been forcing down my throat- and I was able to carry him to my room without even breaking our sloppy kiss.

We reached my bed and I didn't even try to be graceful, I just dropped him onto the crisp sheets and let myself fall too, landing on top of him. I crawled up, one knee on each side of Eren's hips, and ground my crotch down on his. We were both desperate for friction, our needy bulges becoming bigger and harder behind the fabric that kept them contained.

I leaned back slightly, enjoying Eren's unbelievably sexy face -the way he bit his lip and never took his eyes off me, as if I was the only thing worth looking at- as I rubbed my ass down on his cock. I let a smirk lift my lips, admiring the way I could make the annoyingly self-assured and overly confident boy fall apart beneath me.

Eren saw my amusement and narrowed his eyes, pushing his hands up my shirt and then quickly pulling it over my head. His strong hands snaked down and captured my own, flipping us over so that he had full control. He had me trapped with my hands pinned over my head, and Eren's lust-filled gaze told me that I wouldn't be freed too easily.

I felt the slick warmth of his tongue as he leaned down to sensually lick the shell of my overly-sensitive ear, making me shudder. The low chuckle that escaped Eren's lips indicated that he'd discovered my weak spot, and he whispered breathily, "I've waited so long for this. For you, Levi."

And then his lips were on mine, but this time the kiss was sweet and controlled, unlike the desperate, sloppy ones we'd been sharing before. It radiated love and tenderness, and the change of pace was unexpectedly refreshing. He pulled and nipped and sucked at my bottom lip and would sometimes break the kiss to rub his nose against mine sweetly in an eskimo kiss, as if he wanted to cherish this moment as long as possible.

I lost myself in it all; every curl of Eren's tongue, every fleeting caress and every breathless word that he whispered onto my swollen lips dragged me further down, lured me closer to what I'd tried so hard to get away from. I was drowning, but I still retained the urge to fight back.

After a moment, I turned my head sharply to block his lips from mine and he backed off, giving me a confused look.

"For your information," I tried my hardest to sound stern and decisive, I really did, "I still haven't forgiven you." Unfortunately, it came out sounding breathless and weak.

Eren's soft, sincere eyes held mine as he relinquished his hold on my wrists. He brought one of my hands to his lips, gently kissing each of my fingers before setting the hand down and leaning in. Starting at my ear, he kissed the sweet spot just behind it and traveled kisses down my jaw while I waited patiently for what I'd said to be acknowledged.

Eren stopped when he reached my chin, pressed one more chaste kiss on my swollen lips and then rested his forehead against mine. He kept his beautiful, blue-green eyes open and kept them trained on mine.

I expected something sincere, or something cheesy, but what I got was a cheeky smile. "If you forgive me," He trailed a finger down my jaw line as he whispered in a husky voice. "I'll let you top."

Somehow, the fact that he was willing to submit to me, even though I could tell that he would much rather take control, was more comforting than any bullshit apologies and excuses that he could spew from his expert lips. Still, I couldn't help but add with my usual sass, "You'll _let_ me? Dipshit, you were going to bottom whether you wanted to or not."

We resumed our kiss with full force, no longer wasting any time. I trailed my hands down Eren's delicious curves until I reached the hem of his shirt. In one swift motion, the black band Tee was over his head and thrown to the floor before Eren could think of stopping me. (Not that he would.) Next, I moved to unbutton his impossibly tight black jeans -which made his ass look heavenly- and unzip his fly. Eren wiggled as I pulled the pants down his legs, putting his weight on his elbows so that he could help me take them off. All that was left were his tight boxer-briefs, and I admired the fact that he'd worn all black today. It took commitment to cover yourself completely in a color that was the absolute opposite of your personality.

My fingers hooked in the the elastic waistband, but I hesitated. The last time I'd had sex, it hadn't been the most ideal situation. Back then, I'd just been a shiny new toy for an old -yet unfairly attractive- man to use and then throw away. I didn't have any actual value.

Right now, I couldn't tell for sure if history was simply repeating itself, or if miraculously, Eren actually loved me like he claimed. I didn't know if going through with this would change things. Would it mean that Eren had won?

I felt like I'd be losing the game we'd been playing, and with it I'd lose the last bit of dignity and self respect I had left. How could I forgive someone who openly tried to manipulate and control me?

I couldn't deny the fact that Eren knew me better than anyone else, especially not when I met his eyes and found them analyzing me with an air of complete understanding. "Levi, I really do love you." Eren stated, as if he had read my mind. "I won't push you to go any further than you want to go, because I haven't spent all this time trying to get you back just so that I could get in your pants. I did it because I want you, not your dick. So if you want to stop, at any time, just let me know, okay?"

I didn't smile, or tear up, or tell him that I loved him back. That wasn't really my forte and he knew it. Instead, I narrowed my eyes ever-so-slightly in challenge, letting him know that I wouldn't be the one to back down. If I was going to go through with this, it wouldn't be half-assed. I wasn't going to be a simple fuck; we were going to make love.

His boxers were around his ankles before the boy above me knew what was happening, and as he gasped and gave me a mildly shocked look -most likely because of the sudden change of pace- I took advantage of his disorientation and flipped us over once again.

I appraised the naked body with hooded eyes, following the curves of his toned muscles and bringing them down to the erection that demanded attention, pressing up against my own fully-clothed need. I scooted back a bit on Eren's legs to give myself room to work, and brought a hand to Eren's length.

I let Eren's gasps and moans wash over me as I pumped, thumbing over his slit and smearing the beads of precum that I found there.

"L-levi- mn- pants. Take off your pants!"

I acquiesced, letting go of him so that I could quickly undo my fly and wiggle out of my restricting jeans. I had Eren's full attention -he was practically drooling- as I kneeled over him in only my boxers and hooked my thumbs in the waistband. Slowly, I uncovered myself, letting the clothing slip down around my knees. Finally, I kicked the boxers off and we were both left there, completely naked.

Eren was looking at me like I was the most breathtakingly beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and it gave me a slight ego boost. "You're so beautiful." Eren murmured. "I'm glad I'm sober enough to appreciate it this time."

And then it was as if both of us simultaneously decided that it was time to get things going. I couldn't wait anymore, and it didn't look like he could either.

I leaned over and pulled open the top drawer of my bedside table, extracting a small bottle of lube and a condom. Our positions shifted so that one of Eren's legs was resting on my shoulder. After coating my fingers in lubricant, I teasingly circled one finger around Eren's hole, smiling at the way it twitched, begging for me to enter. Apparently, Eren was not in the mood for waiting, because he scooted his ass forward and enveloped my single digit in his asshole.

"Impatient, are we?"

"Yes!" Eren breathed out.

Complying to his unspoken demand, my finger began to thrust in and out, letting him adjust. From what I could tell, Eren didn't take it up the ass often, if at all, and I wanted to make sure he enjoyed it.

I leaned over and sucked at his collar bone as I slipped another digit in, trying to distract him as best I could. A little bruise bloomed on his skin and I moved on to another spot on his shoulder while my fingers scissored and stretched inside him. I enjoyed marking him, making him mine. I sought out ways to sully him with my essence, to dirty him. Shamelessly, i wished to ruin him, to make him undesirable. That way, he wouldn't be able to leave me.

With a third finger inside Eren, I started to feel him respond eagerly to my thrusts, wanting more. I crooked my fingers, searching for that spot that could make him see stars. Eren let out a cry, and I knew I'd found it. My fingers brushed over it again and again, relishing in Eren's gasps of pleasure.

"E-Enough! Fuck me, Levi. Please!" he gasped.

At this point, I was so aroused it was almost painful, so I could hardly deny his desperate request. He whimpered as I pulled my fingers out of him, mourning the feeling of being full. I glanced at the condom beside me, but brushed it aside and covered my dick with lube. I wanted to fill Eren. I wanted to feel him.

I lined my tip up at his entrance, but I didn't even have time to tease the older boy. He gave a grunt of impatience and thrust his hips forward, once again taking matters into his own hands and swallowing me. Unfortunately for Eren, I wasn't small, and we both cried out at the sudden sensation.

I moaned because it felt so good, so warm and tight. Eren cried out in pain as I practically split him open.

_What a moron. It's his own damn fault._

I pushed the rest of the way into him at a snail's pace, trying desperately not to cause him any more pain.

Finally, I was in, and I fought to remain still for Eren's sake. After a moment, Eren barked, "Move!"

I pulled back, so that just my tip was left inside of him before pushing back in. I kept this slow pace, biting and sucking at the flawless flesh of Eren's neck and shoulders until he could adjust.

I shamelessly covered him in small hickies and bite marks, claiming the boy as my own.

Our pace quickened when I felt Eren begin to thrust upward, meeting my movements fervently. He didn't hold back, letting every moan fall from his lips without restraint, and I basked in it. I found myself responding in kind, making my own variety of sinful noises.

I switched up my angle, and Eren shouted. I smiled at my rediscovery of Eren's prostate, thrusting into it again and again as he unraveled so magnificently beneath me, repeating my name like it was the only word he knew.

"F-Faster!"

I didn't disappoint, pounding into him with all I had. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge, and I wrapped my hand around Eren's length to make sure that he came soon as well. His hair was plastered to his face with sweat, his eyes almost lolling back into his head, his mouth was open in a silent cry and it was all so erotic. So enticing, so inviting, so irresistible.

I claimed his mouth with mine as I released inside of him, and after hitting his g-spot one last time, I felt the warmth of his own come spread over our stomachs. We both rode out our orgasms for as long as we could, breathing eachother's names, and then I collapsed limply on top of Eren, panting heavily.

Reluctantly, I pulled out of him; I didn't want to break our only physical connection, the only thing keeping the love of my life tethered to me.

I matched my heavy breathing to his while we laid in our own mess, our sweaty skin sticking us together. This was my favourite part; not being able to tell who's sweat and filth was who's, almost as if you were one person. It could have been gross, but it wasn't, because we were so wrapped up in the euphoria that came with making love to the one who holds your heart in his hands.

We couldn't stay like this though, and I didn't want to wake up crusty and gross in the morning, so I picked myself up and got to my feet.

Eren looked over at me sleepily, giving me a content smile. I openly smiled back, enjoying this glorious afterglow.

When I returned from the bathroom, no longer covered in stickiness and with a damp cloth dangling from my fingers, Eren was sitting up; brow furrowed as he looked at what he held in his hands with a curious expression.

He looked up as I approached the bed. "Levi, how come you didn't use a condom?" He asked, not angrily, as he held up my abandoned condom for me to see.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks as the truth shamefully came to mind. "I don't have any fucking STD's, if that's why you're asking."

"No-It's just, you brought it out like you intended to use it, but you changed your mind. Why?"

I reached the bed and began wiping Eren off, avoiding the question. I could say that condom's were uncomfortable, or something like that, but I had a feeling he would be able to see through any lie I told him.

"Levi."

I tore my gaze from where I was wiping the inside of his thigh and locked my eyes on his. Eren raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"I just want you to be mine." I muttered. "I want to make you mine in every way that I can. I want to fill you with myself, to ruin you and make you filthy, so that you can't-" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "So that you can't ever leave me."

My eyes popped open when I felt arms wrap around me, pulling me down so that Eren could cuddle me close. I didn't fight him; I rested my head on his chest and threw my leg over his while he embraced me tightly.

"I won't ever leave. I promise."

I smiled at the reassurance and felt any trace of anxiety leave my body. He didn't think I was crazy, or creepy. _He understood_.

"I'm yours, Levi." he whispered as I drifted off. "And you're mine. All mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides in a hole*  
> Was it ok??
> 
>  
> 
> So I shoulda added this a while ago, but check out this lovely [fan art](http://heichousbando.tumblr.com/post/81297489219/sooo-first-time-drawing-some-smut-ish-this-is%0A) courtesy of oKanon. It's beautiful and I love it.


	16. You're Bundled Up Now But Wait 'til You Get Older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well? Come and kick my ass already, man. I don't have all day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, I managed to get another chapter up in just over a week. Hell yeah

**Eren's POV**

 

"Levi, baby, you've gotta get up. I'm not letting you miss any more school."

I'd only just woken up myself and luckily, my inner alarm clock didn't fail me this time. We still had plenty of time to get to school.

Levi groaned and flopped an arm over his eyes, a barrier between him and the rest of the world. "Go away, shit-dick."

"Hey now, you're the one who had his dick up my ass, so I wouldn't be talking if I were you." I taunted.

"Ugh, five more minutes Eren. Just _shut up_."

I sat with my legs crossed and tangled in the blankets as Levi complained beside me. I didn't want to let him get away with sleeping in, so I poked him repeatedly on the cheek until he used the hand that was shielding his face to shove me away.

"Fine!" he huffed and threw the blankets off of him, jumping out of bed.

I moved to stand with him, but the unexpectedly painful soreness in my muscles stopped me. I let out a yelp and froze where I was, halfway between sitting and standing. My lower back and thigh muscles hurt like a bitch.

Levi tossed a glance over his shoulder and smirked at my awkward stance, stiff with pain. He turned on his heel and met me on my side of the bed, heaving me up and cradling my naked body in his arms.

"School doesn't start for a few hours. We have enough time to take a bath together, if you want." Levi asked in his usual bored tone, but I detected a hint of sheepishness.

"Hell yes." I agreed with a grin.

Levi set me down on the toilet seat and fiddled with the hot and cold taps, testing the water that flowed from the faucet and into the bathtub to find just the right temperature. When he finally seemed satisfied, he plugged the drain and poured a bit of soap into the water. It foamed up wonderfully. The tub filled rather quickly and soon Levi had my hands in his, pulling me up so that he could coax me into the bath.

He sunk down into the water first, spreading his porcelain legs so that I had room to sit between them. I let myself down into the water with as much grace as I could muster, which wasn't much.

I thanked Levi's rich ass parents for the fact that they refused to live any way but luxuriously, from their huge flat screen TVs to their extra large soaker tub that had enough room to accommodate both Levi and I comfortably.

I reclined into Levi's chest, closing my eyes and sighing at the relief that the hot water gave my aching muscles. I was a bit surprised when I felt a soapy sponge run down my arm, but I didn't stir. I let Levi cleanse me with his delicate hands.

One might think that this should be a sexual thing, two naked gay men in a bath, but somehow, it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, Levi is the sexiest man I've ever met, but right now was different. Our time wasn't ruined by sexual tension and frustration; it was sweet and blissful. Almost dreamlike. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

There was always that underlying feeling of dread, though: Waiting for when this perfect picture shatters and leaves you worse off than before. How can you relax when you have no idea what lies ahead?

I've never been one to cower away when faced with a challenge, even when you have no way of knowing the outcome. I may loose sight of what I really want, but I always find my resolve sooner or later. I won't just wait for Levi to be taken away from me. I'll fight for the one I love with everything I have.

 

***

 

Possible reasons and ways that could cause Levi to leave me flew through my head non stop. It could be the silliest thing -like someone who's eyes lingered on him for too long could be trying to steal him for themselves, or if I talked to Armin too much, it could cause Levi to feel jealous- but each thought that crossed my mind set me on edge. I was aware that I was being overly possessive, but I couldn't stop. I have a one track mind and it can't be derailed.

"So does this mean you're my boyfriend?" I asked as we settled into my car so that I could drive us to school.

"Call it what you want." He answered with a dismissive flip of his hand, though the way his eyes widened slightly made me think that he was almost giddy at the thought.

I smiled at my victory and started the car.

 

***

 

At lunch, I found Levi talking with Hanji as they walked towards the lunchroom together. I didn't feel like running to catch up to them so I decided to follow them and say hi when they stopped at a table.

The two friends reached their usual table, one with a bunch of... really weird people. One of them was always sniffing others and most of the time, he would make unimpressed or disgusted faces at whatever he smelled. Another kid had dark hair that came to a point near the back of his head, and the guy sitting beside him bit his tongue whenever he tried to join the conversation.

Levi slid into a seat next to a pretty, petite girl with ginger-brown hair, and Hanji sat on his other side. Across from Levi was the guy with the pointy hair, who smiled and greeted both of the newcomers.

Was it just me, or did pointy-head's gaze linger a little too long on my Levi? Not to mention the girl sitting beside Levi who was leaning into him and giving him a 100-watt smile. I clenched my jaw in my effort to try and stay calm, and not yell profanities from halfway across the cafeteria. With stiff limbs, I stalked up to their table.

Ignoring Levi's probing look, I walked around to his side of the long table and lifted him from his chair, sliding into it before placing Levi back down on my lap. My arms snaked around the small boy's middle and held him tightly. Surprisingly, Levi didn't try to get away from me like I'd expected. He just relaxed into my grip and my mouth cracked into a smile.

Both of us were getting weird looks from the rest of Levi's companions. They were all silent until Hanji exclaimed, "Ooh you two are too cute! You know..." She lowered her voice and leaned in to elbow my side mockingly, whispering, "You're lucky I didn't barge in on your little love fest last night. I debated it -you deserve it for making me wake up to the disgusting noises y'all were making- but I am a thoughtful and compassionate person, so I let it slide this time."

I inhaled sharply, which resulted in a coughing fit that made my fragile little boyfriend bounce up and down with every quake. This made Hanji cackle in amusement, and both of us glared daggers at the crazy woman.

I felt bad that I'd completely forgotten that Hanji had slept at Levi's last night, and wondered when she'd left. I decided now was not the time to ask, though.

Fortunately, Hanji spoke so quickly and quietly that no one else caught what she said. It was an admirable skill to have. Our audience was still staring open mouthed at the display, -Hanji's excitement, my coughing fit and Levi's willingness to be touched by another person- unsure of whether they should laugh or demand what was happening.

I wasn't one to beat around the bush, so I volunteered an explanation while at the same time making a point to assert my position. I didn't want anyone to have any doubts that Levi was mine. "Hey, I'm Levi's boyfriend-"

Pointy-head did a spit take, milk spraying all over the table while the blond guy who was always sniffing people just gave us a knowing smirk, as if he had sensed it right away. Levi shuddered at the disgusting reaction.

"Levi? A boyfriend? Levi barely even has friends! We have to force him to even sit with us." Shouted Pointy-head.

The petite girl next to us pouted, but soon realized what she was doing and coaxed her face back into a friendly mask. Her overbearing smile didn't reach her eyes as she squeaked, "Hi! I'm Petra. We're so glad to see that Levi is blossoming and finally coming out of his shell a bit, uh..."

"Eren. Eren Jaeger." I said with an equally fake smile.

Petra proceeded to introduce the rest of the table and I received a variety of half hearted waves and disbelieving smiles. Levi was tense in my lap, disliking the prying eyes that now had him captured.

We were interrupted by a angry shout that came from behind us."Eren! Where the hell have you been?!"

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath as I let my head fall to rest in the crook of Levi's neck. His shoulders shook gently with laughter.

I'd completely forgotten to talk to Mikasa and Armin about my stupid, drunk phone call. I haven't been home in a few days and my phone is currently lying on Levi's bedside table, dead. I cringed at the thought of all the missed calls and angry messages I'd most likely received.

Craning my neck to see behind me, I saw Mikasa stomping towards us looking sufficiently pissed off, with Armin trailing behind. I felt myself shrinking back, a defense mechanism against the tyrant that was my sister when she was angry. I tried to disappear, but sadly, I was not a magician.

The angry squeal of sneakers stopped abruptly and I felt a hand clench my shoulder. "Eren," came the intimidating voice, "Look at me."

My head rose and I flicked my bangs out of my face so that I could see Mikasa clearly, trying to convey an apology through my facial expression. I silently pleaded with her to not make a big deal out of this in front of everyone. I may carry myself with more confidence than most, but even I would be humiliated if my sister started yelling about certain STDs that I may or may not have contracted in front of the whole school.

I carefully scooted out from underneath Levi so that I could face my impatient sister. Once I was standing, I turned to Mikasa and started cautiously, "I can explain."

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow, urging me to elaborate further. It was evident that she was trying really hard to keep a reign on her temper; she looked a few seconds from bursting with accusations. Armin stood nervously at her side, clearly itching for an explanation as well.

"Levi and I were just having some fun, ok? It was a joke. I didn't sleep with jean," I cast Armin a look, and then lowered my voice so that no one else would here the last part of my sentence. "and I don't have gonorrhea. I swear."

My friends visibly deflated in relief when they heard my reassurances. Armin's lips curled in a grateful smile and Mikasa let out a long breath. I was off the hook. Or so I'd thought.

Suddenly Mikasa had her hand fisted in my shirt, a look of absolute loathing in her eyes. She shoved me back against the table, right beside where Levi was sitting. His mirthful expression dance through my field of vision before he was blocked by Mikasa.

"So you're telling me... That I worried about you all weekend over some prank?!"

"Uh... Yeah. Sorry." Mikasa's arm wound up and I flinched, squeezing my eyes closed in anticipation for my well deserved punishment. Seconds flew by, but my face registered no pain.

Timidly, my eyes slit open enough to see that Mikasa's hand had been caught mid swing by my boyfriend, who happened to be giving her a glare that could melt ice.

Confusion flooded my sister's eyes as she stared at her wrist being held in Levi's vice-like grip. She seemed to come to her senses and stepped back from the table so that I could stand up straight once again.

"Sorry," she huffed. "That was uncalled for."

Levi scoffed. "Damn right it was."

I watched their tense exchange silently, still in shock.

Mikasa's eyes narrowed as they landed on Levi, giving him a poisonous look. "I wasn't talking to you, midget."

I snapped out of it just in time to keep Levi from saying anything stupid, because by the looks of it, he had a long string of insults perched on his tongue, just waiting to be unleashed. This was one fight that I didn't want to see. "Come on guys, there's no need for animosity!" I interrupted, "Mikasa, I'm sorry for being an asshole. It won't happen again, I promise. And Levi," I turned to the boy that I couldn't stand to see hurt or provoked. "She didn't mean it, love. Let it go."

Levi let out a huff and turned back to his lunch.

"Are we in some kind of teen drama or something?" I heard Pointy-head, or Gunter, whisper to Erd. "What the hell is going on?"

I apologized again to my sister and best friend, and they looked like they wanted me to join them for lunch, but I cut Armin off before he could ask.

"Well, I guess I'll finish eating with Levi then."

I saw Armin's face fall from the corner of my eye as I turned, dismissing them. Levi's chair scraped loudly as I pulled it back and plopped down on his lap, despite his immediate complaints. Levi's shout of, "Get off of me, fat ass!" drowned out the sound of dejected footsteps retreating further and further from where I sat.

A pang of guilt shot threw me. I knew that I was spending little to no time with Mikasa and especially Armin, but there was a reason for it. I had to watch over Levi.

Before I could beat myself up about it, I banished all thoughts from my head and looked down at Levi  -who was being crushed beneath me- with a grin. I had my arms wrapped around his neck with my legs dangling off the side of the chair.

"It seems that my presence is unwanted. Should I leave you alone with these idiots, then?" I asked teasingly, and we both knew I wouldn't. Someone cried an indignant, "Hey!" at the insult as Levi and I challenged each other silently with our eyes.

I analyzed the stormy grey that I never seemed to tire of, always finding a new, minuscule detail that I'd managed to overlook before. God, he was just so perfect, it hurt.

Our stalemate was broken as my lips crashed down to meet his, desperate to satiate the deep hunger that I felt whenever my gaze fell upon him. Levi responded just as hungrily. We kissed as if this would be the last time, begging for more than either of us could give.

"Get a room!" Hanji mocked. Someone from across the room hooted and we were suddenly aware that we had an audience.

I pulled back slowly, my eyes falling open lazily and I appreciated the sight before me. A soft pink dusted Levi's cheeks and his pupils were dilated and watching me with his undivided attention while he held me tightly, almost possessively. I placed one more peck on his pink lips just as the bell rang, signaling the he end of the lunch period.

"Well, that was interesting." Levi muttered as we exited the lunch room, hand in hand.

 

***

 

"Hey, Eren!" Someone shouted as i made my way to my locker after the final bell had dismissed everyone from their classes. I turned and roved my eyes over the sea of people behind me, searching for the source of that call.

Armin dodged around teenagers of all sizes and quickly landed at my side with a whoosh of his breath. "Eren." he puffed, looking up at me with a hopeful expression. "Do you wanna do something with me after school?"

I bit my lip, coaxing my face into a sorry expression and lied through my teeth. "Oh, uh, sorry Armin. I actually have plans with Levi." _Or at least now I do._

Armin nodded vigorously, trying desperately not to look disapointed but I could see it, anyways. It hurt me to be so detached and dismissive with my own best friend, but I had to do it. I had to separate myself from him, for Levi's sake. If their was a possibility that Armin could make Levi jealous, then I just had to eliminate that possibility. It was simple, really.

"Ok then. I guess I'll head home." Armin said awkwardly as he scratched the back of his neck, unsure of how to conduct himself, but I was already looking past him to the raven-haired boy that doddled down the hall behind Armin.

"Yeah." I muttered, not even quite sure if he'd said anything more, and set off towards my boyfriend, dodging Armin's small frame. "See ya later, Armin."

Levi looked up when we were just a few steps from eachother, and his expression softened immediately. "Hey asswhipe."

I smiled. "It's ok if I come over right after school, right?"

Levi gave me a look, like I was stupid for even asking. "Of course."

My grin only widened as I fell into step with the shorter boy, both of us headed towards my car. "How are your classes going?"

"Shitty as ever." Levi complained. "They gave me more shit to do."

I guessed that he meant they gave him more homework. "Stop being such a baby. We can get it done tonight."

Levi sagged, muttering, "I was hoping that you'd forgotten about tutoring."

I chuckled. "You shouldn't get your hopes up, sweetie."

The sky was a bright blue today, with almost no clouds marring it's surface. The wind was reduced to a gentle breeze that ruffled my bangs, but didn't do much else. The comfortable silence between Levi and I as we walked through the parking lot was filled with the varied noises that teenagers made. Laughter, yelling and general rowdiness.

I found myself grateful that I'd found someone who didn't have a constant need to be in motion or to be loud. Levi was peaceful compared to this bunch of dip shits.

Halfway through the parking lot, I was startled from my thoughts by one of said dip shits. "Hey, faggots!"

Levi and I both turned to locate the offender. A bulky guy, surrounded by his group of cronies, was closing the distance between us with his slow, confident gait. He was obviously one of those ass holes who thinks that he 'rules the school.'

"What? Did you need me to teach you how to suck a dick?" I raked my eyes up and down his figure, scrunching my nose in disgust. "Honestly, I can't imagine anyone who would want your services anyway, so you might as well head home, buddy."

The guy's eyes narrowed, while Levi just crossed his arms and leaned against a mini van that was parked right beside us, looking bored as ever.

"What did you say?" the man spat. "I ought to kick your pansy ass right now."

I barked out a sarcastic laugh. "You're free to give it a try."

I heard Levi sigh beside me as the bulky guy removed his jacket and tossed it to one of his buddies.

"You asked for it." he said with a sneer, and his friends laughed and shouted things like, "You're in for it now!" and, "This kid's about to get his ass kicked!" A few of them even pulled out their phones so that they could film the action.

I gently settled my backpack down beside Levi, as well as my light jacket. Turning back to the viscous guy behind me, I gave him a doubtful look, trying to provoke him. "Well? Come and kick my ass already, man. I don't have all day."

I couldn't say that I wasn't enjoying myself.

He composed himself into a loose fighting stance while I stood with my arms crossed and my eyebrow raised. I could tell he was getting fed up with my nonchalance, and he finally reached his limit.

The man charged forward, winding his fist up to hit me with a quick punch to the face. By the look on his face, I could tell that he didn't think he would miss. Unfortunately for him, I lived for proving ignorant assholes wrong, and that's what I did.

When fighting, cowardice gets you no where. If you shy away from an attack, you will only put yourself into an even worse position, where you can easily be dominated. Being overly headstrong and only relying on brute strength can also have it's setbacks, because most people end up getting carried away and stop using their brains altogether. That's how I knew I had an advantage over this guy; he was only fighting with his muscles.

Instead of stepping away from his advance, I stepped towards him, spreading my feet in a loose fighting stance with my toes pointed inwards, towards each other. Using this stance, when my attacker came at me with all his strength, I easily spun counterclockwise, forwards and out of the way, so that I ended up behind him.

Momentarily stunned at the sudden absence of his prey, the homophobe just stood there staring at the empty space in front of him, confused. It was pretty funny, and it got even funnier when he growled at the sound of my chuckle, which only made me laugh harder.

Sometimes I think that I could stand to be a little less condescending with my opponents, but really, this was too easy.

"Hey asshole, what's your name?" I asked as he whirled around and glared at me.

"Dante." He spat.

"Let me ask you a question, _Dante_." My lips curled around the name as if it left a bad taste in my mouth. "Is there anything going on up there," I asked, tapping my temple to indicate what I was talking about. "or have you already killed off most of your brain cells?"

Dante didn't dignify my snide question with a response, but he huffed a breath through his nose and resumed his fighting stance. However, before he could make a move, I kicked my right leg up in the air to give me momentum as I jumped, spun, and then finally kicked Dante across the face with the bottom of my left foot before landing back on the ground.

Dante fell over and didn't move.

I was met with a chorus of " _Ohh!"_ s and " _Holy shit_!"s.

I heard a "Tch", presumably from Levi, and looked over in time to hear him mumble just loud enough for me to hear, "Show off."

Turning to my spectators, I gave a theatrical bow as I heard the scraping of shoes on gravel indicating that Dante was still conscious and getting to his feet.

An abrupt sound, the friction of a quick step on concrete and gravel, alerted me to the fact that my opponent was about to try to attack me again. I was curious as to what he would try, so I waited for him to reach me, pretending to be oblivious.

This guy was too predictable. Just as I'd presumed, he went for my neck, wrapping his arm around so that I was caught in the crook of his elbow. He tightened his hold to try to choke me, but I knew how to escape from this one easily.

I lifted my leg and put all my force into kicking his knee backwards, which made him bellow in pain and keen forward. We were both bent over, with most of his weight on my back, so I placed my hands on the elbow and shoulder of the arm that held me and gripped them tight before throwing our weight forward and flipping Dante onto his back.

This time he didn't get up.

Levi pushed up from where he was leaning against the van as I wiped my palms on my jeans, and we left without a word, surrounded by the awed faces of the crowd that had formed around us.

"Did you have fun satisfying your ego?" Levi inquired as I put the keys into the ignition, after we'd walked in silence the rest of the way to the car and climbed in. He didn't sound like he was angry with me for putting on such a show, it was something else. He was upset about something.

"Actually, I did. Thanks for asking."

All I got in response was a small sigh.

Instead of backing out of our parking space, one of my hands moved from its place on the steering wheel to brush Levi's hair from his face. I ran my fingers through the soft, dark locks and smiled when I felt Levi lean into my touch. "What's wrong, Levi?"

His head fell against the window and he stared out of it blankly, blatantly ignoring my question.

My fingers extricated themselves from Levi's hair and came down to grasp Levi's chin. I held him firmly and turned his head so that he would look at me. My lips brushed against his as I leaned down for a chaste kiss, and then I repeated my question.

"It's nothing, I'm being stupid. Forget it." Levi grumbled.

"If something's bothering you, it can't be nothing. You feel what you feel, and you can't help it. So if you think that I'm going to judge you, you're wrong."

"Jesus christ, Eren, you sure love to hear yourself speak." Levi was still evading my question.

I gave him a sterm look. "Levi."

Our eyes met and we trapped each other in a tense stand off, neither of us wanting to relent. Unfortunately for Levi, he knew that I hated to lose and that I don't give up easily.

He sighed and he was the first to look away in defeat, down at his hands which were kneaded together. After taking in a slow breath, Levi asked quietly, "Why do you seek that kind of attention?"

I cocked my head in confusion. I mean, sure, maybe I liked to have the spotlight on me and I didn't actively hide from curious eyes, but I didn't see that as a bad thing.

"Why do you need those people's attention when you have me?" Levi whispered, and then his eyes widened slightly as if he was surprised that he'd spoken his insecurities out loud.

When I first met Levi, he was closed off and hostile, but I was pleased to see that he trusted me so completely that the truth literally fell from his lips without his permission. Each little victory like this sent a torrent of butterflies through my stomach and it was a definite turn on.

My hand grasped his and squeezed it once, letting him know that I wasn't thinking any less of him after his confession. After I retracted my hand, I put the car in reverse and sped out of the parking lot as quickly as possible.

I needed to get Levi in bed and I needed him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, my boys are both yandere little shits. In their own ways, of course.


	17. But The Media Men Beg To Differ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi's past finally tries to bite him in the ass, but Eren saves the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayy this chapter is a wee bit short, but yeah. enjoy.  
> or don't.  
> it may not be enjoyable, I guess we'll see.

**Levi's POV**

 

My naked back rested against the cold headboard of my bed and I enjoyed the soothing effect that it had on my feverish skin. A cigarette dangled from my lips and Eren was curled up against my side, snoring cutely. Post-coital fatigue pulled at my consciousness too, but I couldn't shut my brain off. I felt antsy, but I couldn't pinpoint why.

I should be walking on clouds; Eren was finally mine, without any complications. Everything was better than I'd expected it to ever be.

Isn't this the point in the story where all of my issues just disappear? I've found my true love, so things should go nowhere but up from now on. I can kiss my fucking OCD and depression and whatever-the-fuck-else goodbye, because I've found someone to fix me. This is where the story ends. This is the happy ending.

Unfortunately for me, I'm not living a fairy tale, and I'm not a fucking idiot. I still hate the whole fucking world, and I still feel like clawing my skin off. Fuck, my bottle of bleach is practically singing to me.

And it's so much worse now that I have something to lose. Before, I could tell myself that I was disgusting, but it was almost alright because I was alone. No one had to know. But then Eren fucking Jaeger walked into my life and fucked it all up, and now I have to worry about all these little things like, " _What if he gets sick of me_?" or " _What if he wakes up one day and realizes that he made a mistake?_ ".

That's what they never show in the movies: the insecurities. You can't give a depression ridden, socially awkward girl with anxiety problems a love interest and expect them to just fall without obsessing over the consequences. It doesn't work that way. We can't just be fixed.

So all I can do is sit here and stress while I smoke cigarette after cigarette. And then I beat myself up for being such a whiny, insecure school girl.

Despite my anxieties, I have noticed Eren's behavior and it's my only comfort, really. He's been excessively possessive today, especially around my "friends". Not to mention that he practically attacked me as soon as we walked in the door today and then fucked me senseless. The way his breathing had gotten heavier and his pupils had dilated after I'd accidentally admitted my jealousy had surprised me, but I wasn't complaining. I'm not even angry about the fact that I bottomed.

I guess maybe I should be alarmed at his obsession, but in all honesty, we have the same idea. I can't lose him, and I guess he doesn't want to lose me either. For now, anyways.

My train of thought is derailed when I feel Eren stir beside me. He rolls onto his back and extends his body in a long stretch, pushing his arms over his head and straightening his legs. I watch as he rubs his eyes sleepily and takes in a deep breath. I guess he notices the smoke in the air, because after his long inhale, his eyes finally pop open and his gaze swings over to find the source.

Suddenly my cigarette is being plucked from my mouth and Eren is sitting up beside me, snuggling up as close as he can get. After he exhales a lung-full of smoke, the older boy asks, "Did you get any sleep?"

"Not tired." I grunted and snatched my smoke back.

"Liar." Eren accuses while turning his head to scrutinize my tired eyes. "You look exhausted."

His fingers gently remove my cigarette from my hand once again, and he takes one last inhale before stubbing it out in the ash tray beside the bed. Next, he pulls me down so that my head is being cushioned by his lap and pets my hair. "Get some sleep, Levi, and we can have a late tutoring session tonight."

Surprisingly enough, my mind decides not to protest. Eren has a way of comforting me like no one else can and before I know it, I've fallen asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

For half an hour, I sat in silence, listening to the calming white noise that was Levi's even breathing. I didn't have anywhere else I wanted to be.

" _He's going to leave you_."

My hand runs through his shaggy hair, contributing to the bed head he'll have when he wakes. It'll be cute.

" _He won't be yours forever_."

My eyes never stray from his delicate face, soft and unguarded in his sleep. He looks so peaceful.

" _You have to protect him_."

My head snaps up at the abrupt sound of someone knocking loudly at the door.

" _Ignore it. Levi's more important."_

My whole body tenses when I hear the unmistakable click of a lock, and then of the door being pushed open. I try as hard as I can not to jostle Levi as I spring from the bed, throw a pair of sweats on and run from the room to investigate.

_Who the hell has a key to Levi's house?_

I stop dead in my tracks when I come face to face with a middle aged couple. The woman has raven colored wavy hair and is quite short. The man has short, salt and pepper hair and Levi's heavy-lidded eyes, except where Levi's are intriguing and attractive, his are just dull.

It doesn't take a detective to deduce that these people are Levi's parents.

I feel my fists clench as a wave of anger washes over me without provocation. These are the assholes who walked out on their only son, after they'd starved and beaten him into the broken man he is. And they had the nerve to just stroll into this place like it was still their home?

Their judgemental gaze swept over my shirtless body disaprovingly. "Uh.. Who are you?" The man asked with a frown.

My vision was fluctuating, and judging by the alarmed looks from the couple in front of me, my eyes were probably alternating colors right then as I tried to stay in control. I didn't understand why I was so worked up, but I felt like my body was on fire, like I was about to explode. I ignored their question and asked one of my own. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

"Excuse me?" Levi's mother exclaimed. "This is our house. What is a delinquent like _you_ doing here?"

A bitter laugh bubbled out of me, and the last of my sanity snapped.

" _These are the monsters that hurt Levi."_

When I didn't answer their question, the man asked, "Where's Levi?"

" _They're going to try to take him away from you_."

I couldn't let them take him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I awoke to find Eren snoring beside me. My arm was clutched to his chest like a teddy bear and he was shirtless. I didn't have much time to admire him though, because the soft rustling that came from the blankets as I shifted positions reached the boy's ears and he shot right up with a gasp.

"What the hell?" I shouted.

Eren didn't answer for a moment, just stared forward with a confused look on his face. "Oh, uh, sorry. I just had a really fucked up dream."

"What was it about?"

Eren's eyes widened, but he turned his face away from me before I could see any other emotion register on it. "Nothing. I can barely even remember it now."

His voice sounded weird, distorted, and I was pretty sure I was being lied to. Still, if it bothered him this much, I wouldn't push him. "Alright then."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

_Before the couple could step any further into the house and disturb Levi, I lunged forward and placed a hand on each of their heads. With all my strength, I grabbed them by the hair and smashed their heads together._

_They didn't have a chance to scream; they were out cold on the floor._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I made a joke about how Eren would make the perfect housewife -because as soon as he got out of bed he went straight to the kitchen to make us a well balanced dinner- and after a discontented look from my apron-wearing boyfriend, he stormed out of the kitchen.

Two seconds later, he emerged from our bedroom, still wearing the apron, but this time with a smile on his face. The rest of his clothes had vanished, leaving him completely naked behind the silly blue apron.

_Where did that apron even come from?_

"Mm, let me take that back. Now, you're perfect." I admonished as Eren passed, giving me full view of his ass.

Eren gave a lighthearted laugh. "Too bad for you, you won't get to appreciate this view for long." He pushed a stack of papers on the table closer to me. "Finish these by the time I'm done cooking, and I'll give you a treat. If not, I'm going home for the night."

I glared at his devilish grin. That sly little shit. He knew just what he was doing; giving me the ultimate distraction and then threatening me like that. _The nerve_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

_After sneaking back into Levi's room and pulling on a shirt, I crept out of the room and into the kitchen. Tucking a large kitchen knife into the waistband of my jeans, I made my way back outside._

_Splayed out in Levi's backyard were his unconscious parents, except it looked like the old man was just starting to wake up again. The man's head lolled to the side, and the grogginess drained from his eyes when he saw me approaching. He tried to say something, but duct tape covered his mouth so it came out muffled._

_I crouched beside Levi's asshole of a father and whispered, "Shh, don't try to speak. You're in good hands. I care about your son Levi very much, and I can assure you that I'll take care of anyone that tries to hurt him." The man squirmed and let out a frightened noise as I pulled out the knife. "Unfortunately, you two hurt Levi immeasurably, and I can't have you going in there and screwing up what Levi and I have."_

_A giggle escaped my lips. "You broke him, so I'm gonna break you." I said in a venomous whisper._

_A high pitched noise erupted from the man as I brought the knife to his throat._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

Frustration coursed through my veins as Eren set a dish in front of me. It smelled delicious and I couldn't wait to stuff my face, but that wasn't the problem.

The source of my frustration was sitting half finished in front of me. I'd really tried to finish my homework, but not paying attention in class really makes things difficult, especially when their was a gorgeous, naked man dancing around the kitchen behind me. I couldn't help but sneak peeks every once in a while.

Eren sat down across from me with his own plate of food and gave me a sympathetic look. His eyes flicked down to my neat handwriting that covered a few of the worksheets. "Atleast you tried, right?"

I didn't answer, choosing instead to stuff my face with food. And by stuff my face I mean carefully separate my food into small, less-than-bite-sized portions and then spoon them into my mouth one by one while chewing slowly and thoroughly.

Am I the only one that thinks that food tastes better in small portions?

Eren watched with an amused expression as I daintily handled my food. He still wasn't used to the methodical way that I ate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

_Blood flowed from the wound that I opened up on the man's throat and I admired the deep crimson. My grin only widened when the insistent gargling noises that he made woke his wife, and she let out her own panicked sounds as I drove the knife into his chest once, twice, three times._

_Then, the man was still, and there was blood splattered on my shirt._

_The woman was in full out panic; trying uselessly to jerk her way out of the duct tape wrapped around her wrists and ankles. She froze when I trailed the knife lightly down her cheek. "Do you know why I'm going to kill you?"_

_I received a frantic shake of her head as an answer._

_"Tell me. Did you make any effort to talk to Levi while you were away on your 'vacation'?"_

_The woman didn't move._

_"Did you even try to make sure he was okay?"_

_Hesitantly, she shook her head once, eyes wide with terror._

_"Of course you didn't. Even while you were around, you were just waiting for him to die, weren't you? Is that what you wanted? Does the suffering of your own son bring you some kind of pleasure?"_

_Levi's mother sobbed and desperately shook her head._

_"Well, I guess we have something in common. You see, my favourite pass time -other than fucking your son- is watching monsters like you fall apart in my hands. We both have a penchant for cruelty."_

_I didn't miss the disgusted look that crossed her face at the mention of Levi and I's explicit relationship and I smiled. On top of all the cruel things she'd done to her son, we can add homophobia to the list._

_I stabbed the knife right through her hand and basked in her screams of agony. "How many times did you sit quietly while your husband beat Levi bloody?"_

_I pulled the knife from her hand. "How could you leave your own son alone while you fuck around without responsibility for years?!"_

_I stabbed the knife into her chest. "You-"_

_I did it again. "Make-"_

_And again. "Me-"_

_One last time. "Sick!"_

_I spat the words at Levi's mother even though she was already dead._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

Halfway through our meal, I set my fork and knife down and stood from my seat with purpose. I couldn't sit idle any longer.

Eren watched with amused curiosity as I crossed to his end of the table, turning in his chair so he could properly face me.

I settled myself down on his lap and hungrily pressed my lips to his. I didn't waste any time with words, and he eagerly responded in kind.

My legs straddled the boy and I was able to grind down on him as we kissed, glad that I was wearing unrestrictive sweat pants instead of jeans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

_I emerged from Levi's shed with a shovel and made my way over to the narrow space between Levi's house and the tall wooden fence that surrounded his backyard. The sunlight didn't reach this area, so instead of grass, there was just wet soil._

_The physical exertion that came with digging a large, deep hole big enough to fit two bodies didn't even faze me. Time seemed to skip and speed up, and before I knew it, the bodies were already buried, along with my bloody My Chemical Romance T shirt and their luggage._

_I replaced the dirty shovel in the shed and entered the house through the sliding doors. I could feel the adrenaline start to wear off, and suddenly I was exhausted._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Levi's POV

 

I broke our kiss and pulled back, flicking my eyes back and forth to analyze both of his.

"What's wrong?" Eren asked.

I couldn't understand what I was sensing, so I didn't mention it. "Nothing. You just seem distracted."

Eren ran his fingers through his hair and winced. "Yeah... Sorry. I'm just kind of shaken up about my dream."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

He sighed. "Not really. Can we just go cuddle on the couch and watch a movie?"

I gave him a small, reassuring smile. "Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is where I'm stuck.  
> It's not that I don't know what to write after this, it's that there's so many ways that I want to take it, and I can't decide on which idea I'll use.  
> So basically it comes down to this: Do you guys want a happy ending, or a not-so-happy ending? (personally, I think that happy endings can be boring, but I'll try my best to end it well, no matter what you guys choose.)  
> Please let me know in the comments :D


	18. Judging By The Hole In The Satellite Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A balancing act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I guess I'll just start by saying I'm sorry.  
> Fuck, this chapter isn't even that long and it took me weeks to write.  
> In my defense, I wrote four different versions of this chapter and decided that I didn't like any of them, and I'm still not quite happy with this one, but fuck it.  
> In addition, school has been a bitch. I almost got kicked out of two of my classes this week because of my shitty attendance (I like to sleep in), and I'm failing another two classes on top of that. My French teacher wants to eat me alive.  
> Anyyyywayyys, enjoy the chapter and please don't hate me.

 

**Levi's POV**

 

My eye popped open, without any effort on my part, when I felt Eren shaking lightly beside me. We were both crammed together on the couch; I was half on top of him while I used his arm as a support for my head, and our legs were tangled and overlapping. It was almost too hot to be anywhere near comfortable and we were both still fully clothed underneath the thick quilted blanket that we shared.

I didn't want to kick it off; Eren brought it with him from his house, saying that his mom had made it for him out of his baby clothes and it smelled just like him.

Eren's shaking only got worse while I struggled between wanting to fall back asleep and wanting to wake up fully to find out what was wrong. Finally, I sucked in a deep breath and rose slightly, using my elbows to prop myself up and get a good look at the sleeping boy beneath me. His face was scrunched in a restless expression and his face was streaked with rogue tears. He had his hands balled up in fists and his breathing was almost too quick and irregular for someone who was sleeping.

He mumbled something close to, "I'm sorry." right before I shook his shoulder gently to wake him up. Large, turquoise eyes popped open and he just stared at me, wide eyed. Tears were gathered in the corners.

"Are you alright?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, it was just another nightmare." he sniffed. It didn't sound like he wanted to discuss its content.

"C'mon then, let's go to bed." I pushed myself up and off the couch and then reached back to tug Eren up with me.

When we made it to my room, I watched as first Eren's shirt and then his jeans flew past me and into the laundry hamper; the idiot knew better than to leave his clothes in a heap on the floor anymore. I took off my shirt too, but elected to keep my sweat pants on and then crawled into bed with my almost-naked boyfriend. Within a few minutes, I was asleep again, curled up in his arms.

***

It wasn't long before I was awoken again; this time because of the rustling of the sheets as Eren tried to discreetly crawl out of bed.

"Mn, where are you going?" I asked groggily.

"Just to the bathroom." he whispered. "Go back to sleep."

I nodded and closed my eyes once again.

***

With morning came bright rays of sunlight through my window (because Eren insisted that my blackout curtains were depressing and kept them open at all times.) that warmed my face, and annoyingly cheery birds that chirped to their hearts content with total disregard for the fact that I was trying to fucking sleep.

With morning also came the realization that Eren's side of the bed was empty and cold.

With a groan, I rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. I showered and got dressed slowly, not worried about the fact that I hadn't seen Eren yet this morning.

Until I noticed that I didn't remember him coming back to bed last night.

I exited my room in a rush and quick-walked around the house, checking each room, and finally made it to the front door. Sure enough, both Eren's shoes and keys were missing and a peek out the window told me that his car was also gone.

_What the fuck?_

I went back to my room to get a hold on my phone and dialed Eren's number from memory. It went straight voice-mail, so I left a message.

"Eren, you little shithead, you better call me back soon and tell me where the fuck you've gone off to."

I raked a hand through my hair and told myself to calm the fuck down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

Holy shit.

I'm such a fucking coward.

This whole time I've been boasting about my strength and determination and bravery, but instead of facing my problems head-on, I ran.

I ran from the guilt that was eating me alive and giving me nightmares.

I ran from the disgusted and crestfallen look that Levi would most likely show me when I told him the truth.

I ran from the slightly raised, barely noticeable bump in the soil between the side of the house and Levi's fence.

I ran from the urge to find the shovel and dig as deep as I had to in order to prove to myself that it was all just a dream; I hadn't done anything wrong. But deep down I knew what I'd find when I dug up that soil. I knew that I hadn't dreamed this all up; the uncanny resemblances between Levi and his parents, the bright crimson that splattered on my face and shirt, the swelling of pride when I looked down on the dead and told myself, " _I've done the world a favor_." when I knew that the only person who'd benefit from my actions was myself.

Everything was just so fucked up.

So I grabbed a few essentials and hopped into my car. I didn't have any specific destination in mind, I just chose a direction and drove until I wasn't in the city anymore. I had my phone connected to my car's stereo and let myself sulk while Pink Floyd played in the background.

The sun began to rise agonizingly slowly to my left after an hour or two, oranges and pinks and blues bleeding into the darkness of the night sky. I studied it out of sheer boredom. I wasn't the star gazing, sun-rise worshiping type.

Eventually the sky was a bright blue and it was officially a new day. On either side of me, farmlands and prairies whizzed by in streaks of greens and yellows. The highway in front of my car stretched on forever and I had no idea where it would take me, but I guess that was the point.

Truck stops and small town would pop up every now and then, and I considered stopping and maybe just talking to someone, but in the end I elected to keep going until I ran out of gas. That is, until I looked at the dial and realized that I was already almost running on empty.

I sighed and stopped, completed a three-point turn and drove back towards the gas-station-slash-diner that I'd just passed. It was self serve, so I efficiently pumped my car full of gas and headed over to the little convenience store to pay. On the way to the cashier, my arms filled with unhealthy but completely satisfying snack foods that I planned to eat on the road. Mikasa would've been ashamed.

After I payed, I got back into my car and dropped the bag of food and drinks into the passenger seat. I didn't feel like going back to driving for hours on end just yet, so I pulled away from the pump and parked my car in a parking spot in front of the diner.

My lungs filled with the unpolluted country air and I enjoyed being able to stretch my legs as I walked down a long gravel road that seemed to go right through the middle of the quaint little town I'd stumbled upon. I appreciated the small details that the town's people obviously went through great effort to upkeep; cute road signs, bright green lawns, lush gardens and just a general air of good intentions and care.

None of the houses seemed to be in disrepair, and I marveled at the giant, pristine white church that seemed to be the centerpiece of the scenic little town. It had large stained-glass windows depicting different pictures, it was surrounded in flowers and bushes and it had an all-around welcoming feel.

Surrounded by the joyful, carefree aura that the town seemed to exude, it was hard to feel like I'd made the wrong choice by running away.

I was intrigued by the stunning church and everything that surrounded it, including the little cobblestone path that led around to the back, so I decided to follow it.

I wasn't disappointed.

The path led to a beautifully landscaped area that looked like it was used for weddings and other celebratory events. An ancient-looking altar stood a little ways away from the church, right in front of an obviously aged stone wall with a stone-paved path leading from the church right up to it. The wall was set into a tall, grassy hill that sloped down and out, reaching ground level a few meters away from the altar. In front of the altar were a few stone benches set up in rows on either side of the path.

I ventured closer to the altar and was awed by its simplistic beauty. My legs carried me beyond the altar and to the bottom of the hill, and I started to climb.

On top, I had a pretty good view of the community, and I smiled and turned in a slow circle. A little distance away from the other side of the hill was a winding river that meandered itself throughout the area, and a large, sturdy bridge that stood high above the water. It had a multitude of criss-crossing bars on either side that came up to make two large curves.

An idea came to me as I admired the architecture, but I quickly dismissed it.

Still, my feet carried me forward and soon I was standing at the bridge's entrance. Right then, my phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out quickly.

It was Levi.

I really didn't feel like talking to him right now, so I pressed the " **Ignore** " button and returned the phone to my pocket.

It was too late though; the blissful bubble that had been surrounding me while I marveled this whole new world had popped at the thought of Levi and everything that followed. A rush of anger coursed through me, without an identifiable source. I was just so pissed off at myself and the situation I'd put myself in.

I felt like hitting something, so I yelled in frustration and punched one of the steel beams that stood infront of me.

It was then that I realized that I wasn't, in fact, alone. Wrapped up in my own self-deprecating train of thought, I'd failed to notice the gathering of people on the other side of the bridge, standing in front of what looked to be an ice cream shop. Fortunately, I hadn't attracted too much attention with my outburst.

For the second time since I'd spotted the bridge, I contemplated climbing it. Even though I knew it was an idiotic idea, I just had this craving to do something stupid. I wanted to feel that rush that surged through your veins when you were genuinely unsure if you would make it through something alive. So what if I fell? Would it really matter all that much?

I'd already drifted unknowingly a little farther onto the bidge and to one side. Upon closer inspection, I concluded that it was, indeed, climbable. So with that, I placed my foot in the first foothold and began to scale up the complex arrangement of beams and girders. My hands gripped the metal tightly and my thighs began to burn, but I kept going.

Once or twice, my hand almost lost its hold and I came very close to falling to my death, but I quickly regained my grip. After the second life-threatening experience, adrenaline was pumping through my body and making me feel incredible. I felt a subtle change of perspective; my vision sharpening and my reflexes were suddenly much quicker. I recognized this feeling from experience, and if I had to guess, I'd say my eyes were shining gold at the moment.

Suddenly, scaling the side of the bridge was simple and I reached the top quickly. From there, I pulled myself up and placed my feet on the gently-curved, long metal beam that ran the length of the bridge. It was about two feet wide, which was enough to room to place my feet comfortably, one in front of the other.

A nervous laugh bubbled up from my throat and I looked down, _way down_ , to where I'd been standing before. A little over, I saw that I'd been noticed. Parents and children alike were staring up at me, jaws dropped and fingers pointed. If I squinted, I could make out one or two two teenagers that were holding their phones above their heads, as if they were filming me.

_Might as well give them a show._

I faced forward once again and took a steadying breath. Ever so slowly, I placed one foot forward, and then the next. Way up here, the wind whipped at me freely from all directions. It threatened to unbalance me and push me off the edge, but my sense of balance and equilibrium were at a super-human level. The more dangerous it seemed, the sharper my skills became.

It was like dancing a very thin line between life and death, and it was exactly the feeling that I wanted. My mind was focused solely on the task of staying upright, and everything else seemed... Insignificant.

I grew more confident as my balancing act improved. Once I stopped swaying dangerously with the wind, I was left seeking ways to push the boundaries even further.

With incredibly cautious movements, I brought my hands down, palms flat on the metal surface, and shifted my weight onto them. The gasps and screams of terror from down below were just barely audible from all the way up here as my feet rose into the air above me, and it brought a smile to my face.

It took me some time to get steadily balanced, but I somehow managed it. Then, just to see how far I could push myself, I lifted one hand. My whole body swayed and wobbled, so after a moment I placed the hand back down, a little further forward than the other. Inch by inch, I crept forward with only my arms to hold me up.

When the muscles in my arms began to ache, burn and then start to tremble and falter, I gave a good, hard push and swung my legs, using the momentum to land back on my feet. There was really nothing that compared to what I felt then; as if I was invincible.

Even if I fell, I couldn't bring myself to fear for my life. To me, it was either I live, or destiny decides that I was supposed to die. I was fine with either one. There was nothing frightening about it.

Back firmly on my feet, I took another glance down below. It looked like there was a news van parked almost directly under me, and the crowd had grown. Someone held a large camera that was trained on me.

I waved.

It was then, when I wasn't paying proper attention, that a particularly strong gust of wind pushed me off balance and I knew I wouldn't be able to regain my footing. I didn't fall right away, it was more like I tipped back slowly but inevitably.

 _Fuck_. If I was going to die, I was going to go out with a bang.

Just before my feet completely lost there hold on the steel beam, I used the last bit of purchase I had left to kick off and into a back flip. The air was stolen from my lungs as I plummeted and I wanted to just close my eyes and enjoy the weightlessness that I felt.

Just then, I saw the variety of metal bars that flew past me, just close enough to touch. I stretched my arms, vision focused and calculating, and timed it just right so that my fingers made contact with one of the thinner parts of the bridge and wrapped around it. I almost lost my grip as soon as I gained it because of the tearing feeling that burned through my arms, as if they were being ripped from their sockets, but I held on with all my strength.

The momentum made my legs swing forward and they crashed into the beam below me with great force, causing me to yelp in agony.

I began the long and grueling descent back to ground level, not without great pain. When my feet finally made contact with the asphalt surface of the bridge, I almost collapsed right there. People swarmed and surrounded me while I tried my best not to pass out, demanding answers to their _oh-so-important_ questions.

"Where did you learn to do that?"

"What was the purpose behind that display?"

"Are you a fucking idiot?!"

A young boy, probably around 10-11 years old, pushed his way through the crowd. His eyes were wide and his jaw slack with admiration while he stared up at me.

His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth snapped shut when he realized that I was slumped limply against the railing, barely conscious. The constant yelling and the camera flashes definitely we're helping, and the boy could see it.

With a scowl on his innocent face, the boy whirled around and shouted, " _Hey!_ Can't you see that he's tired and hurt? None of you are helping at all!"

Silence blanketed the crowd as they all stared raptly at the boy in mild confusion.

"Back away and leave him alone! _Go!_ "

With unsure footing, the flock of town citizens dispersed and finally walked away, throwing questioning looks back at the crazy man who jumped off a bridge and the boy who held his arms out at his sides in front of me, as if he was trying to shield me from their prying eyes. It made lips curl up in a small, grateful smile.

I couldn't tell if the tears welling in my eyes were simply from the pain that ran all through my body, or because of the genuine kindness the boy was showing me.

When everyone had vanished, he turned around and gazed down at me to where I'd sunken down to a sitting position on the ground with my back resting against the railing, and asked, "What's you're name?"

"Eren. Eren Jaeger. What's yours?" My voice was raspy from exertion.

"Eren... Yay-ger? I like it! My name's Cody!"

"Well, thank you for helping me out, Cody."

"It's no problem! You're so cool! And when you flipped off the top it was like - _whooosh!_ \- and - _bam!_ \- and suddenly you were hanging from one of the bars! I thought you were going to die for sure!" he exclaimed, gesticulating wildly.

I just chuckled at his enthusiasm.

"Is there anything else I can do for you? I'd be happy to help!"

"A bottle of water would help a lot." I croaked out.

"Right! I'll be right back!" He turned and sprinted off towards the ice cream shop.

A minute later, I watched as the door swung wide open and Cody dashed out of the store, a bottle in his hand. When he made it back to where I was sitting, he set it down beside me and then sat down as well. We rested side-by-side for a while; I chugged my water and he caught his breath.

When all my water had disappeared, I figured it was time to say goodbye. "Well, thank you for everything, Cody, I really do appreciate it. I have to get going now, though."

Cody's disappointed eyes followed me as I tentatively rose into a standing position.

"Wait!" He jumped up and pulled a little notebook out of his pocket and opened it, flipping through pages of little doodles and things until he found a blank one. "Can I have your autograph?"

"Hah, I guess so."

Cody bounced excitedly and whipped a pencil out from his back pocket. "Here!"

I scribbled my name on the page quickly and then smiled down at my first fan. "Goodbye, Cody."

"Bye!" he shouted at my back as I walked back towards the direction I'd come from.

The trek back to my car was a long and horrible one, and I collapsed in the front seat as soon as I got the door open. Luckily for me, I had a plethora of snacks and drinks at my disposal, and I ravenously forced as much food down my throat as I could before passing out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I think that I'm going to go bald. It's only a matter of time.

One whole week had passed since Eren had mysteriously vanished, and I hadn't heard anything from him. I didn't understand why he just up and vanished without even telling me why, that bastard.

For some reason, I still went to school everyday. Maybe it was to distract myself, or maybe it was because I didn't want to screw up everything that Eren had worked so hard to fix. Either way, Hanji had to constantly come up from behind me and pry my hands out of my hair.

It had started when I would run my fingers through my hair everytime I was worried, which was often. I didn't tell anyone what had happened and nobody could tell from my stoic expression. Only Hanji knew something was up, because she'd known me long enough to spot my nervous habits.

As the week progressed, though, I'd somehow altered the habit from raking my fingers through my hair, to burying my hands in it and pulling, as if that would make everything go away. (It didn't)

Hanji finally came up to me and asked what the hell was going on, four days after Eren had left. She'd noticed that Eren hadn't shown up to school all week.

I tried to tell her to fuck off and leave me alone, but she was persistent and somehow convinced me to tell her.

When I was done, she just nodded, brows furrowed and speechless. Even she didn't know what to make of this shit.

So my week progressed while I tore my hair out and bleached my floors, my walls, my arms and legs. I'd hidden away my bleach when Eren moved back in and promised him that I'd use more user-friendly products, but _he_ was the one who left _me_ , so I took that as permission to resume old habits.

 

Mikasa called me once, and it wasn't a pleasant conversation.

"What?" I'd snapped into the receiver.

"Levi? This is Mikasa." She said, without a hint of warmth in her tone.

"What the fuck do you want?"

It seemed that my abrasive personality finally snapped her. "How about you tell me where the hell my brother went?"

"I have no idea what you're-"

"Listen here you evil little dwarf. You better not fucking lie to me. I drove by your house several times in the past few days, and his car's never there. He hasn't shown up at school even once this week. So I'll ask you again: _Where. The hell. Is Eren?"_

"I don't fucking know where he went, bitch. Why don't you and coconut head go look for him, because I DON'T KNOW."

"When I find him, I'll make sure that I keep him away from you if it's the last thing I do." She threatened venomously.

"If you try to tear us apart, I'll make damn sure it's the last fucking thing you do." I spat back at her and then hung up the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this one was short, but I know what the fuck I'm doing now so I hope to get another chapter up within the week. Lemme know what you think.


	19. Have you seen my brat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing important, honestly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got bored and this happened. 
> 
> Dedicated to Kaze_mizu1, lol.
> 
> Last chapter I completely forgot to do this, so I'll do it now: thank you to everyone who left comments with their opinion on how this fic should end, you guys actually helped me out a bunch. I still have no idea when it's going to end, but atleast I know how I want it to go.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy this tiny chapter. I promise I'll update within the next two days.

Pacing back and forth in my living room accomplished absolutely nothing, other than wearing down the carpet.

Restlessness is the worst kind of feeling; you know that you need to just calm down and distract yourself from your own twisted thoughts, but you physically can't.

I worried, I over-thought, I obsessed and I berated myself for whatever it was that I'd done to get us into this mess.

_Where the hell is Eren?_

It became blaringly obvious that I had to do something to occupy my time, but as I went through the motions of finding a shirt to wear and pulling on my socks, it felt like I was on autopilot. My mind was far away from the mundane activities that I pushed myself through.

 

The next thing I was aware of, as if no time had passed at all, I was standing at the end of my street with a stack of flyers in my hands.

It seemed like the perfect spring day; bright blue sky, sun shining on my back, perfectly normal, sane people going about their perfectly normal business.

  
I don't remember where I got these flyers, but I didn't give them a second thought. I walked over the nearest telephone poll and pulled a roll of duct tape from my pocket.

Once the flyer was taped up, I stepped back to admire my handy work.

 

**MISSING BRAT**

**Approximately 5ft11, shit-brown hair, fucking sexy eyes, acts like a little shit.**

**Responds to the name Eren.**

**If found, please tell him that he's a dumb ass and then mail him to the following adress...**

_Ah, yes. Perfect._

_Eren will be home in no time._

Just then, a man walking a dog passed by me and I didn't miss the chance to spread the word.

"Wait, sir!"

The man stopped and turned to look back at me with a curious smile. "Yes?"

"Here." I held one of my flyers out to him and he took it graciously. I waited a moment while he looked it over before finally landing his gaze on me with a sympathetic look on his aged face.

"I can see that you're really torn up about this." I shrugged. "Don't worry, I'll keep this description in mind while I'm out and about."

I nodded and we parted ways. The rest of the day was spent handing out flyers and flashing Eren's picture. 

With advertising like this, I couldn't see how I could _not_ find the brat.

***

  
I rolled over in bed and languidly stretched out my tired limbs, stiff from disuse.

Blinking away the sleepy blur from my eyes, I kept still as my dream replayed through my head.

_What the hell kind of idiot has Eren turned me into?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.


	20. Dude, no way!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *bro fist*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taadaaa  
> new chapter  
> I'm proud of myself.  
> Actually, this chapter's kinda boring but who the fuck cares!

 

**Eren's POV**

 

I don't remember exactly when I passed out and I don't remember dreaming. I just remember peaceful, pitch black nothingness. For hours, it was like my brain just completely stopped working.

 

I was pulled from my dark abyss by a sudden, blinding white light. It snapped me out of my sleepy paralysis and I jumped in surprise, hitting my head on the roof of my car. My arm came up to shield my eyes as I heard someone knock on my window, three taps in quick procession.

 

Slowly, things started to make sense and my brain pieced together my patchy memories from yesterday. I was still parked in front of the diner.

 

When I had enough sense to realize that someone was trying to talk to me, I rolled down the window and took in the appearance of the police woman hunched beside my car as she put her flashlight away.

 

"Hello?" My voice was thick with the remnants of a long, deep sleep.

 

"Good evening- Or I guess it's morning now."

 

A quick glance at the digital clock on my dash told me it was just after four in the morning.

 

"Uh- yeah... Is there something wrong, officer?"

"I was just checking to make sure you're okay. I saw you were passed out in a very unconventional position and thought maybe there was something wrong."

 

  
_Even the cops in this town are nice_ , I thought idly.

 

I lifted my weight off the seat with my arms to try and reposition myself better, and winced at the pain that shot through my sore muscles. "Everything's fine." I replied through gritted teeth.

 

The woman lifted an eyebrow. "Sir, have you been drinking?"

 

"No..."

 

"Drugs?"

 

"No ma'am."

 

She took a good long look at my face, leaning in to observe my eyes closely. She obviously didn't see anything out of place, because she sighed and said, "Well, I'm

going to have to ask you to park somewhere else, anyhow. This is private property."

 

"Yes, of course."

 

She nodded and retreated back to her own car. As soon as she drove off, I slumped in my seat and let my lungs deflate. No matter who you are, it's hard not to be nervous around cops.

 

Ignoring the searing pain in my arms, I drove out of the parking lot and soon exited the quiet town altogether. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

A week and a half after Eren disappeared, I'd given up on going to school and had spent the day on my perfectly sanitary bathroom floor. I played games with myself - spotting pictures in the patterns on the ceiling tiles and making stories to go with them, counting and recounting different groups of items in the room, and my personal favourite: holding a little dinosaur-shaped sponge that I'd found and soaked in bleach to my arm and seeing how long it took to get a chemical burn in the shape of a triceratops- all while lying in the middle of the decently-sized room and ignoring the glaring hole in my life.

 

It hurt that no matter how hard I tried to keep things together, I still managed to drive Eren away.

 

My fun day of activities was unfortunately interrupted first by the loud, obnoxious knock on my front door that could only belong to Hanji, and then by the door bursting open and the woman yelling, "Levi! You have to see this!"

 

With a scowl, I got up off the floor and quickly covered my damaged arms with the long black sleeves of the shirt I was wearing and then exited the bathroom. Hanji ran right into me.

 

"Oh, there you are!"

 

"What are you so exited about, four eyes?" She'd been here for less than a minute and I was already feeling exasperated and exhausted.

 

"You'll never believe what I found. Let me show you!"

 

She wrapped her claws around my wrist and I tried not to show how much it hurt as she tugged me to the kitchen. On the table, she sat her laptop down and started it up.

 

She opened a browser and quickly searched something up on youtube before turning the screen to face me so I could see properly. The title of the video read: **Crazy Man Climbs Shiganshina Bridge And Almost Dies**.

 

Curious, I didn't say anything as the blurry video began with a grainy shot of the bridge. If I squinted, I could make out a small figure that was scaling the side of it and he was pretty high up. The camera zoomed in when the man reached top and stood with surprisingly good balance.

 

I was intrigued to find that the mystery man looked a lot like a lanky teenager, rather than the well-built, almost-middle-aged men you usually see in stunt videos. The video continued, showing as the man took a few steps forward before stopping abruptly. He leaned down and suddenly his feet were in the air. I had to admit, it was impressive.

 

After walking along on his hands for a bit, he flipped over back onto his feet with the ability and control of someone who seemed like he practiced this a lot. I couldn't see his face when he turned to look down at the camera and wave, but I let out a little gasp when he started to tip backwards. 

 

As if he'd planned it, the man back flipped off the edge and the video ended soon after, while he plummeted to his death.

 

"I don't get it - why was it so urgent that I see this?" I asked.

 

"Shh!" Hanji clicked on the next video in the recommended list. 

This time it was an actual news report that was documenting the bridge incident, and I stayed silent and wide-eyed as the footage played through with drastically better quality shots than the last video.

 

I couldn't be sure, but the figure looked a lot like Eren. It made my heart squeeze and pound faster.

 

_What if it's actually him?_

 

When the man flipped off the edge and fell, I prayed with all the sincerity in my body that it wasn't Eren. The footage kept going where the other video left off and I was surprised to see the man reach out and grap one of the metal bars. Suddenly he was just hanging there, like a rag doll.

 

The reported gasped at the unexpected save, and you could here the crowd's amazement while the camera stayed trained on the man. 

 

He climbed down, looking obviously pained and stiff, and when he finally got back to safety, he just slumped.

 

I gasped when he looked up at the camera with big, blue-green eyes. _It was Eren_.

 

I opened my mouth to comment, but nothing came out. The video ended soon after, with Eren being shielded by a loud little brat from the swarm of prying citizens.

 

Hanji didn't say anything, just clicked on another video. This one showed the same man -Eren- on top of a tall building, the filmer recording from the street below.

 

Eren ran at a speed that I'd never seen him reach, but then again, I'd only seen him really run when he was drunk. And then suddenly he was flying through empty air, his limbs moving with the grace that I recognized as a sign that he wasn't exactly himself, keeping him upright until he landed seamlessly on the roof of the next office building.

 

The next video showed something a bit different; it started with the camera trained on a group of friends, about college age, goofing around outside of a bar. Someone yelled, "Hey, look! There he is!" and the scenery blurred as the cameraman whirled around and pointed the camera at a man who was exiting the bar.

 

The group of guys ran up to him, shouting, "Hey wait!" 

 

"Aren't you the guy who was jumping buildings earlier?"

 

"You're all over the internet, man!"

 

The man turned around, swaying and stumbling slightly, and sure enough, it was Eren. Just what the hell was he getting himself into?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

I think it's safe to say that I've become a bit of an adrenaline junkie. 

 

When I'm in a life-threatening position, my head clears and all my focus centers on what I have to do to stay alive. Ever since I climbed the bridge, I've craved the mindless, purely-instinctual way that my body moves and acts. It's uncluttered and unconflicted. It's the best drug I've ever tried.

 

Sadly, when my body finally unwinds into a massive, jittery mess of guilt, depression and exhaustion, that's when it gets hard. I have no strength left to push myself to the limit without dying instantly, and nothing to clear my mind.

 

So what do I do? I get shit-faced drunk. 

 

Four days after I left, I found myself in a small city with a bunch of tall buildings and not enough grass. The place was absolutely depressing, but the uniform lines of buildings that were all pretty much the same height gave me another idea for my next high.

 

After I snuck onto the roof of an apartment complex, I tested my physical abilities to their max. How far could I jump? How fast could I run?

 

The answer was a lot more impressive than I'd originally guessed.

 

Afterwards, when I was reduced to a sad, limping loser, I crawled into a bar and grill nearby and sat myself right down at the bar.

 

The bartender cocked a brow at my rumpled, un-showered form slumped over the counter. "You ok, buddy?"

 

I lifted my head and gave him a strained smile. "Yeah. I'm fine."

 

His eyebrows lifted in shock and recognition. "You're the guy who was jumping buildings earlier! Everyone in the restaurant ran out to see what the commotion was."

 

My smile grew into a grin when he exclaimed, "You're so fucking awesome, man!"

 

"Thanks. Can I get a double shot of vodka?"

 

The man nodded and turned to pour my shot. After he slid it over to me, he added, "It's on the house." and went to go tend to another customer. 

 

Several shots later, my vision felt like it was lagging compared to the fast movements of everyone else around me, and every time I turned my head, it took me a few seconds to refocus again. Figuring it was time for me to stop, I slurred a _thank you_ to the bartender and payed my tab.

 

When I finally stumbled outside, I was immediately flocked by a bunch of guys who looked close to my age. The were all shouting questions at me, but none of them really got through.

 

"Dude, he's really drunk." One guy with a camera said. "I think he might black out."

 

As if on cue, black spots dotted across my line of vision and blotted out the suddenly blinding city lights outside. I couldn't tell which way was up or down, so I just kind of closed my eyes and said " _Fuck it_."

 

I don't know how I ended up on the ground, but the next thing I knew, I was sitting with my back against the front of the bar.

 

"What?" was all I managed to slur out, and it wasn't really a proper question for what I wanted to know, but I think one of the guys understood. He gave me a bottle of water and explained while I chugged.

 

"Man, you totally passed out for a minute there. You're lucky we caught you. Are you going to be ok?"

 

"Just-" I held my index finger up, indicating that I needed a minute.

 

I was surprised that the group of friends stayed with me for almost half an hour while I sobered up. We sat in a circle on the side walk, me with my back against the wall and they chattered about unimportant subjects for a while before I finally joined in.

 

"Why are you guys being so nice to me?" My voice was almost completely un-slurred, which made me smile triumphantly.

 

"Dude, you're like, _famous_! The video of you climbing that brige has already gone viral!"

 

My mouth formed a small 'O' shape.

 

"Why do you do it? Are you like, crazy or something?"

 

I just shrugged. It was too much to explain.

 

One of the quieter guys spoke up; I'd only heard him speak once or twice, and even then, he was mumbling. "To me, it kinda looks like you're running from something." he said shyly.

 

My eyebrows rose and my eyes widened; how did he just pull that out of thin air, like it was obvious? "And why do you think that?"

 

"You just look kind of sad, I don't know. From the looks of it, you're living out of your car-"

 

"How did you know that?" I interupted. Who the hell was this guy?

 

He looked down and shrunk into himself a bit, looking embarrassed and ashamed. "Well, uh- we've kinda been stalking you since we saw you jumping buildings and recognized you from the bridge video. We followed you back to your car and watched you collapse in the front seat and pass out for a bit before you came here. And then we waited for you outside."

 

If I wasn't so drunk, I might've been creeped out, but I just waved a hand dismissively and said, "Okay, finish what you were saying before."

 

"Well, from the looks of it, you're living out of your car. It's full of snack food, clothes and empty packs of cigarettes, which indicates that you're traveling. Also, the bridge video was posted three days ago, and it was filmed in a town that's about a three-day drive from here. Considering that you were mumbling "sorry" in your dreams - sorry, you left your car window rolled down - and you got so drunk that you passed out all by yourself, I'd say that you're running from something. Or maybe someone?"

We all just kind of stared at him, open mouthed. When I finally scraped up a few words to say, all that came out was, "You remind me of my friend Armin."

 

"Thanks, I guess? My name's Kyle." 

 

"Well, kyle, if you really wanna know, I screwed up _so bad_ that instead of telling my boyfriend what I did, I just left. I fucked up, _big time_." I said it with a laugh, but everyone knew it was forced.

 

We all feel into an awkward silence for a moment. It was obvious that I didn't want to talk about this anymore, but now no one knew what to say.

 

Finally, one of Kyle's friends perked up. "Hey, do you want to do something crazy with us?" He asked me.

 

I looked up at the guy with a lop-sided grin on my face. "Hell yeah, I do."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

After the kids in the video found Eren and Eren promptly passed out drunk (fucking idiot, I swear to god-) the video cut to a shot of Eren leaning back against a wall. Slowly, his eyes rolled open and a single word fell from his lips. 

 

" _What?"_  


 

After the boys explained that Eren had just up and fainted, the video then skipped ahead to another part of their conversation.

" _Why do you do it? Are you like, crazy or something_?" One guy asked shamelessly.

 

And then another, more timid voice added, "To me, it kinda looks like you're running from something."

 

At that, my interest piqued and I watched their conversation with rapt attention, absorbing every little detail that I learned about what Eren had been up to.

 

And then I heard something that I wasn't expecting.

 

_"Well, kyle, if you really wanna know, I screwed up so bad that instead of telling my boyfriend what I did, I just left. I fucked up, big time."_

 

My back straightened at the mention of my name and I leaned in closer to the small screen to try and analyze Eren's somber expression.

 

This was news to me; I hadn't noticed anything out of place since Eren had been gone, nor anything strange before. Of course, there was Eren's strange behavior after his dream, but whatever he'd dreamt up couldn't have been offensive enough that he would have to run away from me.

 

_What, did he have some kind of sick fantasy about me?_

 

Somehow that didn't seem like the case.

 

The scene cut off again and was replaced by a shot of a large, sparkling body of midnight blue water. It was encompassed by a line of lush green foliage and rocky cliffs that dropped straight off into the large lake below. The drops looked to range from about ten-twenty feet, depending on the area.

 

The camera man walked straight up to the edge of the cliff they were standing on and pointed their camera down to show how far down the water was from that particular point. It may have just been the perspective, but it looked a lot farther than the other spots around the lake.

 

  
_"From here, it's about thirty feet down."_ Someone explained. _"None of us have ever had the balls to jump. It's not so bad at other parts of the lake because the drops are lower, but this is the highest point."_  


 

Eren stepped into the shot and looked down over the edge. After a moment, he tossed dismissively over his shoulder, _"I don't know... It doesn't look very high to me."_  


 

A chorus of indignant sputters and disbelieving shouts could be heard from behind the camera. Eren looked left and then right, his posture straightening in excitement when he supposedly found what he was looking for.

 

  
_"Right there!"_ he shouted gleefully, pointing above him.

 

The shot zoomed out and rose upward, showing a large, sturding tree that rose high above them at a slant, reaching out over the lake. It looked like that particular tree could've been several centuries old.

 

_"Dude, that's like, almost a sixty foot drop! There's no way you could survive that."_

 

The camera panned back to Eren's face just as a daring smirk split his lips, but even more concerning was the shadow of something else that hung over his features, hiding behind his rebel exterior. Was it guilt?

 

He looked almost melancholy.

 

Eren jogged over to the base of the tree, which luckily had many different branches that jutted out every-which-way, making it easy for Eren to climb up. With precision and skill that still surprised me, Eren practically flew up the tree, using his strong arms and legs in tandem to propel himself upwards with perfectly timed jumps and effortless pulls of his arms. 

 

Soon enough, he'd reached the highest branch that he could safely stand on without falling, or without the branch breaking under his weight.

 

The only source of light other than the moon seemed to be a heavy-duty flashlight of sorts, with a bright, concentrated beam of light. It was pointed at Eren, making it look like he had a spotlight trained on him.

 

After a moment to gather himself, Eren dove of the branch and plummeted down without a hint of hesitation or apprehension. The dumbass went all out, or not at all.

 

The camera followed his descent, displaying his perfect form and frightening speed. He was headed toward the water in a beautiful dive, hands positioned below him to break the surface first.

 

In high dives like this, it's crucial to hit the water in a streamline form. You have to keep a rigid hold on your body so that you hit the water just right. If not, you die. For most, it takes years of practice to perfect a dive like this; I wondered if Eren had ever had any formal training.

 

Somehow, I didn't think so.

 

With a splash, Eren cut through the surface of the lake and was swallowed into its dark depths. Hanji and I held our breath along with the group of college kids standing atop the cliff.

 

Seconds passed as we all waited tensely to see if he'd resurface uninjured. The reflection of the moon that shone up at us gave no hints to what was happening beneath. 

 

Almost a minute passed without any disturbance and we all started to panic internally. Someone offscreen whispered, _"Oh shit, do you think he...?"_  


 

No one wanted him to finish his sentence; we all got the idea.

 

Suddenly, Eren burst through the water and above the surface, sending water flying in all directions. He let himself float on his back as he breathed and regained his strength while his spectators whooped and yelled words of praise.

 

  
_"You okay, Eren?!"_ someone shouted.

 

  
_"Yeah, I'm great!"_ Eren called up. A content smile remained on his face, as if even he didn't believe that he'd actually made it. Just as I thought that though, his face settle into a frown.

 

Maybe he didn't even want to make it?

 

The video ended and Hanji closed her laptop. I just kept staring forward, having nothing to say that could explain the mess of thoughts tangled in my head.

 

"There's a few more, too." Hanji informed me quietly.

"What. The fuck." I breathed out.

 

I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder and found it in myself to look at the girl and give her one of my famous glares.

 

I sucked in a big breath and let the words rush out along with it. "So... Eren's living off junk food and sleeping in his car, performing dumbass stunts out of what? Boredom? Rebellion? Some twisted death wish? And what does this have to do with his dream? What does any of this have to do with me?"

 

"A dream?" Hanji asked.

 

I waved a flippant hand at her half-question. "Yeah, he had a strange dream and was hung up on it the day before he disappeared. He wouldn't talk about it."

 

She hummed, a pensive look on her face. After a moment of contemplation, she turned to me with grin and an excited twinkle in her eyes, pulling her keys out of her pocket. As she twirled the key ring around her finger, she concluded, "Well, I guess there's only one thing we can do; We're going on a road trip!"

 

"Me. And you. In a car. For days. With no escape. Really?" I gaped at her incredulously. 

 

"We're going to have so much fun, I can already tell!" She squealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No?  
> Est-ce que c'est bon? Je ne sais pas.


	21. Sunrises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes I wonder when I became so fucked up. Or maybe I was just born this way?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go.

**Levi's POV**

 

Within a few hours, Hanji and I had gathered up what we deemed essential for the trip,and were packing it into the car.

 

"Really, Levi? Bleach?" Hanji teased.

 

"If I'm traveling across the country with a pig like you, you better believe I'm bringing this shit with me." I snarked right back. The woman didn't question me about it again.

 

Before we could head off, Hanji insisted on showing me all the data she'd gathered (She'd been planning this trip since the moment she stumbled upon the first video of Eren, I fucking know it.) in the form of a large folded map that she pulled from the driver's compartment. She unfolded it and spread the large piece of paper out in front of us.

 

Starting from our city, little dots marked the map, lining up to form a large curve. "So I did my research and compiled a list of all the towns and cities that Eren has been filmed or reportedly seen in. As you can see, whether it's intentional or not, he's been traveling through the country at a curve."

 

"So, you basically internet stalked him?" I prodded, completely dismissing the rest of what she said. A smirk threatened to pull at my lips as the image of an obsessed Hanji diligently prowling the web for any morsel of information about the infamous Eren Jaeger popped into my head.

 

"I did!" She agreed unabashedly. "Anyways, by calculating how long it takes to drive from city to city and figuring how often our Eren likes to take a pit stop, I was able to deduce his next few stops. Instead of following behind him in a chase in which we'll never gain any ground, we'll be able to cut across like this," She pointed her finger at the little dot that represented our current location and dragged it in a straight line to the last dot that represented Eren's most recently documented location. It effectively cut a lot of time and distance from the trip compared to how long Eren had been driving. "and hopefully we'll be able to catch him in the middle of one of his stunts where he's sure to attract a lot of attention."

 

I had to hand it to her; the woman may be slightly psychotic, but she was a genius. "Well, what the fuck are we waiting for? Let's catch the brat."

 

With a delighted smile, Hanji folded her map back up and tossed into my lap before starting the engine. As she backed out of the driveway, I went through the process of connecting my phone to the car's stereo and choosing my favourite playlist - comprised mostly of Green Day, MCR and Artic Monkeys with a variety of other bands mixed in - and pressing shuffle. 

 

Hanji frowned when a heavier, screaming song played through the speakers, the angry lyrics making her cringe. She opened her mouth to complain, but my piercing glare cut her off. 

 

Our Friday spent driving passed by without much to reflect upon; Hanji drove, I sat back and drowned myself in sick guitar solos and we both complained about having to spend so much time with the other. Most of the complaints were mine, though.

 

The bright blue of the sky deepened and the sun hid itself under the earth as we followed the long stretch of pavement in front of us. Hanji didn't show any signs of tiring in the near future. She talked my ear off with animated explanations of topics that I couldn't give a shit about. I, on the other hand, was tired no matter what time of day it was or how much sleep I'd gotten the night before. I possessed the ability to nap at virtually any time of the day, whether it was in my bed, on the couch, at my school desk or in the hallway during lunch. I felt myself nodding off in the middle of one of Hanji's boring anecdotes and didn't fight the beautiful allure of just letting my eyes flutter closed and letting the world slip away.

 

Eren was the main theme present in my dreams. His eyes, his laugh, his smell. I dreamt of times when he was a cocky little shit, and times when he was surprisingly shy and unsure of himself. The contant rolling tide of my unconcious mind ebbed a flowed, showing scenes of happier days. Eren caressing my cheek, Eren telling me he loves me with a look of total infatuation evident in the crinkle of his eyes and his unguarded smile. Eren being cute and snuggling innocently up to my side as if he hadn't beat the shit out of some asshole not even two hours prior. Eren's eyes appraising me like I was everything, even when I knew that I was worth so much less.

 

The earth turned, the moon shifted, the tide pulled back. Blood splattered across my kitchen floor as my foot connected with my not-yet-boyfriend's face . The edges of my vision tinged with red, like the blood on Eren's lips as he bit into the flesh of his kidnapper's neck and tore.

 

Eren, covered in blood in the backseat on the way to hospital after I'd knocked him the fuck out.

 

  
_Red_ , like the embarrassed and ashamed tinge in Eren's cheeks when I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him.

 

Eren crying. Eren yelling. Screaming. The pain in his eyes every time that I fucked up. The way he worried his lip when he worried about me.

 

But the worst of all was the silence. Those few times when the boy had nothing to say. The hurt silence when I went too far and said something I shouldn't have. The self deprecating silence, a defeated surrender, when he was convinced that he was the villain in this shitty fairy tale.

 

Dreams that played through like a silent movie without subtitles, but the message was clear all the same. 

 

It was one of those dreams that you become conscious of halfway through; you're still dreaming, but you've woken up enough to start an actual train of thought.

 

The memories played through my mind as if they had a clear goal, a message that I was supposed to grasp. The cogs in my brain spun, grinding together with the effort. My conclusion: whatever Eren had done had to be at least partly my fault. It made sense. I'm sure that Eren wouldn't do anything to hurt me on purpose, so I must have been the one to put him in a bad position.

 

I slipped slowly from dreamland, almost seamlessly. One moment I was drowning in my own head and the next, I was staring at the blur of city lights that passed me by. Hanji was still driving.

 

How long had it been since we'd left?

 

One look at her told me that she was running on empty.

 

My back arched in a stretch and a very sexual sounding moan escaped my throat. Grimmacing, I straightened back up in my seat and threw a glare Hanji's way. "Oi, are you planning to drive all night?"

 

"Well it's not like you have a liscense." She countered.

 

"Then pull the fuck over and get some sleep. Or we could go to a motel..." Thoughts of dirty sheets and cockroach infested rooms assaulted my head. "No, actually, you should probably sleep in the car."

 

I could tell that Hanji was too exhausted to even put up a fight; she just pulled into a lonely parking lot and put the car in park. As soon as she had her seat reclined and I'd reached into the back seat, grabbing her a blanket and throwing it over her, Hanji was out like a light.

 

After a few moments wasted staring into space, I sighed and popped the door open, climbing out into the cool night air. In passing, I found myself surprised that I hadn't smoked at all today; I always smoked a lot more when I was under stress, but I guess being with Hanji kind of hindered that habit. She hated cigarette smoke.

 

I leaned back against the car and lit up, taking a deep drag and then letting the smoke flow from my mouth in a steady stream. I've always enjoyed smoking in the cold; the fact that you can see your breath when you exhale makes it hard to distinguish between the smoke and your own breath, making it look like the smoke is billowing out in front of you in a thick cloud.

 

Absentmindedly, my hand dug into my pocket and pulled my phone out. I turned the piece of technology over in my hands a few times, looking out over the city from my spot just on the edge of it. Finally, I looked down and unlocked my phone, pulling up Eren's contact. 

 

So far, the brat hadn't answered any of my phone calls, which was deeply frustrating. At one point, he'd left me a drunk message at four in the morning, but it only lasted about five seconds and it was impossible to make out what he was saying. Something about my backyard. When I woke up that morning and found the message, I could've kicked myself for not waking up when my phone rang. 

 

_I'm such a fucking idiot._

 

After that, I'd unintentionally gotten into the habit of waking up five or six times in a night to check my phone, so I never really slept for more than an hour or two at a time. 

 

Thinking about Eren just made me so angry. Not with him, but with myself. _What the fuck did I do?_  


 

I didn't realize I was typing out the message until it was sent.

 

 

  
**[To][Eren** **]**   


_I'm sorry._

 

 

Brows furrowed, I shoved my phone back in my pocket and fit my cancer stick back between my chapped lips. I inhaled as quickly and deeply as I could, taking in way more smoke than I should've. This was my favorite way to forget about my problems; take in so much smoke at one time that you get an instant head rush and then let yourself be swept up in its wake. With this method, I smoked two cigarettes in a row as quickly as possible, assaulting my poor lungs with chemical fumes.

 

I coughed a bit, but by now my lungs were mostly used to the abuse. As the smoke exited through my relaxed, relieved grin, I felt the tension disappear from my shoulders and my whole body and mind relax. The cigarette butt fell from between my fingers and I slid down with my back against the side of the car to sit beside it. 

 

I watched in complete serenity as the last few embers at the end of my smoke slowly faded into white ash on the cement. _It's dead_ , I thought in a slightly melancholic tone, but the thought held no real importance. Things die. People die.

 

My Grandma died when I was 10. She was the only member of my family who liked me. She was nice to me. I didn't cry, but I remember feeling like I should have, because that's what you're supposed to do when someone dies, right? But I didn't feel anything. I stared at my parents' torn faces when they told me the news and I just nodded, face as blank as ever. And that was that.

 

One day they're here, the next day they aren't. No big deal. 

 

Sometimes I wonder when I became so fucked up. Or maybe I was just born this way?

 

A buzz in my phone put me into a moment of confusion; no one texts me except Hanji, but she was asleep behind me. I stared down at my pocket for what seemed like forever, eyebrows drawn down and my mouth curved in a tiny frown. By the time I came to the realization that maybe I was supposed to take my phone out of my pocket and check my messages, the phone vibrated again.

 

 

**[From][Eren]**

 

_For what?_

 

 

**[From][Eren]**

 

_Shit._

 

 

I chose not respond right away, instead lighting another smoke shamelessly and holding it between my lips as I gazed down at the screen, unsure of what Eren meant. 

 

 

**[To][Eren]**

 

_What?_

 

 

A few moments later, my phone began to vibrate again, but this time I had an incoming call. I answered it and pressed the phone to my ear as soon as I read the ID.

 

"Eren?"

 

I heard a sharp inhale on the other line. _"Hi."_  


 

"Um."

 

We were both quiet for a while, but then the silence was abruptly broken by Eren saying, _"God, I miss you so much. I missed your voice. Fuck. I shouldn't have called."_ He sounded terrible.

 

"Eren-" I rushed to answer, but the line had already gone dead.

 

"Fuck!" I yelled into the empty lot and almost chucked my phone across it, but thought better of it. If Eren ever called again, it would be best to have a working cellphone. The piece of plastic and glass fell between my legs and I hit my head back into the hard metal behind me. The cigarette in my hand was still burning, dropping ashes on my pants.

 

In a fit of anger, my whole face tensed into a scowl and I jammed the burning end of my smoke into my wrist. It burned for a few moments and I inhaled unsteadily, but then the embers had gone out and I was left with half a cigarette and a small, red blister on my wrist.

 

After lighting my cigarette once again and smoking what I could, I stubbed into out on my wrist another time.

 

_What the fuck am I doing?_

 

My anger faded as the nicotine flowed through my veins, trying its best to calm me down. I felt like an empty shell, nothing left but the urge to ruin myself. I didn't move for a long time; I kept my head tilted back and my eyes squeezed shut.

 

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be normal.

 

But then I think, _what the fuck does 'being normal' even mean?_  


 

When my eyes opened, I was surprised to see that the sky had morphed from the scary, black abyss that it is into a camouflage of pink, orange, yellow and blue. The sun peeked over the horizon directly in front of me.

 

I hate watching sunrises. They're cliche and everyone acts like it's this magical, incredible thing that always has to be pointed out. Sunrises symbolize hope, happiness and second chances.

 

I hated the sun and how it flaunted its beauty in my face. It rose at a snail's pace, refusing to just get its ass in the sky already and be done with it. How do you enjoy the hopefulness of a sunrise when everything seems so fucking hopeless? How do you appreciate it when you're miserable? What if everyone gets another chance except for you?

 

I watched it to the end. I observed the ever changing color scheme in the sky in silent cynicism, a scowl on my face. I waited for answers, but the sun gave none.

 

I hated the cheery blue that the sky adopted. I hated the warmth that the sun wraps around the planet when I don't even have someone to wrap me up in his own warmth.

 

But when Hanji knocked on the window and indicated that it was time to get going, I got to my feet, dusted myself off and noticed that my attitude had shifted. I felt lighter than I had earlier.

 

I think I felt hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk.


	22. Molly?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stegosaurus?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, a decently sized chapter? Go me

**Levi's POV**

 

After two days of driving and sleeping in the car, Hanji announced that we were close to our destination. And by close, she meant that I had to be trapped in her moving death trap for a full 24 hours more.

 

There really wasn't much to do; I sat with my head against the window, eyes closed and let the music from the stereo drown out Hanji's incessant talking. A few hours ago I looked down and noticed that I'd been idly scratching at the burns on my arms out of boredom; a discreet peek under my sleeve showed that my skin was red and raw. Disgusting. (Maybe it needs more bleach?)

 

But when Hanji was asleep and I was sitting outside with my bottle of bleach, surrounded by cigarette butts, I was glad that she was there. I was glad that I didn't have my own car or a license, otherwise I would've embarked on this depressing journey alone and I honestly don't think I could survive the company of my own cynical thoughts long enough to find Eren. Hanji kept me grounded and sane, kept me from being too lonely. 

 

The mad woman still talked way too much, though.

 

As it was already night once again - the third night of our trip - my traveling partner pulled over, unfolded her blanket and reclined her seat, announcing that if she didn't get some sleep soon, she would keel over and die.

 

So I commenced my new little habit - I have an ever-growing collection of those, don't I? - of crawling quietly out of the car and then sitting down against the passenger-side door, accompanied by my two main fixes. 

 

Have you ever just started doing something, repeating a habit of sorts, without really making the conscious decision to do it in the first place? I didn't just wake up one day and say, "Hey, I think I'm going to burn my skin to the point of gross blistering rashes today. Why the hell not?" But I still do it.

 

And then there's those times when you look down at the scars that you've branded into your body and wonder why you ever started. Why do I continue doing this when it only makes things worse. I feel good when I'm pressing a bleach-soaked rag into the filthy skin of my arm or even my leg, because it feels clean. It feels like it's actually making a difference.

 

But then I look at all the other red, itchy areas of my skin and feel utterly appalled with myself. _What if Eren were to see?_  


 

I dropped my little rag from the clutches of my trembling hand and shoved my bottle of bleach away. _What if Eren was just as repulsed as I was?_  


 

See, everyone always tells you that changing is easy if you work hard enough. "Do it for yourself!" they say. "You'll be so much happier."

 

But in truth, it's shame, the desire to please and impress, the need to maintain a certain image or to create a new, improved one that really gets you motivated to get your shit together. We don't change for ourselves; skum like me change so that other people won't know how fucked up we actually are.

 

I realized then that I had to stop this. Eren wouldn't like it, I already knew that much. I really didn't want to disappoint him when I finally found him again.

 

I didn't put the bleach back in the car. I left it a few meters away from the car, hidden behind a telephone poll so Hanji wouldn't see it. I smoked a few extra cigarettes to counter the anxious shaking of my hands. 

 

_I'm going to be ok, I think._

 

***

 

We arrived at Trost early in the evening the next day, bleary eyed and sore from sleeping in a cramped car for so long. 

 

The city was larger than the one I called home, with towering buildings poking their heads up near the center of the settlement and plenty of people to add to the monstrous traffic that we encountered as soon as we were a good few blocks away from downtown.

 

Commuters and other busy citizens lined the sidewalks on either side of the street, eager to get wherever they were going. It looked crowded and claustrophobic and ultimately unsanitary, having everyone pressed together so close. They were all breathing in eachother's already used and reused air; I wondered how anyone could breathe at all.

 

Hanji steered us away from the bustling streets of Downtown Trost and into a more shady-looking area of town. The businesses looked seedier and the streets a lot more desolate, but she wasn't deterred. She pulled into the parking lot of a sketchy motel, put the car in park and jumped out before I could protest.

 

_Sure, we don't have enough money to spend on a luxury hotel, but that doesn't mean I want to sleep in the dump. Who knows what's crawling around in the shadows?_

 

Knowing that Hanji wouldn't be affected by any arguments I made, I chose to trail behind the woman as she made her way to the little lobby, grumbling and making sure to look as unhappy as possible.

 

The door chimed on our way in, announcing our arrival to the hunched old man sitting behind the counter, reading a dusty-looking book.

 

He looked up, a bit startled, but smiled when he saw Hanji's wide smile. "We need a room with two beds, please!"

 

"Alright..." he trailed off, looking down at something hidden behind the counter. He seemed to have found what he was searching for because he reached down and quickly grasped something in his hand. "Ah! Here we are. Room number 11." The man set a key down on the counter and Hanji snatched it up as soon as it left his fingers.

 

"Now how do you plan on paying?"

 

***

 

After Hanji had bargained down the price of our room, we'd gone back to the car to fetch our stuff and then dumped it all in our shabby motel room. From there, Hanji went right to her laptop case to try and see if she could find any new info on Eren's whereabouts while I inspected our room.

 

I have to say, it was surprisingly well-kept. No stains on the sheets, the carpet looked pretty clean, the shower wasn't sparkling but at least it wasn't moldy.

Still, I felt like crying when I thought about my trusty bottle of bleach, sitting alone behind a telephone pole in a decrepit parking lot. Not actually, because I'm not that emotional, but it did bring my mood down considerably. I could've cleaned so much with that bleach.

 

"Aha!" I heard Hanji exclaim, so I exited the bathroom where I'd been inspecting the mediocre-looking toilet and went to go see what was up. She was sitting on her bed, back resting against the headboard with her laptop open on her lap. "My calculations were right!"

 

She looked up at me, leaning against the doorway to the bathroom with my arms crossed and an eyebrow cocked and took it as a sign to continue. "According to all the buzz on Eren's facebook fanpage," _He has one of those?_ "Eren was seen in Trost about an hour ago doing skateboard tricks."

 

"Skateboarding?"

 

"Apparently one of his fans asked him to do it, even let Eren use his board. Eren was doing some pretty crazy stunts."

 

"So that was an hour ago. Where is he now?"

 

"Probably at a bar or some kind of club in the area. He usually doesn't wander far from wherever he parks his car."

 

"And where did he park his car?"

 

"Who knows!"

 

My deathly glare did nothing to scare the crazy lady.

 

"This video clip says it was taken in an area not too far from here. I say we drive down to where he was doing the tricks and then split up from there. You can look for his car while I'll check the clubs in the vicinity."

 

With a nod, we both got to our feet and were out the door.

 

*** 

 

It was already getting dark by the time we parked at the skatepark where Eren had been spotted. Hanji locked her car after we'd both gotten out and then said her goodbyes, heading down the street to start her search.

 

I stood there for a moment, looking around and wondering where to start. The city was so big, and Hanji didn't really give me any specifics except for the fact that he "usually doesn't go far from where he parks his car." He could be anywhere.

 

Choosing a direction at random, I began putting distance between myself and the skatepark. I walked across the street and down a back alley, figuring that Eren probably wouldn't choose a crowded place to hangout in.  

 

The alley was dark, with tall red-brick buildings bordering its sides. I traveled its length, which was only cut off by other streets crossing its path, for about half an hour. When one alley ended, I chose the next closest one and kept going. 

 

Eventually, I started to notice how my surroundings had changed. Judging by the increase of grafiti on the walls and the reduction of working street lamps, I'd say I'd ended up in a bad part of town. I exited the alley I was patrolling, onto the sidewalk lining what looked to be the main street of the neighborhood. It was lined with shabby businesses and stores, and behind those blossomed groups of small, run down homes.

 

And then I spotted it: Across the street stood a squat building - a night club, by the looks of it - and beside it was a large, vacant looking building. Behind the building I could just see a desolate parking lot, and in plain view was a car that looked exactly like Eren's. 

 

I sprinted across the street even though their were no oncoming cars to try to dodge, and all the way around the building to the parking lot. I didn't stop until I could make out the liscense plate on the back of the car, and even then I only slowed to a jog.

 

The numbers on the plate matched the ones from my memory. _Could it really be him?_  


 

Just then, I heard a door slam and whirled around. It was pushed hard enough to swing wide open and hit the wall beside it, and out came a stumbling figure from the back door of the nightclub beside the parking lot I stood in.

 

I squinted to try and make out the features of the man that walked towards me. The closer he got, the more and more he resembled Eren, but I'd already been waiting so long and I didn't want to get my hopes up just yet.

 

Still, I kept my eyes locked on his approaching form. I was able to make out a dark blue hoodie with the hood pulled up to cover his head, dark blue skinny jeans, a ratty pair of runners. Finally, he walked under one of the only working street lights in the vicinity and it illuminated his face. 

 

Blue-green eyes, small nose, pink lips. Messy brown hair peeking out from underneath his hood. He looked like shit.

 

"Levi?" Came a slurred voice. I just stood beside his car, hip cocked and arms crossed. I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do with the intoxicated mess before me.

 

"It is you!" he exclaimed once he was only a few feet away. "You look _beautiful!_ "

 

"Um..."

 

"And you came all this way to find _me?"_ he half-heartedly pressed a hand to his chest. "I'm touched."

 

"You're a mess." I said, not amused.

 

"Hey now. Don't be rude. _Come'ere_." He'd finally gotten close, and he reached forward and roughly pulled me into a hug. My face pressed into his sweater and he held me there tightly, pressing our bodies together as close as possible. He sighed loudly while I tried not to breathe in the sweaty odor that wafted from his sweater.

 

After a moment, I got fed up and shoved him away.

 

"You stink."

 

He cracked a grin. "Well it's not like I've been able to shower very often."

 

He seemed totally out of it, completely different from how he'd sounded on the phone. This wasn't just drunkeness, this was...

 

"Fuck, you're so _hot_." Suddenly I was being pressed back against Eren's car, his lips pressing sloppily against mine. In shock and maybe a bit of relief at finding him, I let him kiss me and might've even kissed him back.

 

Not long after, he started to let his hands roam, running down my arms and over my chest, down to squeeze my hips and pull them forward to his as he rutted up against me. His fingers pushed under my shirt, running over my abs while he moaned delightedly as if it was his first time ever feeling them. 

 

He sounded like an extremely horny virgin.

 

Snapping to my senses, I pushed him back far enough to get his lips off mine and asked, "What's wrong with you?"

 

With a smirk, Eren pulled away and dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out a little dime bag which held two little pills. "Want one?"

 

"What is it?" I asked skeptically.

 

"Doesn't matter. It makes you super fucking happy and _horny_."

 

I stared at him with a blank look on my face. Since when did Eren do drugs? And he was offering them to me? In the back of my mind, there was a distinct warning going off, telling me not to take it, but my hand was already reaching out, palm up while Eren smiled wide and dropped the little red pill into it. I couldn't deny the fact that I'd been craving an escape for a while; anything to get out of my head for a bit. He took the other one, and we both swallowed them quickly.

 

I had time to worry about the consequences of this decision, but by then it was too late and Eren was pressing me up against the car once again. He didn't hold back, attacking me with his mouth and teeth while his fingers splayed across the bare skin of my hips underneath my shirt. He was grinding up against me in a fierce rhythm, relentlessly digging his claws into my skin and pulling me ever closer.

I placed my hands over his and wrenched them off me, turning me head to dislodge his lips. Once he got the idea and took less than a half step back so that we were still whisper close, I looked him in the eyes and asked, "So what the hell have you been doing?"

 

Eren whined, his rock hard boner pressing against my leg, but still answered the question. "I've been out living life, seeing the world."

 

" _Bullshit_. Why did you leave?" I pressed.

 

"Because I wanted to!"

 

"That answer's not good enough."

 

"Levi!" He whined, trying to lean back in for another kiss but I pushed his face back.

 

"I want fucking answers."

 

"I don't want to tell you right now." He groaned.

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because, it's a very serious, private secret and I can't tell you while I'm high as shit on ecstasy. My dick is so hard I could break a board with it. Please, Levi, just lemme-"

 

"Ecstasy? That's what you gave me?"

 

"Yup. Is it kicking in yet?"

 

I paused to asses how I was feeling. "Not really."

 

Eren nodded and got a mischievous look in his eyes, stepping back from me completely. He turned and started walking away.

 

"What the hell? Where are you going?" I yelled, starting after him.

 

He spun back around. "I have to take a piss. It might take a while," he said, gesturing down to the tent in his pants. "so you just sit here and relax. I'll be back in a bit." With a wide grin, he spun back around and ran to the nightclub's back door.

 

With a sigh, I planted myself down on the pavement beside Eren's car. I had a lot to process; finding Eren, getting assaulted by the mouth of the same boy who wouldn't so much as answer my texts, popping mollies. My life is just one big, atrocious disaster.

 

I don't know how long I sat there, but eventually I started to feel the drug kicking in, slowly at first, but then right when I saw Eren step out from behind the club's back door, it hit me for real. I soared up, up, so fast that all I could do was stare forward and try not to get too dizzy. I was as high as the fucking sky and it felt amazing.

 

Eren was suddenly right in front of me, the big, dopey smile on his face telling me that he was much in the same state as I. I scrambled to my feet, laughing as I stumbled and tripped forward, right into my boyfriend's strong arms.

 

We both giggled while Eren hugged me close, trailing his fingers up and down my back underneath my long-sleeved shirt. And damn, it felt amazing. Anywhere that his skin met mine tingled and felt so good, it was giving me a boner already. I couldn't help but let a blissful moan free from my throat.

 

"So I'm guessing it kicked in, then?"

 

"Uh-huh."

 

"Good." Eren purred in my ear and released me, tugging his sweater over his head and then reaching into his jeans pocket to grab his keys and unlock the car. After the door had been pulled open with a bit too much excitement, Eren climbed into the backseat and pulled me in after him.

 

We both knew that we were being completely sloppy and uncoordinated, but we really didn't care. When I kit my head on the roof of the car, it didn't even phase me. Awkwardly, Eren tried to tug off my shirt, and after he'd gotten me tangled in it, then gotten my head stuck in the neck hole, he finally managed to get it over my head. 

 

I leaned down to press my lips back to his, but the amused smirk on his face stopped me. The boy trailed his hands up my arms, following the contours of the multiple burn marks and scars that covered them. "Stegosaurus?" he mumbled curiously.

 

"Yup." I confirmed and then met his lips with mine. Eren forgot about the scars instantly.

 

Our clothes were off in no time, but not before Eren had extracted the little bottle of lube from his pants pocket. He went through the impatient task of prepping me, and we probably didn't spend as much time on it as we should've, but that thought was far from the forefront of my mind.

 

I felt happier than I think I've ever felt in my life, and I didn't feel like it would ever be bad again. It was like all my problems had suddenly vanished and all that was left was the boy on top of me, thrusting into me while we both cried out. It was the best sex I'd ever had, and I'd done some pretty kinky shit with Erwin.

 

Every touch, every sensation was amplified. Not only that, but I didn't seem to get tired. It was one wave of pleasure after another, no breaks or time to slow down. I think we might've fucked at least three times, but I really wasn't counting. 

 

When we finally decided that even though we didn't feel tired, our bodies probably did, we got dressed and went back into the nightclub. 

 

The first thing we did was make our way over to the bar and order two glasses of water, chugging them down. Eren had warned me that even if I didn't feel thirsty, I most likely was. 

 

When my water had disappeared, I set the glass down and looked around. The club was nothing special; flashing multicolored lights shone down on the large dance floor, sticky from all the spilled drinks. It didn't look like the cleanest place, but for once it didn't bother me. Sweaty bodies writhed and pressed into each other to the pulsing beat of the music, and it looked positively enticing.

 

I wrapped my fingers around Eren's wrist and tugged him into the crowd of dancers, met with no protest from the boy. We had reached the center of the floor before I finally stopped and spun to face him, and without any discussion whatsoever, we fell into rhythm with the music and eachother. Eren grabbed me possessively and turned me back around so that he could pull me against his chest. Grinding and swaying to the music, we knew that we weren't exactly being graceful but it still felt like the best dancing I'd ever done. Eren had his hands on my shimmying hips, following my movements with his own, and it felt perfect.

 

An abrupt vibration on my ass startled both Eren and I out of our intoxicated haze, and with a laugh I remembered that I had my phone shoved in my back pocket. I disentangled myself from the frightened man behind me and unlocked my phone to check my messages.

 

 

**[From][Hanji]**

 

_Where the hell are you??? Did you find him?_

 

 

Shit. I probably should've let Hanji know where I was, especially since I'm pretty sure we've been separated for hours, but I didn't feel as remorseful as I knew I should. 

 

Leaning in close so that he could hear, I was about to tell Eren that we should go find Hanji, but my words caught in my throat when my eyes locked on his full pink lips, swollen from all the attention they'd been getting. One side of his mouth ticked up in a half smirk and I knew he could see right through me, could see the desire in my dilated pupils. I fisted my hands in his shirt and pulled him in for another mindblowing kiss, completely forgetting all about Hanji.

 

Eren returned the kiss with equal eagerness and hunger, maybe even more. One arm wrapped around the small of my back and pressed us flush together while the other ran up the side of my neck and tangled itself in the hair just behind my ear. 

 

My brain couldn't process anything beyond the blissful feeling of his skin brushing against mine, our lips attacking each other feverishly and his hands trailing their fiery path all over my body.  The flashing lights and sweaty horde of people that surrounded us simply faded away, leaving me with nothing but the boy I'd spent weeks searching for.

 

We danced some more, never retracting our arms from the other, we kissed, we laughed. We whispered dirty words into eachother's ears and did a few things that would not normally be acceptable in public. It felt like we were on a totally different plane than everyone else; for them, time ticked on as it always had, but for us, there was no such thing. It felt like we'd only been together for a few minutes that had somehow lasted for days. I didn't have the mental capacity to understand the concept of time, the concept that we were all moving closer and closer to an end. Eren and I stood still, like a still patch of water in the middle of a flowing river's current.

 

"We should probably go get some more water. Who knows how long we've been shaking our asses? We're probably really fucking dehydrated." I shouted reasonably into Eren's ear.

 

"You're right." he replied with a smile before bending down, wrapping his arms around my waist and throwing me over his shoulder.

 

"What the hell?" I shouted as he straightened up, giggling.

 

"Let's go, little buddy!" He pushed his way through the crowd while I smacked his ass, laughed and told him to put me the fuck down.

 

After I'd chugged down another glass of water and gone for a piss, I pulled out my phone to check the time.

 

_Three in the morning?! When the fuck had that happened?_

 

It really hadn't seemed like we'd been here that long, but my phone begged to differ. 

And then I noticed that I had an abundance of unchecked messages, and guilt threatened to punch me in the gut. It didn't though. It felt more like one of those super long commercials that tried to pressure you into 'making a difference' by shoving sob stories in your face; you knew that it would be the right thing to pick up the phone and donate some money, but as soon as the commercial ends and your show comes back on, the guilt is easily forgotten.

 

Eren walked out of the bathroom and I looked up with a smile, dismissing the ghost of remorse that I knew was hiding in me somewhere. It didn't seem like it would be rearing its head, anyways. Not with the love drug coursing through my veins, making everything alright no matter what.

 

I'm not a complete asshole though, I read through the multiple texts demanding where I was and what the fuck I was doing, mostly just skimming through them to see if there was anything important.

 

"What are you doing?" Eren asked, watching my thumb scroll through the messages.

 

"Hanji's getting worried. We should go find her."

 

"Okay." 

 

We pushed our way through the mass of drunks to the door and I breathed in the cool night air deeply. It felt like heaven in my lungs. Looking to my side, I saw Eren doing the same thing.

 

When we reached his car, Eren spoke up again. "Where exactly is Hanji?"

 

"I think she's probably back at the motel by now."

 

Eren perked up in his spot in the driver's seat. "You guys got a motel room?" He sounded extremely excited. 

 

"Yeah..." I chuckled a bit at his enthusiasm.

 

"Dude, you gotta let me sleep in your bed! I've been sleeping in this piece of shit for so long that I think I've permanently screwed up my back."

 

Eren pulled out of the parking lot while I silently shook with laughter.

 

***

 

Eren and I were aware that we were under the influence and therefore unfit to operate a vehicle, but I think we managed alright. Eren kept his eyes glued in front of him while I yelled at him to remember everything from turning on his turn signal to stopping at a stop sign. It was probably a pretty comedic sight, both of us laughing and desperately trying to stay serious while we narrowly avoided killing ourselves on several occasions. 

 

When we finally made it back to the motel, I directed Eren to the parking spot in front of our room and he roughly turned into the space, coming to a jerky halt. I let my head fall against the headrest and let out a half-sigh-of-relief-half-disbelieving-laugh at having made it all the way there safely.

 

Outside the car, I heard a door being shoved open and my eyes reopened themselves to find Hanji standing in the doorway, looking pissed and unimpressed with Eren's terribly crooked parking job. I pushed Eren's shoulder towards his side of the car to indicate that we should get out, and we both scrambled out of the car.

 

"Hanji!" Eren greeted with a grin. "You look lovely."

 

"So you've been found, I see." She said in return, looking a bit put off by his cheerfulness right off the bat. I'm sure she expected some reluctance to be found on his part, considering how much trouble he'd gone to so far to not be found. I decided to step in and alleviate any tension.

 

"Hi Hanji." I began with a reassuring smile. (Or at least I hoped it looked reassuring. I don't smile often, so who fucking knows.) "Sorry that I didn't answer your texts, but I was busy chasing Eren through the streets because he kept trying to run from me." I threw a contemptuous look Eren's way to add to my bluff, and he in turn pretended to lower his head in shame. A grin threatened to break through my facade but I quelled it to the best of my abilities.

 

Hanji's eyes raked over Eren and I's disheveled appearances; messy sex hair, sweaty bodies and wrinkled clothes. I think we looked believable enough. 

 

"Levi finally caught up to me and we had a nice heart-to-heart, so we're all good now." Eren elaborated with his goofy grin still plastered across his face.

 

"Just like that?" Hanji asked incredulously. 

 

"Just like that." I answered with a dopey smile.

 

Eren giggled and added, "Yup, no problemos."

 

The woman flicked her eyes suspiciously between the two of us, obviously thrown off by our weird behavior, but I really didn't care if she didn't believe us. I just wrapped my fingers around my boyfriend's wrist and tugged him past Hanji and into our room.

 

"Which one's yours?" Eren asked eagerly when he saw the two perfectly made beds inside. I pointed to the one farthest from the door and Eren took the lead, dragging me along with him onto the plush queen-sized mattress. We fell in a heap, Eren on the bottom and I on top of him. Eren squirmed and wiggled until he'd gotten the blankets out from underneath him and then he threw them over top of us, covering us from head to toe.

 

His lips found mine again and soon we were both moaning and rutting against eachother, almost too wrapped up in lust to hear Hanji clear her throat, annoyed. I poked my head out from under the covers and glared at her, the harsh "What the fuck do want?" implied in the arch of my eyebrows.

 

Seeing how unlikely it was that I wanted to deal with her shit right now, she rose her hands in surrender and just said, "I'll leave you two alone, since I know it's been a long time since you've seen each other, but you'd better be quiet. I have to sleep."

 

I gave her an innocent smile, mouth wide enough to show off all my teeth. " _Of course_."

 

Needless to say, Eren and I were not quiet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So?


	23. Fuck.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What are you going to do? Tie me up and lock me in the trunk?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yesterday, my French teacher gave me an ultimatum. Either I hand in every assignment that I've missed this semester (and there's a lot of them, I kinda dropped the ball on this one, guys) by this Friday, or she's gonna fail me. Basically, I'm screwed.   
> Anyways, this week is going to be dedicated to writing French essays instead of fanfiction, so my next update might be a bit late.   
> Enjoy this, though.

**Levi's POV**

 

"Fuck, my head." A low voice grumbled close to my ear, rousing me from my sleep. I'd slept surprisingly well last night, but as alertness slowly came over my body, I started to feel the effects of my adventurous night.

 

I was lying in bed, cocooned by the boy behind me. His arm was slung over my hip and his chest was pressed against my back. We breathed together, in and out, until it became too painful for me to stay in one place without squirming. Groaning, I rolled over to face Eren. He had his eyes squeezed shut and he grimaced in pain.

 

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act now. The drugs had clearly worn off, leaving us feeling way worse than we had in the first place, and I didn't know if all the lovey-dovey shit from last night was just a product of Eren's high. What if he pushed me away? What if he runs off again? In hopes of savouring this moment as much as I could, I put my arm around him and buried my face in his chest, startling him slightly.

 

"Ugh, I think I might've over done it." He complained after opening his eyes and tightening his arm around me, which brightened my mood immeasurably.

 

"You think?" I teased, my voice muffled from being pressed into his bare chest.

 

"Shut up."

 

"Over did what?" Came a voice from the other side of the room and I craned my neck to see Hanji sitting on her bed with her laptop back in her lap, a cup of coffee held in her hands.

 

"Nothing." I assured, voice monotone and giving away nothing of our escapades.

 

"Hah! Yeah, right! I'm not an idiot Levi."

 

"You sure?" I murmured under my breath and Eren huffed a quiet chuckle.

 

"You two were acting weird as shit last night. Levi was smiling!" 

 

"So?"Eren inquired.

 

"So, that is not sober Levi behavior. That is far from sober Levi behavior. Therefore, I have to ask; What did you guys get into last night?"

 

"Drop it, Hanji." I said threateningly.

 

"Marijuana?"

 

Eren let out a snort. 

 

"Cocaine?"

 

Eren's guffaw even managed to tear a little laugh out of me, even through my pounding headache. "Keep trying, Hanj." He told her.

 

The crazy lady snapped her fingers. "Ecstasy!"

 

" _Ding ding ding_. We got a winner here, folks." Eren deadpanned.

 

"You've got to be joking."

 

Eren cracked a grin. "Nope." 

 

"Idiots!" Hanji shook her head and returned her attention to her laptop, muttering something about how we'd "better not have any more because I don't think I can last another night of those disgusting noises."

 

I dragged myself sluggishly out of bed, announcing, "I've gotta take a piss."

 

I walked over to the bathroom and closed the door behind me only to have it open about two seconds later. Turning around, my eyebrow rose in question at the sight of Eren shutting the door once again and then relaxing himself against the counter beside the toilet.

 

I began pulling my dick out of my boxers as I watched Eren, waiting for an explanation.

 

"I had to pee too." Eren blurted out.

 

"And you couldn't wait 'till I was out of the bathroom?"

 

"No." Eren said soberly. "I don't want to let you out of my sight at all."

 

My stomach squeezed and it felt like my chest compressed at his words. Feeling a minor blush coming on, I turned my back to him and began emptying my bladder. "Does that mean you'll come home?"

 

A few seconds passed by without an answer and the silence really was deafening. There was a ringing in my ears that only worsened my headache and I was growing more and more irritated. "What did you do that's so horrible, anyways?" I asked, craning my neck so I could see him.

 

Eren tensed. "I don't want to talk about it."

 

Sticking my dick back where it belonged, I whirled around and bore my eyes into his. "Nothing you've done could be worse than leaving me all alone." 

 

The defeated look on Eren's face made my stomach twist anxiously. "You don't know that."

 

Despite my doubts, I fought back against his nonsense. "Yes, I do. Now stop dancing around the subject."

 

Eren bit his lip and looked everywhere but my eyes. He really did seem torn up about something and I was dying to figure out what it was. After a long moment of hesitation, his shoulders finally slumped and he gave in. "I'm not even one hundred percent sure that it was real." He conceded in a small voice.

 

"That what was real?"

 

"My dream."

 

My eyes widened at the realization that I'd been right all along; this did have something to do with that dream of his. "Why are you beating yourself up over something that may or may not have even happened?"

 

"Because I feel like..." he trailed off, but I could see he was just gathering his words. "I feel like I know in my heart that what I did wasn't really a dream, and any doubts in my mind are selfish thoughts trying to absolve me of blame. I feel like my subconscious is trying to play it off as a dream to preserve my self image or something."

 

I waited for him to elaborate further.

 

"It's like... I know what I have to do to find out if it was all a dream or not, but I don't want to. Maybe if I keep running, no one will ever have to find out. I can still hold on to that tiny part of me that says I'm innocent. If I go back now, and figure everything out, who knows what will happen."

 

I watched him with narrow eyes. "This would be a lot easier if you'd tell me what you dreamt about."

 

"I can't." he replied quickly, almost before I'd even finished my own sentence.

 

An angry sigh accompanied the sound of footsteps on the tiled floor as I closed most of the distance between us and glared at Eren. "I won't let you leave again." I couldn't let him go, I don't know what I would do. 

 

He cocked a brow. "What are you going to do? Tie me up and lock me in the trunk?"

 

I shrugged. "Yeah, if I have to." I made sure to keep a stern facial expression, letting him know that I wasn't lying. I would do whatever it took to keep him by my side, god damn it.

 

Eren's eyes flicked back and forth between mine, trying to uncover any hint to indicate that I was bluffing. His gaze was determined, his stance confident and his mouth set in a defiant line while he looked down on me. "No you wouldn't."

 

With speed that even he couldn't dodge, I maneuvered myself behind the boy, fisted my hand in his hair and brought his head down to smash against the counter. He slumped and I caught him before he could fall to the ground and hurt himself even more; one look at his face told me he was out cold.

 

"Levi?!" Came a call from the other side of the door. "What was that banging noise?"

 

With triumphant smirk, I opened the door and dragged my unconcious boyfriend out of the bathroom, arms looped under his armpits.

 

"What happened in there?!"

 

"Nothing. Shh." 

 

I let Eren down on the floor in the middle of the room and then walked outside and over to the car. Once I'd found the duct tape that Hanji kept stored in there for "emergencies" (What kind of emergency calls for duct tape?), I headed back inside. 

 

Hanji watched me incredulously, eyes room round and mouth gaping open while I bound Eren's arms and legs together methodically.

 

"We should probably pack up and get going now, yeah?" I suggested without looking up from my task.

 

"Uh... Yeah. Yes."

 

See, that's what I like about Hanji. No matter what, I know she'll always have my back. She knows that I only want the best for Eren, and I knew she wouldn't call the cops on me for tying up my boyfriend with the intention of dragging him halfway across the country.

 

After I'd cleaned up the wound on Eren's forehead, Hanji helped me load Eren's unmoving body into the backseat of the car - I wasn't about to keep him locked in the trunk, I'm not that cruel - and I gently placed his most-likely-concussed head on a pillow and then packed another one between his head and the back of my seat to keep him from moving too much. For once I was glad that Hanji had such a compact car.

 

Hanji went to check out while I packed up the last of our things and shoved them into the trunk. I trailed around the room, checking and double checking to make sure everything was tidy and nothing was going to get left behind, until I heard Hanji open up the door behind me.

 

"What are we gonna do about Eren's car?" I asked, turning to face her.

 

"I was just thinking about that, actually. You know, I have a friend that lives in the city. I could probably call in a favor - he said he's been meaning to come down to my house for a visit, anyways, so I don't think he'd mind!"

 

I gave her a doubtful look; who would want to drive for four days straight in some stranger's car? "How would he get back?" 

 

"I would drive him, of course!"

 

With that, Hanji pulled out her phone and scrolled through the contacts before finally selecting one and pressing the phone to her ear. "Hello?" 

 

I heard an indecipherable mumble that I assumed was an answer.

 

"Hi Moblit! Guess what?" 

 

After explaining the situation, plus a bit of begging and pleading, Hanji managed to rope the man into her plan and I was struck - not for the first time - by how lucky I was to have a friend that would go through such lengths to help me out. Soon, the maniac had hung up and we went outside to sit on the hood of Hanji's car and wait for her friend.

 

The silence stretched out before us and I was surprised that Hanji wasn't talking my ear off. Finally, I decided I'd had enough.

 

"Thank you." I mumbled quietly but sincerely.

 

Hanji's head snapped to look down at me, eyes wide with shock. "What for?"

 

I averted my gaze and shook my head, not willing to explain the weird things I felt for her; I didn't want to admit that I maybe, sort of cared about her and appreciated her friendship a lot more than I let on.

 

I guess Hanji sensed what I meant without any explanation on my part because she smiled knowingly and pulled me into a tight hug, squishing me with her boobs. "You're welcome, sweetie."

 

I squirmed away from her, yelling, "Get the fuck off of me, shitty glasses!" just as a man turned the corner and saw us, raising his arm wave when he was able to make us out.

 

"Moblit!" Hanji squeaked, forgetting about the fun she was having tormenting me and hopping off the hood of the car to run up to the man. He held his arms out and she flew into them, both of them squeezing the other tightly.

 

When they were done being weird, they walked back over to where I was sitting and after a quick introduction, we were set to go. I climbed into Hanji's passenger seat while Hanji passed Eren's keys over to Moblit and then got into the car as well.

 

***

 

A moan came from the backseat a few hours later and I shifted in my seat, where I was lounging with the seat reclined and my feet up on the dash, to see how Eren was fairing.

 

"Hey, shithead, how are you feeling?"

 

"Mn, head hurts." mumbled the boy.

 

"I fucking bet it does. Do you remember what happened?"

 

He squeezed his eyes shut and didn't answer for a while, finally popping his lids back open to glare at me. "Yes."

 

"And do you know why this had to happen?" I prodded in a lecturing tone. I was going to teach this brat a lesson. (Is it odd that I call a man that's two years my superior and legally an adult a brat? _Whatever_.)

 

We had a staring contest, fighting a battle with our eyes. I could tell that Eren didn't approve of my methods, in fact, he was pretty pissed. He opened his mouth to fire some kind of angry retort at me, but I cut him off with an exacerbated sigh.

 

"What if our positions were reversed, Eren? What if I just up and left without any sort explanation, and then when you finally found me again, I told you that I wouldn't come home with you? Would you honestly be able to respect that decision?"

 

By the way that Eren's words died on his lips and his scowl crumpled as he reflected back on my words, I knew I had him. Any normal person would be able to say something along the lines of, "If it makes you happy, then I guess I would let you go." or some shit like that. But one of the reasons why Eren and I were so close was because we were so far from sane, we could only take comfort in each other. I know now that Eren hadn't left because he wanted to be away from me, and in my mind, that gave me permission to go hunt him down and then lock him up until I could knock some sense into him. I'm pretty sure Eren wouldn't do anything too differently if it were him.

 

After thinking it over, Eren finally glared up at me and said, "Fine, you win. But can you atleast untie me? This shit hurts."

 

I gave him a winning smile. "Sure, as long as you don't try to run."

 

"I won't."

 

"Promise?"

 

Eren huffed a defeated sigh. "I promise, sweetheart."

 

"Ugh, don't call me that." I said indignantly while Hanji cackled beside me.

 

I saw a truck stop coming up on our left and pointed at it, assuming Hanji would get the idea, and she did. She put her turn signal on extra early so Moblit would be able to see from behind us and then turned into the mostly vacant parking lot.

 

***

 

Once I'd cut the tape off of Eren's limbs and we'd gone into the truckstop to eat, we agreed that Hanji and Moblit should travel the rest of the way in Hanji's car while I road with Eren in his. We piled in and set off once again.

 

The ride was surprising easy, no tension or awkwardness. I prodded Eren until he told me all about his little adventure and then he teased me while I called him every harsh name I had in my arsenal. Our tone was light and easygoing, not weighed down by any possible grudges. We both silently agreed to leave the heavy talk for when we didn't have to be within a foot of eachother for hours on end.

 

Eren was in the middle of chuckling at one of his dumb jokes, ignoring my angry insults that held no real weight, when all of sudden he just stopped. His laughter died off and a look of concentration settled on his face, like he was trying to figure out a really hard math question in his head.

 

"Eren?"

 

Eren's eyes flicked over to stare into mine before they turned to the sleeves covering my arms, brows furrowed and a mixture of emotions played on his face. "Levi, can you push your sleeves up for a second?"

 

Defensiveness took over my expression, my face going flat to hide any emotion from his calculating gaze that might give me away. "Why?"

 

"Just do it."

 

"Why?" I pressed.

 

"Because! Please, baby, I need you to show me your arms." Heartbroken. That's what he looked like, and it tore me apart.

 

"Tell me why." I said quietly but firmly, shoving down the panic and guilt that was trying to take hold, making me nauseous. 

 

"Because, I remember last night, you took off your shirt and... A stegosaurus?"

 

"A stegosaurus? What the fuck?" I tried to play it off, like he was being weird and he was probably just hallucinating.

 

"No, you don't understand, just-" Before I could react, he flung his arm from the steering wheel, leaving the other to keep the car steady as he yanked my sleeve up, showing off my burns for all to see. Except there was only one person seeing them, but I'd rather have everyone else in the world gawk at my scars than the man sitting beside me.

 

"Levi... Did I...? This is my fault isn't it?"

 

I snagged the fabric of my shirt from between his fingers and pulled it back down again, as if it would erase the look on his face. "Shut up, it has nothing to do with you."

 

He didn't believe me, I could see it written all over his face. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know... I'm so fucking stupid. I should've been watching over you, keeping you safe. I knew about your self harm. I fucking saw you hurt yourself with my own eyes, and I still left. Fuck, I should've thought this through! I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean to... I didn't know." Tears flooded his eyes.

 

For some reason, his ignorance made my blood boil. "Didn't know what? You didn't know that you're the only person I love? You didn't know that you're the only thing keeping me sane? I fucking need you! And you just... Just run off without saying anything? What the fuck am I supposed to think? I thought you left because of me! Because I did something wrong!"

 

The devastated look on Eren's face pulled me from my fury and I clamped my mouth shut, eyes widening when I realized how much shit I'd just put on him.

 

  
_You're only going to push you him away again_ , whispered the little voice in my head.

 

The tears flowed freely now, down his cheeks, over his lips. He pulled the car onto the shoulder of the highway and put it in park before resting his head on the steering wheel, his whole body shaking in his sobs. "I didn't know it would hurt you so much! God, I'm such a fuck up. Fuck!"

 

"Eren-" I tried to retract what I'd said, but he interrupted me before I could take it back.

 

"Here I thought I was doing you a favor, because I am _way_ too fucked up and psychotic - or whatever - to deserve someone like you, and in the end I only made things worse. I did this to you, fuck."

 

"No, it's not-"

 

"Fuck! Shit, fuck, I fucked up. I'm sorry. I fucked up. I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry."

 

"Stop!"

 

Eren turned his head so he could see me. "Stop what?"

 

"Just stop. It's fine, you're back now. It's fucking fine."

 

"I never meant to hurt you." His eyes pleaded for me to believe him.

 

"I _know_."

 

Eren opened his mouth to say something else, probably to apologize again, but he was interrupted by the loud, obnoxious sound of my ringtone. Looking down at my phone, I realized it was Hanji calling. With a glance through the windshield, I could just make out her car parked quite a ways down.

 

"Hello?" I said, not in a friendly way, after I'd accepted the call and brought the phone up to my ear.

 

"Levi? What's going on? Why did you guys stop?"

 

"It's nothing, we'll get going in a few seconds."

 

"Okay... Are you sur-"

 

I hung up before she could try to pry any further, turning my attention back to the trembling boy beside me. "It really is okay. Just... Don't you _ever_ fucking do that to me again."

 

Biting his lip, Eren held my gaze and nodded sincerely. 

 

"Do you think you're okay to drive?"

 

"Yeah, just, gimme a second."

 

"'Kay."

 

Eren leaned over to rest his head on my shoulder and we sat for a few moments while Eren tried to calm himself down, taking deep, even breaths. In and out. I listened to him steady himself and tried not to let my curiosity get the best of me.

 

_What did Eren do to make him run away?_

 

"Okay." Eren said quietly.

 

"You're ready to go?"

 

"Yeah."

 

I ran a hand over his thigh comfortingly. "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is muy apreciado, I love you guys.


	24. So what do you say?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can guys have man-periods?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, enjoy this shit-fest of a chapter.

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

 

It's funny how you forget the simple luxuries that you take for granted everyday when you go a while without them. Home cooked meals, a shower just down the hall, Levi's bed.

 

  
_Fucking_ _Levi_ in his bed.

 

I felt like a newborn puppy; everything was suddenly so much more fascinating and magical. 

 

The first thing I did when Levi and I walked in the door, after saying goodbye to Hanji and her friend, was tug Levi towards the bathroom. Since I'd been rudely assaulted before I could even take a shower the day we left, I'd say it's been quite a while since I've been clean, and I could feel the filth underneath my nails and in my hair; I felt gross.

 

I practically jumped out of my clothes and then tugged Levi's off too, all while he just stood there and smirked at me, letting me do all the work. _Asshole._

 

After I'd turned on the shower and adjusted it to the proper temperature - Levi and I liked it to be almost scalding hot - we stepped into the shower and closed the curtain behind us. Levi had his back facing me, so I gravitated closer to him, my hands making trails down his toned body while I sucked at the junction between his neck and shoulder. 

 

Levi completely ignored my ministrations as he poured some soap onto a mesh ball and lathered it up; I took it as a challenge. (I was not one that enjoyed being denied of attention.)

 

I pulled the boy tight to my chest, my arms crossing over his rib cage and holding him close, hands slowly sliding down, following the dips and curves of his body as they went. I tugged at his ear lobe with my teeth and let out a little chuckle when my breath on the shell of his ear made him shudder. Just before my fingers could wrap around the beginnings of his erection, Levi shook me off him and whirled around.

 

"Stop it, you're filthy."

 

"Well maybe if you wouldn't ignore me, I wouldn't have to tease you so much." I replied childishly.

 

"Well someone has to get shit done around here." Levi scoffed.

 

I tried to reach out and put my hands back on him but Levi quickly smacked them away. I pouted.

 

The raven stepped forward and started rubbing sudsy circles with his mesh ball up and down my chest. I took the time to just watch him work, dark hair plastered to his face, water droplets making their paths all down his perfect body. Fuck, he was so beautiful.

 

"Mn, you're getting hard just looking at me, aren't you?" Levi purred as he brought the mesh ball lower and lower, until it was almost touching my dick. Almost, but not quite. I could only hum in agreement.

 

"Turn around." he ordered and I obeyed without hesitation. Now it was Levi's turn to press up against me, one hand doing the job of scrubbing down my arms while the other closed around the base of my shaft. The dual sensation of the rough scrubbing trailing over my body and the hand that slowly pumped my dick was a confusing but pleasurable experience. 

 

"You're fucking _mine_ , you little shit. You need to be taught a lesson." He whispered breathily in my ear. It only served to bring me closer to the edge, along with the increasing pace of his hand. Soon, I was close, so close, moaning and telling Levi that I love him.

 

"I know you do, brat." And then, right before I thought that I was ready to spew everywhere, Levi pulled his had away, smacked my ass and backed away. I turned around to find him leisurely cleaning himself, paying me no attention whatsoever. 

 

"What the fuck, Levi?" I whined.

 

"Problem?"

 

I gestured to my painful erection. "Uh, yeah."

 

Levi eyed my dick with a smirk. " _Too bad."_

 

I groaned and moved one hand to take care of it myself, but Levi smacked it away. "If you ever want me to touch you again, you better leave that shit the fuck alone."

With an air of finalty, Levi turned his back to me, rinsed off and then turned off the shower. Stepping out, he only chuckled at my whines of protest.

 

***

 

"So are you going to keep me in the dark forever?" Levi asked over his plate of pancakes fresh off the pan. I sat on the other side of the table, bed head in full effect and mouth stuffed with my own syrup-drowned pancakes. I'd only just sat down after cleaning up the mess that I'd made while cooking.

 

"What?" I said around a mouthful of pancake.

 

"Just tell me what you did." 

 

I looked down at my plate, as if all my confidence and cheerful morning attitude had funneled out of my body.

 

"Eren." Came Levi's stern voice, and I reluctantly let my eyes meet his once again. I hated how he acted like he was the mature, adult one in our relationship even though I was the oldest. It wasn't fair.

 

"I don't want to talk about it." I told him sheepishly. This wasn't the kind of conversation I wanted to be having over such a sugary breakfast. It didn't seem right.

 

"When are you going to want to talk about it? This has something to do with me, so I think I deserve to know." I could hear the irritation starting to filter into his voice.

 

"Why do you keep pressuring me? I'll talk about it when I'm ready!" I snapped.

 

Levi's expression settled into the flat glare that he usually reserved for people that weren't me. It kind of hurt. "You can't keep running away from it, Eren. It's not going to go away. Nothing will go back to normal until you tell me what happened."

 

"Fuck you, Levi! You have no fucking idea what you're asking from me!" A distant voice was telling me to calm down and be rational, but I'd never really been a rational kind of guy in the first place. I was a hot head and it would be the death of me.

 

"Well maybe if you would fucking _tell me_ -"

 

I cut Levi off with a frustrated yell and shoved the table away from me, storming out of the kitchen.  Right as I was through the entryway, I heard a crash. Something had hit the wall only a few inches away from my head.

 

I whirled back around to see Levi watching me with a deep scowl on his face, and then turned my attention to the puddle of syrup at my feet. Levi had thrown the glass bottle of syrup at my fucking head, and now it was all over the walls and the floor.

 

"You dumb ass, what the fuck were you trying to do? Kill me?"

 

Levi scoffed. "Relax. If I wanted to hit you, I would've."

 

"That doesn't excuse the fact that you got syrup fucking everywhere!"

 

"Then don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you."

 

A fresh wave of rage washed over me at his words. "God, you can be so fucking selfish sometimes, you know that?"

 

"Ofcourse I do. It's never seemed to bother you before." Levi retorted.

 

"Well it is now! You're such an asshole, why would I tell you anything? What reason do I have for trusting you?" 

 

Gathering from the way Levi's face contorted, it looked like I'd punched him in the stomach.

 

" _Low blow, Eren. You don't mean that_." Spoke the little voice in the back of my head. I told it to shut the fuck up.

 

In a flash, everything that had been on the table was sent crashing to the floor. Levi shoved the table away from him and stood, kicking plates out of his way as he stomped over to me. "How can you say that? What have I ever done to make you not trust me?" He yelled in my face.

 

I just glared at him, choosing not to answer. I knew I was pissed off for no reason, and I guess I knew that I was just trying to escape telling him anything, but the fear of him finding out what I'd done was real, and paralyzing, and I couldn't think of another way to handle this.

 

Levi's expression became even more livid at my silence. "You know what? Fuck you!" He spun around and smacked a glass off the counter, letting it shatter on the kitchen tile.

 

"Levi, you need to calm down." I cautioned quietly, wide eyed and staring at the mess he'd made. I'd never seen Levi like this. It was kind of scary.

 

"Calm down? Fuck you!" Levi kicked some glass at me. "Fuck, just get out! _Get_ _out!"_

 

"Levi, I'm-"

 

"Get. _Out_." Levi trapped me in his stern glare, daring me to disobey him. 

 

"Fine." I surrendered quietly, turning to head for the door. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

 

Fuck Eren. Snot nosed little brat. Green eyed monster. Troubled teen with psychotic tendencies but a heart of gold. (Or some shit like that.)

 

How fucking dare he tell me that I'm not trustworthy. I fucking drove for _days_ to find him after he left without a word, and _I'm_ the untrustworthy one? Where the fuck is the logic in that?

 

" _Don't be so mean to him. He can't help being afraid to hurt you_." Whispered my subconscious.

 

_Shut up you little prick, no one asked for your opinion._

 

I stared down at the mess I'd made of the kitchen. Why did I fly off the handle like that? I honestly have no excuse. I just... Ever since I found out that Eren was hiding something from me, I've just felt this growing tension between us, and it only got worse with time. I've been irritable since I'd found the boy.

 

_Or maybe I'm on my period? Can guys have man-periods? Like, just the hormone part, not the murder-scene-in-your-underwear part?_

 

" _Seriously? You're a dumbass."_

 

"Shut up!" I yelled into the empty house before realizing that the only one talking was the voice in my head.

 

After standing frozen for about ten minutes, afraid to disturb the odd sense of discord that lingered in the room, I finally set myself into motion and went to get some cleaning supplies. After a bit of work, all the glass had been swept up, the plates washed and put away, and the food picked up off the floor. The only thing left was the syrup that ran down the wall and pooled on the floor. 

 

I scrubbed at it with a kind of vigor that I didn't realize I'd missed; I'd been gone so long that I'd forgotten how nice it feels to just throw yourself into the task at hand. Everything else fell away while I thoroughly removed the stickiness from the room; I wouldn't tolerate any leftover sticky spots that would inevitably collect dirt and terrorize me every time I walked into the kitchen.

 

When everything was finally in order, I didn't know what to do with myself. I just sat there on the floor, phone in hand. After a few minutes, I unlocked it.

 

 

**[To][Eren]**

 

_Where are you?_

 

 

 My phone vibrated in my hands not even a minute later. I couldn't help the small grin that broke over my face at his answer. The little shit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
**Eren's POV**  

 

 

I wandered aimlessly around the neighborhood for a while, but I wasn't really sure where to go. I could go visit Armin or Mikasa, but for some reason I just didn't want to. I'd put up a wall between me and them and I still wasn't sure who I was trying to protect.

 

In the end, my feet had carried me in a large circle, all the way back to Levi's house. A humorless laugh left my lips at my own pathetic existence. I felt like a little kid that had run away only to show back up half an hour later. Pitiful.

 

I didn't go inside just yet, unsure of how Levi would react to my reappearance. I didn't want him to start throwing things again. 

 

I felt like a piece of shit; I don't know why I started that fight. I don't know why I continued it. It just felt good to yell and scream at someone, to let it all out. I've always enjoyed arguing, though it gets me in a lot of trouble, for the most part.

 

Somehow I ended up at the place of my nightmares; the stretch of soil between the side of Levi's house and the fence. The dirt wasn't even; it rose suspiciously in a shallow hill in one spot, and suddenly everything seemed all to real for me to handle.

 

"Shit." I muttered, lightheaded, and let myself crumple to the ground. I sat curled in a ball, back leaning against the fence, arms tight around my legs and face hidden between my knees. 

 

_I killed them. I know I did._

 

I tried to even out my shuddering breaths, jumping lightly when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

 

 

**[From][Levi]**

 

_Where are you?_

 

 

 

**[To][Levi]**

 

_In the backyard._

 

 

I questioned the intelligence of my decision to tell Levi where I was, but by then it was too late. I tried to curl back up when no new texts came immediately after that, but I didn't get to brood for long. The sound of the sliding glass door opening and closing reached my ears, followed by footsteps, and then Levi was there, looking down on me with a concerned -but amused- look on his face. 

 

"What?" I croaked. 

 

"You didn't even leave- Are you crying?" The amusement drained from his eyes.

 

I hastily brought a hand up to wipe under my eyes; it came back wet with tears. When had I started crying?

 

Levi plopped down on the ground beside me and pried one of my hands from its death grip around my legs, fitting his fingers with mine. It was a small gesture, but comforting none the less.

 

"Why are you sitting out here?" Levi asked, knowing there were plenty of other places I could be.

 

I shook my head, choosing instead to answer one of his other questions. My free hand rose to point at the little mound of packed dirt a few feet in front of us. "Right there."

 

Levi looked confused. "What?"

 

"Go get a shovel." My voice was shaky and I felt a few more tears roll down my cheeks.

 

"This was in your dream?" I nodded.

 

Levi got to his feet and walked over to the shed, leaving me to try and calm myself down before I had a full scale panic attack. Ugh, this was the worst. _I_ was supposed to be the strong one, the one that takes care of Levi, and here I was sniffling on the ground like a fucking baby. All because of a dream.

 

When Levi reappeared, shovel in hand, I took a deep breath and tried to look as composed as possible. I stood and took the shovel from his hand, stepping over to the spot where I knew - _I knew_ \- his parents were buried.

 

_Can I really do this?_

 

I drove the shovel into the earth and chose not to think about it anymore, just letting my body go through the motions while I stared off into space.

 

After a long time spent digging, my shovel finally hit something hard, making a clanking noise.

 

"What was that?" I heard Levi ask, peering over the edge into the hole, but I couldn't answer him.

 

The shovel had already fallen from my hands, forgotten, while I scrambled desperately out of the hole and onto flat ground. As soon as I'd reached the grass of Levi's backyard, I collapsed on the ground, hiding my face in my hands while I sobbed.

 

_It was all real. I'm a fucking monster._

 

I heard a scraping sound, so I peeked through my fingers to find Levi standing in the hole now, digging up his mother's suitcase. 

 

I should've stopped him. I wanted to run over there and tackle him or something; anything to stop him from finding out who's suitcase that was. I needed to stop him before he uncovered the bodies underneath it. But I was paralyzed, unable to function enough to get off the ground. I just laid there, shaking and crying and begging him in my mind to stop.

 

Out came one suitcase, and Levi's face showcased a look of pure confusion.

 

The next suitcase came soon after, and as it thumped to the ground next to the hole, Levi turned to me, eyes wide. 

 

He's seen the bodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like you all to know, I get in a lot of fights with my older brother that have actually ended up with syrup all over the walls, noodles on the carpet, and broken glass in the kitchen. Ergo, Levi and Eren's fight was one hundred percent realistic. Sometimes you just feel like throwing things.
> 
> Anyways, sorry for the cliff-hanger, but I'm gonna try to get the next chapter up asap.  
> Also, After this chapter, I'm shooting for about two more, but honestly, who knows.


	25. Do You Want Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have to get rid of them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last one!!! I can't even believe it, ugh.  
> I'm probably gonna take a break from writing for a while, unless of course I get bored during the summer. I don't want to commit to another long fic, because honestly, I probably wouldn't have the drive to finish it.  
> I don't want to completely stop writing though, so if any of you guys have any requests, either ones that go with this fic or not, lemme know in either the comments or on [my tumblr.](http://fmaloser.tumblr.com/)  
> Enjoy!

**Eren's POV**

 

Levi climbed out of the grave and walked over to me, brows furrowed. "Eren..."

 

I kept my face hidden and didn't answer him.

 

"Eren, look at me."

 

Reluctantly, I removed my hands and looked into his eyes. Something was churning in their dark grey, but I couldn't make out what it was. Why wasn't he yelling at me yet?

 

"Are those... my parents?"

 

Fresh tears welled up in my eyes as I nodded, waiting for everything to come crashing down on me.

 

"And... You're the one that put them there?" He pressed.

 

I nodded again.

 

Levi stared at me, serious at first, but then I noticed that his face was getting redder and redder, like he was holding his breath.  It looked like he was going to explode. Finally, a hysterical laugh burst out of him. Tears gathered in his eyes while he laughed until he couldn't breathe, gasping for air and knees buckling under him. He fell to the ground, hands clutching his sides while he cackled like a mad man.

 

I just watched him with wide, scared eyes, until he finally calmed down and made eye contact with me once again. Wiping a stray tear from underneath his eye with his finger, he asked with an amused tone, "How did that even happen?"

 

"W-Why aren't you, like, mad? Why aren't you yelling at me? I killed your parents!"

 

Levi crawled over to me and wrapped me in his embrace. "Eren," he said soothingly, petting me on the head like some kind of dog and I was ashamed that I liked it. "I've hated my parents for a long time now. Do you really think I'd risk losing you over anything to do with them?"

 

"But I-"

 

"I don't care if you murdered them. I really don't. I'm sure you had a good reason and honestly, I probably would've done it myself if I had the chance."

 

A relieved sigh was my only answer.

 

"Now, tell me, how did this happen?"

 

"W-well, they - uh - they showed up at your door while you were sleeping, and I didn't want to wake you..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

  
So, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. Eren's snuggled up in my arms, nervously telling me the story of how he bound my parents with duct tape and then stabbed them to death, and here I am, fucking _laughing_ of all things. I couldn't help it.

 

A small part of me felt disgusted, but I didn't know if it was aimed at Eren or myself. Who laughs when their parents die?

 

Apparently I do. _Great._ Now I have to go and add my name to the list of psychopaths I know, right under Eren's. Whatever.

 

What's worse, though, was that I found it... _Hot_. With Eren detailing how he scolded my parents for abandoning me, how he did it all to protect me, _Jesus Christ_. It was thrilling, this taboo feeling, knowing the person you love would literally kill for you. I mean, sure, it was pretty fucked up and definitely not something to be proud of but _damn_ , I _was_ proud of him in the weirdest way. It was kinky as shit, the way I wanted to fuck him right there.

 

But I wasn't kinky enough to fuck with my dead parents watching. _Hell no_.

 

So I pulled Eren up by tugging his hands, leading him over to the hole so we could bury those sons of bitches once again. Put them back where they belonged: as close to hell as possible.

 

Eren had relaxed a bit now that he knew that I wasn't going to throw him out of my house or call the police, but he was still wary. He wouldn't hold eye contact for more than the length of time it took to deflect his gaze elsewhere. I wanted to convince him that I forgave him. (Not that I'd been angry in the first place.)

 

My father's suitcase fell back into the hole, covering up the corpses of my family. Next went my mom's, to which I gave an extra-harsh kick as a last little _Fuck You_ to that bitch. And lastly, we took turns shoveling the dirt back into the grave, packing it down to blend in with the earth surrounding it.

 

I questioned the intelligence of keeping the people you murdered that close to home - If they were ever to be found, it wouldn't be hard to find the culprit - but I honestly couldn't think of anything better to do with them. Or maybe I was just lazy. Either way, as long as no one came nosing around my back yard any time soon, we were good to go.

 

As soon as everything in the backyard was back in order, I was tugging on Eren's sleeve, dragging him into the house. I made him wash his dirty hands and then removed his filthy T-shirt and jeans while he just stared at me, dumbfounded. He opened his mouth to voice his confusion but he couldn't say anything because my lips were on his and I was kissing him hard, waiting for him to kiss me back. He was still hesitant, still acting like a kicked puppy and it was pissing me off. I managed to coax him into making out with me, though, and soon my clothes were off as well and he was pressing me up against the large window in the living room, uncaring of any afternoon walkers going about their innocent business.

 

When he finally pulled back, the hunger was back in his eyes along with a ferocity that almost scared me, a cocky grin on his face. "Are you trying to tell me that after all my stressing, this _turns you on_?"

 

"Uh-huh"

 

" _Well fuck_." he muttered and then went to attack my neck, biting and sucking, _ugh_ , I loved him. No, I love him. _Present tense._

 

"I love you." I told him, short of breath but sincere, and I think that was all it took for the last shred of doubt, the last morsel of control, to be flushed from Eren's mind. He circled his arms behind me and gripped my thighs, picking me up so he could carry me over to the bedroom.

 

***

 

Tousled hair, panting breaths, sticky with sweat but never giving a fuck. Tangled limbs, possessive hand on my hip, blissful sigh of contentedness and teeth grazing my ear, whispering, "I really am sorry."

 

His words are earnest but completely unnecessary. Appreciated, because I feel like maybe I'm supposed to feel angry about all this and maybe his apologies will give me an excuse to say, " _It's alright_." and we can forget about it and move on.

 

"It's okay." I say and I think, _it really is. It's okay. We're okay_.

 

I had a cat for a short period of time when I was eight or nine; I found it on the street, starving, and took it home. Of course, I couldn't take it inside because my parents would probably scream at me, but I got him a little kitty bed and hid it under the deck along with a bowl of water and a bowl of food. I spent a lot of time with him, out in the back yard while my parents were doing who-knows-what. That was back when I didn't have any friends, so I guess you could say the little shit was my first.

 

A few months later, he got hit by a car.

 

I didn't cry when he died. I think about that a lot. I think I might've loved him, in that special way you love a pet, but love was kind of a foreign concept to me back then; I'd heard enough about it to know that I wanted it, but not enough to know how it feels.

 

I wasn't even upset when I found out my parents were murdered. I feel like this is a big deal. I feel like somewhere along the way, something in my brain went wrong, something isn't right. I don't know how to love, I only know Eren.

 

You're supposed to love your parents. But I don't think I did.

 

It makes me question things. If you're supposed to love your parents, if what I feel for my parents is 'love', then what do I feel for Eren? Why do we use the same word to describe what we feel for our family and what we feel for our significant-others when they're clearly two different things?

 

"What's going on in there?" I heard Eren ask, pressing his thumb to the spot between both my eyes where a crease had formed in order to smooth it out. He was watching with these eyes that I'd come to know, ones that looked at me in a way that I'd never seen them look at anybody else. He looked like he cared.

 

I laughed it off. "Nothing." I said it calmly, and I believed what I said. It was nothing, I was being stupid.

 

My parents never cared about me and I don't care about them. That is not love.

 

I may have only ever loved one person, one person may have only loved me, but it was right. Eren was the only one I needed. (And _maybe_ Hanji, but only for short periods of time.)

 

"Okay." Eren replied with a small smile, just as the doorbell rang.

 

I groaned, covering my head with the blanket. "How come we always get interrupted when we're in bed?"

 

An insistent knock sounded throughout the house; whoever was out there was not very patient. _Dickwads._

 

Eren rolled out of bed and fell onto the floor because that's what he does; he never just gets up like a civilized person, he rolls until there's no bed or couch left and then once he's on the ground, he says he has enough pain to motivate him to move his ass. Great strategy. Excellent execution.

 

I let him handle whoever the fuck was ruining my day and buried my face in my pillow to wallow in sadness, mourning my lost cuddle time like the little bitch I've become.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

  
"Mikasa?" Was the word that fell from my idiot mouth when I opened the door to find my sister looking like she wanted to bite my head off, her little blond mushroom just visible behind her.

 

Before I could get over the initial shock of seeing her after so long, she was pushing her way past me and into the house, towing Armin behind her.

 

"But... _What?"_ I floundered, not in the brightest of mindsets, you know, post fuck and all that. I was clad in only a pair of low-hanging sweat pants and I felt weirdly exposed, like I was doing something indecent just by standing there in front of my sister dressed like this. I could walk around naked in front of anyone, but Mikasa has the special sister privilege. And by privilege I mean she's my sister and that's gross.

 

Mikasa looked positively fed up, even though I'd only been in her presence for like, half a minute, while Armin was swooning, practically drooling at my semi-nakedness. His eyes roamed over my chest with a hunger that he was obviously trying to hide and I don't know, it was kind of empowering. It was a great boost to my already enormous ego, but at the same time, it made me feel dirty.

 

I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind, anything to get him to stop looking at me like I was a piece of meat.

 

"So how are things with jean?"

 

Like magic, Armin seemed to snap to his senses and come out of his trance, eyes flickering up to meet mine. "Oh, um, good, i guess?"

 

I nodded, unsure what to say after that. It seemed that Mikasa had had enough of our awkward small talk because she cleared her throat rather obviously and we both turned our attention over to her.

 

Raising an eyebrow to perfect my I-don't-give-a-shit ensemble, complete with shaggy sex hair, practically no clothes and a flat expression, I gave Mikasa a look that said, " _What the fuck do you want?"_ Yes, a bit harsh, but she was killing my makeup-sex high and cutting into my nap time. Also, she kept glaring at me. Scary. I needed to assert some kind of male dominance or maybe just grow some balls.

 

"Why are you avoiding us? I can't stand it anymore, I need to know. Is it because of Levi? Is he hurting you or forcing you to-"

 

"Mikasa stop. This has nothing to do with him." Except maybe it did. Maybe I had this fucked up image of Mikasa trying to separate us just because she could and I couldn't let that happen. The fact that she was here, now, accusing Levi of controling me was only reinforcing my worries and I was scared. It was like a snake wrapped around my neck, whispering lies in my ear. They weren't true, Mikasa and Armin would never do anything to hurt me, but I couldn't get it out of my head. I was slowly suffocating.

 

" _You have to get rid of them_." But I didn't want to.

 

But then, while Mikasa went on a long, emotional rant about how I wasn't being fair to them and how much it hurt, I looked over at Armin and something in me cracked. There were tears in his surrendered gaze, as if this was more of a goodbye than a reconciliation. Like he knew that this was the end of the line for us.

 

_Why would he think that? Could he read what I was thinking?_

 

I felt a hand on my hip and suddenly Levi was there, holding me close as I fell apart on the inside. I'd put on a brave face in front of my two best friends for so long, treating them like shit to sate my own fucked up delusions while they just took it. They took all my bullshit without ever calling me out on it, even though they had no idea what was going on. They had no idea how shitty of a person I really was.

 

It was an awkward meeting; Mikasa glaring daggers at Levi, face half covered in her scarf to hide the broken frown on her face, trying to keep it together. Armin, crying silently like he'd already given up. Levi, wrapping an arm around my waist protectively, practically snarling at my sister. And me, loving them all in their own ways and fighting this pointless battle in my mind.

 

The answer was clear: I couldn't let them go.

 

"I'm sorry. I really am." I told them, looking both my friends in the eye while the tears came flooding out. I didn't want them to leave me.

 

Armin visibly relaxed and Mikasa let out a little huff, both of them rushing forward to envelop me in a hug. Levi stepped back, antsy and nervous about letting other people touch his boy, but I wasn't going to let that get to me. I know I made the right choice.

 

***

 

Armin, Mikasa, Levi and I all sat down in the living room and had a long talk. We brought each other up to speed on what had been happening in our lives, said our apologies and I think our bond became strong once again.

 

At first, Levi had been snappy and wouldn't leave my side, but eventually he relaxed after I reassured him multipile times that I would never, ever leave him. I'd learned my lesson; Levi belonged by my side.

 

They stayed over for hours and we had fun. We watched a movie, Mikasa and I made dinner, Armin and Levi got better acquainted. It wasn't perfect - we were a bit of a dysfunctional family - but we're all we have.

 

For the first time in forever, I went to bed completely stress free.

 

Until I remembered that Levi and I had both skipped out on our exams and had effectively flunked our courses. Fucking great.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

  
I felt Eren tense next to me in bed and rolled over to see what was up. He'd seemed so happy and relaxed all day, I didn't see why he would get stressed now.

 

"School." Eren said once I'd turned to face him, as if he knew I would ask.

 

"Ah," I replied, realizing what this was about. "I guess we kind of fucked that one up, didn't we?"

 

"You didn't do anything. This is all my fault. You were doing so well..."

 

I sighed. "It's okay, Eren."

 

"No it's not!" He yelled, sitting up angrily. "If I hadn't freaked out, you could've passed. And I would've been completely done with school. I keep fucking everything up!"

 

"Shh, Eren, we'll figure out a way to fix this, I promise. Right now, though, you just have to relax and go to sleep. There's nothing you can do."

 

Eren slumped back down and suggled close to me. "Fine." he mutter sulkily.

 

***

 

The next day, Eren had promised Armin and Mikasa that they'd all go out together and catch up some more, so I had the day to myself.

 

Eren fluttered around anxiously all morning, apologizing profusely for going out without me. "Really, Levi, if you don't want me to go, I totally understand. Just don't be mad at me."

 

Truthfully, I could feel the jealousy knawing at my stomach, churning up contempt for the two little piss ants that decided to just storm in here and claim Eren for themselves. I don't care who they were, Eren was mine.

 

I had to pinch myself a few times to stop myself from fantasizing differents ways that I could punish them, only because I knew that they made Eren happy. He seemed a lot more upbeat now that he didn't have the nagging guilt looming over him from completely shutting out his two best friends. I knew that he felt bad for wanting to be around his friends and I told myself that I could trust him; he wouldn't leave me.

 

So Eren left with a few more apologies that I tried my hardest to take to heart, and then I was alone. It was better that way anyways, because I had someone that needed to be payed a visit.

 

***

 

I knocked seven times on the door, exactly the same as I used to all that time ago. The wait was short - that hadn't changed either - and the door opened to reveal a tall, blond man who towered over me. A mask of surprise was worn on his face, shocked blue eyes and pale pink lips parted in shock.

 

"Levi?"

 

"Erwin. Care to let me in?"

 

Erwin quickly composed himself, coaxing his expression into one of mild intrigue. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

 

"Cut the crap Erwin, I need a favour and I don't have time for formalities." Truthfully, I didn't want to be here any longer than absolutely necessary.

 

Chuckling, Erwin moved aside and gestured for me to come in, letting me take the lead. I kept my face and my actions calm and disconnected; I didn't care about the man behind me at all anymore. I wouldn't let him get to me.

 

I lead us to the living room and took a seat on the couch, slouching to get comfortable. Erwin sat on the other end, watching me carefully, waiting to find out what this was all about.

 

"So in case you didn't know, I missed my exams."

 

A small smile graced Erwin's features. "I noticed. I really thought you were just getting it together, too. I guess some people just aren't meant to live a respectable life."

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"Well, you know, with all the whoring around and using sexual favours to get your way, I didn't really expect much greatness from you in the first place. We all know what kind of life style you're most suited to." He explained, assumed-superiority evident in his voice.

 

Fury bubbled up inside me and I forgot all about my composure, jumping to my feet and stomping over so I could stand right in front of him and glare down at his smug face.

 

"Fuck you, Erwin. I don't do that shit anymore."

 

"Oh, so you're not fucking your tutor just to get him to comply to your every whim?"

 

"No! Now, shut up before I fucking punch you in the face. I didn't come here to fight."

 

"Yes, why did you come here, Levi?" Erwin purred, a playful glint in his eye. He was baiting me.

 

"I need you to let Eren and I take our exams. You can supervise them."

 

"Why would I do that?"

 

"Because you owe me. You used me and then threw me out like a piece of trash! I think I deserve at least a chance at getting my life back on track."

 

Erwin looked thoughtful for a moment before sitting forward and placing a hand on my hip. "Do I get anything in return?" He inquired, eyes dangerous with sexual charge. I couldn't deny that he was tempting, all sensual grace and low, delicate whispers.

 

"No." I said sternly, forcing myself to push his hand off me.

 

Erwin stood up and backed me into a chair a few feet behind me, the seat hitting my knees and making me fall into it. "Come on, Levi..."

 

"No, Erwin. I'm in a relationship."

 

"With your tutor, I know." He answered dismissively, like he wasn't actually paying any attention to the conversation. His legs trapped me in my seat, one hand on each of the chair's arms as he leaned down, closer, until his lips were only an inch from mine. "You know you want to."

 

I could only stare up at him while he closed the distance between our lips, kissing me firmly, like I didn't have any choice but to kiss back. He wouldn't allow anything less.

 

At first I was shocked, frozen, and I just let him move his lips against mine, gasping when I felt his hand travel up my inner thigh to cup my crotch. He used this opportunity to stick his tongue in my mouth, and that's when I decided I'd had enough. I bit down, not hard enough to cause any real damage,  just hard enough to scare him into letting me go. As soon as he jerked his head back, I pushed him away from me and stood up.

 

"I'm not like that anymore, Erwin."

 

Erwin sighed. "Yeah, I can see that." He watched me longingly for a second before giving me a mildly apologetic look. "I'll let you two take your exams. Come to the school next monday, eight o'clock."

 

"Thank you." I was relieved; Eren would be ecstatic.

 

"If I may ask, though, why did you miss them in the first place?"

 

"Actually, no, you may not ask, asshole. It's complicated." Erwin furrowed his brows at the unsavory name-calling, but I just turned on my heel and started back towards the door. "See you Monday!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ily guys a lot, your comments are what kept me from abandoning this fic halfway through. Thank you.


	26. Or Do You Want Me Dead?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you know how much this fucking hurts?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it guys. Fuck.  
> I thought this was a good thing but now I'm really sad. I hate writing, ugh.  
> Just, go on. Read it. Hate it because it's the end and that's what you're supposed to do. In my opinion, you can't like the ending if you really liked the story.

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

 

I left Erwin's house feeling proud of myself, but the feeling didn't last long. As I walked past all the cookie cutter houses on Erwin's block, I felt this familiar feeling of dread seep into my positive thoughts, corrupting them all.

 

He touched me.

 

I needed a shower, I needed to get it off me. 

 

I didn't notice when I'd started scratching, but the delicate skin on my arms was rubbed raw and bleeding in a few spots by the time I got to the bus stop. I was shaking and I didn't know why.

 

_Why am I so weak?_

 

It was like all my self-hatred had been collected in a large container and then poured over my head. I thought I was finally getting better with Eren back and everything in order, but all it took was a look at Erwin's face and - _fuck._

 

I was pulling my hair out, trembling like I'd just helplessly witnessed my parents getting murdered - _ha!_ \- curled up in the vacant bus shack. It was an odd feeling, wanting to crawl out of your own skin, but that's what I craved. I didn't want to be me, with my scarred, dry and scabbed arms and my fucked up head.

 

I couldn't think clearly, my vision was blurred and I couldn't - I couldn't breathe. It wouldn't go in. No matter how much air I forced into my lungs, it wasn't enough.

 

Nothing was ever good enough.

 

_I'm not good enough._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

 

After about an hour of walking around the mall with Armin and Mikasa, laughing at stupid jokes and goofing off like we used to, I managed to let go of the unease that I'd felt since I'd agreed to go out with them in the first place.

 

This was what I'd needed.

 

Mikasa talked about Annie, how they'd starting dating and how amazing she was. I was happy for her, I was worried I'd left her all alone without anyone but Armin. It was nice she had someone to support her.

 

Armin talked about Jean; they'd been having some problems lately, something about a boy named Marco, but they were working through it. I told Armin that I would be there for him from now on and I meant it.

 

We went to lunch; a buffet with the best fucking fried chicken I'd ever tasted. Mikasa and I loaded up our plates to maximum capacity while Armin ate a lot less, laughing at our attempts to try every food that they were serving. I guess Mikasa and I did have something in common: we liked food.

 

After I'd finished about half the food I'd piled onto my plate - I was already full but I refused to let it go to waste - my phone rang in my pocket. Pulling it out, I was hit by a wave of guilt as soon as I saw who was calling me.

 

Levi.

 

Had I been gone for too long? He said it was okay for me to go out, but I'd already been gone for a good three hours. He wasn't mad, was he?

 

I gestured to the phone, letting Mikasa and Armin know it was important, before standing up and walking away from our table.

 

"Levi?" I answered the phone and pressed it to my ear as I walked out of the restaurant.

 

At first, the only response I got was the sound of laboured breathing on the other line.

 

"Levi? Is that you? Are you okay?"

 

" _Eren_." He breathed out in his unmistakable voice, sounding relieved that I'd answered. "It's okay, I'm fine." He rasped and I didn't believe him for a second.

 

"What's wrong, Levi? I'm coming home right now."

 

"I'm fine! Just - can you come pick me up?"

 

"Of course. Where are you?"

 

Levi recited the street name and I ran into the restaurant, grabbing my jacket and apologizing to my friends before sprinting back out and to my car.

 

I drove a bit recklessly but I couldn't bring myself to care. My heart was pounding and I was fucking _worried_ , okay? Levi told me he was alright but Levi's a fucking liar and we all know it. He sounded like shit over the phone, like someone had tried to strangle him or something.

 

_Shit. What if someone had actually tried to strangle him?_

 

I calmed myself down with the knowledge that Levi was a motherfucking badass who wouldn't let some asshole get at him so easily, but it didn't completely squash the worries.

 

I found Levi curled up on the bench in the corner of a bus shack that looked to be in a bit of disrepair and I was surprised that Levi would even touch that filthy seat. I pulled up next to the curb and parked, getting out of the car to see how he was doing.

 

"Levi, you alright?"

 

Levi lifted his head from where it was resting on his arms. "Yeah, let's just go home."

 

 

***

 

 

"So what happened?" The ride so far had been quiet; I was waiting for answers and Levi hadn't been eager to give any.

 

"Fuck off."

 

"Oh, so you're allowed to pressure me into telling you my secrets, but you won't tell me yours?"

 

"That was a big fucking secret you were hiding, Eren! Don't you dare compare me to you."

 

"Fine, but I still-"

 

"I'm _fine_. I just need a shower." He cut me off with an air of finalty.

 

We sat in another tense silence for few minutes. I watched Levi squirm from the corner of my eye. He couldn't seem to sit still, scratching at his scabs and shifting in his seat. Something was definitely up.

 

Finally, Levi slumped in his seat and sighed dramatically. "We're taking our exams on Monday."

 

I snapped my head to look over at him. "What?"

 

"I talked to Erwin. He said we could take them on Monday."

 

Erwin. As in ex-fuck-buddy and major asshole Erwin. The one who played with Levi's feelings and then tore him apart.

 

I wondered how Levi could even bare to have a conversation with that guy, but by the looks of it, Levi wasn't holding up well. 

 

_But what if it wasn't just a conversation? What if he-_

 

"What did he do?" I asked tersely.

 

"He kissed me." Levi said quietly.

 

My hands gripped the steering wheel with much more strength than what was needed, my nails digging into the leather. "I'm gonna cut his fucking tongue off, I swear to God."

 

"Go ahead, just wait till after we've finished our exams." Ah, Levi, disarmingly apathetic on the outside, but he always had some kind of trouble brewing on the inside.

 

"Why would he do that? He has to know how bad he fucked you up. That sadistic fuck, I bet he just loves to screw with you."

 

Levi didn't say anything else for the rest of the car ride, he just sat there looking disgusted with himself. 

 

I didn't know how to fix this. All I saw was Levi looking like a crumpled piece of paper, while I stewed in my own hatred in silence. It felt like everything had fallen out of order, and I was itching to put everything back together again but I didn't know how. All I knew was that it wouldn't stop bugging me until I did something about it.

 

_Fuck Erwin._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

 

I ran inside as soon as the car had stopped and went straight to the bathroom. Just like I knew he would, Eren followed me. I was already standing underneath the running water by the time Eren closed the door behind him.

 

He paced angrily, back and forth.

 

I scrubbed my body till it hurt, and then some.

 

We didn't talk.

 

When my arms were sore from all the effort, I just stood under the water and let it cascade down my body. I still wasn't clean.

 

"Did you kiss him back?" Eren finally pierced the silence.

 

I didn't answer, I just went back to scrubbing. Vigorously, obsessively.

 

"I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna fucking do it, Levi."

 

My eyes stung but I couldn't tell if the water droplets running down my cheeks were tears or not. 

 

I wanted some bleach. I needed something stronger to make this feeling go away, but I couldn't do anything while Eren was around. 

 

"Go away." I told him, not even caring how snarky I sounded.

 

"No." He replied defiantly, and I realized he was doing this on purpose. He didn't trust me to be alone with myself. It hurt even though I knew that he was right; I'm a danger to myself.

 

I didn't know what to do; I was still fucking shaking like a sick kitten and my whole body hurt, my skin was still crawling and I felt disgusting, but worst of all, I was confused. I had kissed Erwin back, at least a little bit. _I'm a fucking whore, just like he told me. I'm a piece of shit_.

 

My legs didn't feel strong enough to support my body weight anymore, so I lowered myself down and sat crosslegged on the bottom of the bathtub. I put my head in my hands and just tried to fucking breathe like a normal fucking person because my lungs weren't working, nothing was fucking working and I needed - I don't fucking know what I needed. I needed to clean.

 

I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, my mind focused on one task and nothing else. I didn't even hear what Eren said, I just walked straight past him and into our bedroom, stepping into a pair of his sweatpants because everything I owned was covered in filth and Eren could never be dirty; He was clean no matter what I did to him.

 

I didn't care if Eren saw it, I pulled out the small bottle of bleach I kept hidden in the study for emergencies. (My bigger bottle was still sitting in a lonely parking lot in some rundown asscrack of a town.)

 

All the while, Eren followed just a few steps behind me, monitoring me in silence. His brow was furrowed in concern and it deepened when he saw me pull the bottle I'd hidden from him out of the drawer of a dusty filing cabinet that he'd never even given a second look, mouth opening to say something but the words never came out.

 

I quick-walked back to the kitchen and filled a mop bucket with water and bleach, grabbed a sponge and tried to started washing down the surfaces of my home, but Eren stopped me. Grabbing both my hands, he slipped a long, rubber yellow glove onto each of them and then leaned forward to place a kiss on my forehead.

 

I didn't thank him, I just went ahead and began scrubbing with the kind of effort that I'd never exerted for anything else. Cleaning is the only thing I'm good at.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Eren's POV**

 

I can't. 

 

I can't think, I can't function. I can't sit down. I can't relax.

 

All I can do is watch Levi flit around the house, frantic. 

 

Why are we both so fucked up?

 

But fucking Erwin. He put his hands on Levi, he touched what's mine. I can't fucking calm down.

 

Jealousy, it's a nasty thing.

 

***

 

I managed to get Levi to sleep with the help of a few sleeping pills and close monitoring. When he'd finally cleaned enough that I could pull him away from his mop bucket, (Which he refilled multiple times.) I coaxed him into bed. From there, after he'd swallowed the pills - because I knew he wouldn't be able to sleep on his own - I held his hands and whispered gentle words in his ear until he drifted off, making sure he couldn't claw at his fragile skin anymore. 

 

Once he was out cold, I massaged a gentle moisturizer over his damaged arms and legs to keep them from drying out completely and reminded myself to apply more tomorrow.

 

Afterwards, I paced some more. I couldn't lay still in bed, I was too full of nervous energy and I didn't want to disturb Levi with my twitching, so I stayed in the living room. I couldn't sleep, I already knew I wouldn't sleep that night.

 

Instead, I formed plans. I schemed and giggled quietly at all the possibilities. I was going to enjoy killing that son of a bitch.

 

***

 

Levi and I both stood on tentative ground, fragile in both mind and body. We spent the weekend studying; I studied as little as I could get away with and spent the rest of the time preparing Levi.

 

Things were tense, but we didn't talk about it. Levi took two hour showers every day and I didn't sleep. We were both on autopilot, going through the motions, doing what we were supposed to be doing but without any actual emotion. 

 

By Sunday night, my brain was starting to shut down, having not slept for the past three nights. But I couldn't shut myself off, my anger wouldn't let me rest until I fixed this. 

 

When I looked in the mirror, my eyes were gold. But I only felt tired, like I was falling apart. I felt like there was something I should be doing but I couldn't wrap my head around it. Everything was slipping through the cracks.

 

***

 

I quizzed Levi on the drive to school, making sure that he had everything memorized.  As for me, I did a pretty good job of paying attention previous years, and from what I'd studied, it didn't look like we'd learned anything new, so I felt pretty confident. I'd gotten a total of about two and a half hours of sleep since Thursday and I was feeling fucking weird, but I was pretty sure that everything was going to work out.

 

When we got there, Erwin was waiting for us at the front entrance, his face plastered with a peachy smile that pissed me the fuck off. My hands shook as we made our way over to him and I tried not to crush his hand when he extended it towards me for a firm shake. _Fuck you, Mr. Smith_.

 

Levi avoided his touch all together, dodging his outstretched arm and ducking into the building, looking apathetic as always but I could tell he was rattled. Just being in Erwin's presence shook us both up.

 

We were seated at opposite ends of one of the abundance of classrooms filling the school. Erwin placed a stack of papers in front of both of us and waved his hand, indicating that we could start whenever. He was really nonchalant about the whole thing, like he couldn't care less, and I wondered how he managed to even get this job. Seems like a terrible principle, if you ask me.

 

I was running on the three cups of coffee I'd downed this morning, so my hands jittered and my writing looked like shit. My brain wasn't processing information as quickly as usual, so I had to reread the instructions on one of the sheets several times for it to finally click in my brain.

 

Levi and I had hours stretched in front of us; it felt like hell.

 

***

 

By the time our results came back -along with a late diploma for me - I was just about ready to snap. Levi passed all his classes with a C- average, which was better than I'd hoped for, and I got pretty good final grades too. We celebrated with a makeout session during which I passed out halfway through.

 

When I woke up, a few hours short of a day later, Levi was back to cleaning again. It was close to two A.M., so I told him to get his ass to bed and tucked him in, letting his head rest on my lap while my fingers brushed through his fine hair.

 

Once Levi was asleep, I got up and got ready. This feeling wouldn't go away until I got rid of the source of the problem. I got all dressed up in my murder attire; gloves, tuque, baggy clothing. I took my large, sharpened kitchen knife with me and set off for Erwin's house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Levi's POV**

 

I couldn't breathe, I felt trapped. The itching feeling hadn't gone away since I'd kissed Erwin, but this was different. Something was crushing me.

 

My dream slipped away and I wasn't even sure what it had been about, but when I opened my eyes I was met with a pair of crazed, golden eyes glaring down at me. Eren's face was only a few inches from mine and I stared confusedly back at him. He was straddling my chest, knees trapping my arms, effectively hindering any kind of escape on my part.

 

A silver glint caught my eye and I flicked my eyes away from Eren's face to find the source; held in his right hand was a large kitchen knife, reflecting the faint light of the moon through the open window.

 

"Eren, what are you doing?" I asked monotonously, not letting my fear show through.

 

Eren brought the knife up and pressed it against my neck, not hard enough to hurt, just enough to make sure I didn't forget it was there.

 

"Wanna know what Erwin told me before I sliced his bastard tongue off?"

 

My eyebrows came down in a scowl, but Eren didn't give me any time to answer.

 

"He said that you kissed him back. He said you _liked_ it."

 

The sharp blade of the knife pressed deeper into the skin of my neck.

 

"Well? Tell me it isn't true!" Eren yelled madly.

 

"It's not true." I told him, trying my hardest not to let my voice waver.

 

A humorless laugh bubbled out of the boy on top of me. "If there's one thing I've learned about you, Levi, it's that you're a fucking liar."

 

"What-"

 

"Shut up! You're supposed to be mine, baby, all mine. How could you let someone else touch you?"

 

"I pushed him away, I didn't-"

 

The blade bit into my skin, letting loose a thin line of crimson. "I can't stand the thought of anyone touching you, Levi. I can't calm down." The melancholic tone of his voice was still tinged with a manic ferocity. Jealousy was written all over his body, making me feel guilty but intrigued at the same time.

 

"Eren, I fucking love you, okay? Only you. Believe me when I say that I fucking bit his tongue when he tried to kiss me and then pushed him away. Do you really think I'd be here with you right now if I cared about him?"

 

Eren clenched his teeth and glared at me, the gold in his eyes flickering. "Do you know how much this fucking hurts?" The way his voice trembled gripped my heart. _Fuck_ , he was attractive.

 

"I know, Eren, I know. Just put the fucking knife down and let me show you how much I love you." I soothed seductively.

 

_Where did this boner come from? You're not supposed to get aroused when someone tries to kill you, Levi, even if it is Eren._

 

Eren's pupils dilated and their golden shine rippled, swapping one personality for another. Eren threw the knife off the side of the bed and then slumped down, pressing his forehead to mine. He didn't close his eyes, he looked straight into mine with a hunger that always managed to scare me and turn me on.

 

I closed the distance between our lips and kissed him deeply, opening my mouth so Eren could slip his tongue in.

 

Everything Eren did had a purpose; his fingers digging into the skin on my hip, his other hand with a firm grip on my hair, hips grinding down on mine. It was possessive and dominant, like he was showing me who I belonged to. He bit my lip, marked my neck, left claw marks on my skin. He tugged my clothes off with speed and undeniable strength, all the grace of a sex god. His clothes were gone even quicker.

 

He teased and distracted me so well, I didn't even notice him reach over to the nightstand to grab the lube until I felt one lubricated finger circle my hole once before plunging in. I moaned as he moved quickly and roughly, adding another digit. He crooked his fingers, knowing exactly where he needed to hit to make me scream.

 

After he'd prepped me just enough to make it not unbearably painful, his fingers were gone and I whimpered quietly, but the sound was cut off when suddenly, his hands were digging under my body and I was flipped over, his arms controlling me and throwing me around like a fucking rag doll. He pushed my head down against the pillow, his other arm snaking around my stomach to pull my ass up.

 

He took a few seconds to lube up and then his dick was pressing against my entrance, making me moan with desire. "Hurry up." I barked harshly.

 

Eren pushed into me, going slowly at first but then finally giving one big thrust, his dick being swallowed all the way to the hilt. I cried out in pain and pleasure, while he groaned deeply. He'd never been this rough before, but I fucking loved it.

 

He wasted no time, going only as slowly as he absolutely had to for the first thrusts so that I could get used to it, and then he was fucking me hard and fast. We were both covered in sweat fairly quick, the only sounds in the house being the slap of skin against skin and the loud noises that escaped our lips.

 

Eren took complete control, using the hands on my hips to pull me into his deep thrusts. I cried out almost every time he pushed into me; he was really good at finding my prostate and he used it to his advantage. In no time at all, I'd burst white all over the sheets without any touch to my cock. Eren came inside me soon after, riding through his orgasm for as long as he could before he pulled out and collapsed beside me.

 

When he finally rolled over and looked at me, his eyes were back to normal and he just looked like his usual tired self. He kissed me sweetly, slowly, as if to make up for all the man handling. We were both still breathing heavily.

 

"I love you." His breath ghosted against my skin, lips brushing mine as he uttered those three words.

 

"I love you too." I replied, not because I felt I had to, not because he didn't already know it, I just liked saying it and I knew he loved to hear it.

 

***

 

The summer that followed was the best I'd ever had; the only one I hadn't spent alone. Eren and I watched the news everyday, observing how the story of the missing high school principal became less and less important as no new leads were found. Eren wouldn't tell me what he did to him, but I imagined it to be pretty gruesome, judging by the smug smile that he always had to supress every time I brought it up. He said it was for my own safety, it was better that I didn't know in case anyone ever asked.

 

We waited, but the police never knocked on our door.

 

To pick up the slack, now that my parents were gone, Eren and I both got jobs. Eren worked construction, hard work but great pay. He came home tired and grouchy every day, and sometimes it was hard to deal with, we got into a lot of fights, but we managed. 

 

I worked as a waiter in a restaurant. It killed me to put on a kind face in front of all the annoying customers and the girls that would tactlessly hit on me, but I perservered, powering through each day. I kept up my facade until Eren would walk in and flop into a booth in my area of the diner, having just gotten off work, and I'd sit down with him for my break, allowing myself a small grin. We'd order something to share and Eren always ate it all, the fucking pig.

 

My boss was loud and demanding and an asshole, always telling me to stop obsessively washing my hands and get back to work. I didn't understand; isn't cleanliness a good thing? 

 

By the time I got home, Eren would have already had the chance to shower and rest a bit. I'd usually find him in our bedroom napping; I always stripped down and crawled in with him, drifting off to sleep. And then I'd be woken up by a hand caressing my inner thigh, kisses along my jaw, warm breath on my ear. 

 

Sometimes the only thing that kept us together was sex; we fucked as much as we fought.

 

But other times, I remembered the real reasons I loved Eren. His messy hair, how he still managed to be clumbsy even with his weird superpowers, his stubbornness, the way he cries more than I do (It makes me feel manly), how he cleans up after himself, his eyes, the way he looked at me before we fucked, his slight disappointment, only visible for a second, every time I pulled out. I love him.

 

My life is officially a cheesy, shitty movie.

 

***

 

"Eren!"

 

"What?" He called from the living room.

 

"Where's my pack of cigarettes?"

 

"Um..."

 

I stomped out of the kitchen to glare at him, arms crossed over my chest. I hadn't smoked in two days and my hands wouldn't let me cut the vegetables for dinner, they were trembling so much.

 

"I kind of smoked the last one..." He answered guiltily.

 

My scowl made him flinch. "You _what?"_

 

"I didn't mean to!"

 

"Really?" I asked, a hint of sarcasm lacing my voice. "Did you accidentally smoke it, then?"

 

"Yeah, well... I was craving. Really bad."

 

I snorted. "I thought you were trying to quit?"

 

"I went for three days! That's a new record! I'm actually pretty proud of myself." He gave me a winning smile, sprawled out lazily on the couch. It was clear he really wasn't serious about quitting, and I couldn't blame him. Smoking was our way of life.

 

"You're pathetic." I told him, shaking my head. "How many did you smoke?"

 

At that, Eren turned his face away from me. "Three." he muttered so quietly I could just barely hear.

 

"You selfish prick!" I threw the spatula I was holding at his head. "You better fucking go get some more before I kick your head in."

 

Eren scrambled up from the couch and ran to the door, tugging his shoes on sloppily. "Withdrawal makes you scary, Jesus fucking Christ!"

 

"Next time don't binge on my cigarettes, asshole!" I yelled at him as he ran out the door, rubbing the spot on his head where he'd been hit by my projectile. 

 

I kicked the door closed and went to lie in bed, trying to calm myself and my shaking body down until Eren got home.

 

***

 

I shook all of the clothes from our hamper into a laundry basket and brought it over to the laundry room. Eren was in the kitchen making himself some breakfast; I couldn't eat until this task was done. It kept nagging at the back of my head, not letting me concentrate on anything else. I never let the laundry basket fill up completely, it bothered me too much. I felt like the dirt and germs on my clothes were festering in there, getting grosser by the minute.

 

I went through the process of pulling an article from the basket, emptying the pockets and then placing it in the washing machine. I was a few pieces of clothing in by the rime I picked up Eren's jeans and found a crumpled piece of paper in the pocket. Eren had a habit of not washing his jeans for weeks on end, so I had no idea how old it was.

 

Unfolding it and trying my best to smooth out the wrinkles, I squinted to read Eren's sloppy handwriting scrawled across the paper. It was a list.

 

 

 

 

**Eren Jaeger's (Fucking genius) Plan to get Levi back**

 

_Currently disclosable information:_

 

**Phase 1** : Observe and learn as much as I can about Levi's whereabouts. ( _Check_ )

 

**Phase 2** : Act like mind reader and freak Levi out by showing up everywhere he goes. ( _Check_ )

 

**Phase 3** : Find a way to force Levi to start talking to me again. /tutoring/ ( _Check_ )

 

**Phase 4** : Make Levi come to terms with the fact that he can't help but love me. ( _Check_ )

 

**Phase 5** : Find an excuse to snuggle with Levi. ( _Check_ )

 

 

 

_That manipulative piece of shit._

 

I found myself scowling down at the paper, but my eyebrows rose in surprise at the last step in Eren's stupid plan.

 

 

**Phase 6** : Marry him. Just fucking do it.

 

 

Butterflies rose in my stomach as I stormed out of the laundry room to find Eren, crumpling the list in my fist. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, a piece of half-eaten toast in one hand and a plate in the other.

 

"What the fuck is this?" I threw the ball of paper at his face. It bounced off him and landed on his plate.

 

Eren reacted slowly, still groggy from waking up, and just blinked, stared forward for moment, before finally turning his face to look at me, confusion in his eyes. 

 

"What?" He asked dumbly, mouth full of toast. He put his plate down on the counter and picked up the paper, unfolding it to find out what I was so worked up about.

 

I watched as his expression cycled from confusion to embarrassment, to defensiveness and then finally landed on amusement. 

 

"So I guess the secret's out, huh?" He said with a stupid smile, meeting my eyes with his just long enough to see me scowl even deeper. He looked around him, obviously trying to find something, before his gaze finally fixed on his piece of toast.

 

With a grin, he got down on one knee, held the toast up like you would an engagement ring, and stared up at me hopefully. "Levi, will you marry me?"

 

"Fuck no."

 

His smile faltered. "But- Why not?"

 

"Because you're proposing with a fucking piece of toast, you idiot."

 

"Come on, Levi, take a chance. I love you, you're obsessed with me, we both know that I'm amazing. You can't do any better than this." He teased, gesturing to his shirtless body. "Sure, you've been hurt before, and marriages almost never work out and end up with lots of boring paperwork and devastated kids and I'd probably take all your money, but it's okay. We're gay, there's no chance that you're gonna get pregnant and then force me to raise children with you. You don't want any of those little shits anyways, right?" 

 

He paused and looked at me like he actually wanted an answer, and I just gave him an incredulous stare.

 

"See? I know you so well. So what do you say Levi, will you take this piece of toast as my promise to you?"

 

"No."

 

"Why _not?_ " Eren whined, slumping his shoulders and drawing out the last word childishly. 

 

"Why are you proposing to me with a piece of god damned toast?" 

 

Eren looked at me like I was stupid. "Well, because I didn't have time to get a ring since you decided to be all nosey and go through my things-"

 

"I was doing laundry!"

 

"Whatever. Anyways, now you know the big secret, as well as how much of a genius I am, so this is how it has to be." He held up the toast one last time. "Will you marry me?"

 

"No."

 

Eren threw the toast down on the floor in a fit of rage. "You're an asshole, Levi!"

 

"I know." I turned to start making a pot of coffee. "You'd better pick up every single crumb that you got on the floor, or I'll kick your ass."

 

"Fine." Eren said sulkily, picking up the toast and throwing it away before going to get the broom.

 

Once I'd finished making the coffee, we both sat down with our mugs at the kitchen table. Eren gave me this look, like he was waiting for something, and wouldn't stop staring.

 

I swallowed my sip and glared at him. "What?"

 

"Okay, tell me honestly. How fucking genius was my plan? Pretty incredible, right?"

 

My mouth fell open slightly, my jaw slack, and I just stared at him for a good while.

 

Finally, when Eren started squirming in his chair and looking impatient, I cracked a small grin and shook my head. "You're an idiot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun game: Go through the whole fic and count how many times I used the word 'Fuck'  
> Hint: too many
> 
> Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment, I've read every single one and they're all beautiful. To anyone that just starts reading this fic after I post this chapter: I totally love comments so feel free to do that, even if it's been like two months since I updated. 
> 
> I love you guys so much, thanks for making my first fic such an awesome experience.


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